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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Settling in at nursery

12 replies

JacqueslePeacock · 30/08/2012 09:48

it's supposed to be this hard, right?!

DS is 11 months, is teething and clingy with it, and has settling in sessions at nursery every day this week. He is just distraught. He hasn't slept at nursery at all, or eaten anything, or drunk any milk. I'm feeling terrible seeing him cry.

Does anyone have any reassuring stories?

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CamperWidow · 30/08/2012 16:05

Yes, it can be this hard. But don't worry, the Nursery staff will have seen it all before. He will get used to it. He will enjoy himself and settle. He will get the hang of it soon enough. I'm guessing that you've been there pretty much 24/7 for him before now? Well, it's just the shock at something new.
'This too will pass!'

Original poster

JacqueslePeacock · 30/08/2012 21:31

Thank you for the reply and the reassuring words! Yes, the nursery staff are very breezy about it but DS just keeps sobbing. He's been like a little subdued sad limpet since coming home today as well. He's never been away from me or DH before. I hadn't quite realised it was going to be so traumatic. My friend's baby seems to have settled in just fine with no tears to speak of.

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OneLittleToddlingTerror · 31/08/2012 09:15

Yes it'll be hard. DD took about a month to really settle in her nursery, and about 3 months to really love it. After about a month, she's no longer looking unhappy when I picked her up. After about 3 months, she was running to her keyworker for hugs. If you feel the nursery is good, just trust them. They are used to settling little ones.

OneLittleToddlingTerror · 31/08/2012 09:17

Have to add no tears doesn't mean they are happy! Mine stopped crying after a few days, but I can feel the unhappy vibe. And she when I picked her up, she didn't look happy playing with toys, but sitting quietly in the corner. It's the little things you pick up as a mother. Also, your friends might be exaggerating a bit!

Mamafoof · 31/08/2012 11:15

Totally feel your pain. Mine is also same age, clingy and teething. He settled quite well with one key worker but she is leaving now si has another one and he screams all the time. Doesn't eat or sleep and I feel I am breaking him. My other dc took a while but she loves it now (nearly 3).

Not sure what to say as I feel so awful and depressed about it all but keep thinking it does take time but he will get there eventually

Maria2007loveshersleep · 31/08/2012 20:46

11 months is a bit of a tricky period as they're still not old enough to communicate their distress / sadness with words & so they cry more; plus they can't yet 'place' and understand what exactly is going on. Despite his age, I would recommend you talk to him as much as you can about what's going on, trying to talk a bit about his sadness & to reassure him that you understand & that it'll get better, and you're there to help him.

I would worry if your DS didn't cry, to be honest: it's a big change for him, and for you, it's a transition. If you're happy with the nursery staff & trust them, you have to keep telling yourself that they've done this many times while you haven't (so follow their lead & tell them your worries). Second, it'll really get easier soon, once the nursery staff become familiar, trusted faces for your DS, and that'll be sooner than you think as children generally adjust easier than adults to new people.

My son started nursery when he was 2 & it took him about 2-3 months to fully adjust (those first 2-3 months he would cry sometimes when I picked him up, but not at drop off).

Each child is different and as I said, as long as you're happy with the nursery & the staff, accept it'll be hard but also see it, at the same time, as a necessary & ordinary transition for your family. Sadness & anxiety are ordinary emotions! Children are not supposed to go through such a big change and not react to it at all, it would be unreasonable to expect that. But at the same time, they learn from these changes, it's not bad at all for them to feel a variety of emotions.

Good luck!

Mombojombo · 31/08/2012 21:57

No advice, just empathy. DS is also 11mo, also teething and clingy, also settling into nursery this week! It's been awful tbh. There have been a lot of tears, his and mine. I'm appreciative of positive anecdotes but they dont really alleviate the feeling that I'm betraying him! We've also never been apart. Not more than 4 hours anyway, and then he was with DH.

It IS horrible. It WILL get better. Sigh.

LoveShortbread · 04/09/2012 10:50

Hi, JacqueslePeacock. Hope your DS is getting along better this week. I feel exactly the same way. We also have started settling in last week. My DS (1 year old) was fine last week as I only left him for a short time and I guess he thought this is some kind of play group, but this week he realised that I will leave him so he started become extra clingy. I have just left my crying clinging DS to nursery. I feel bad. And I saw your post and I had to join in. Let us know how you are getting on. Big hugs x

Original poster

JacqueslePeacock · 04/09/2012 13:28

Thank you for all the sympathy! It's good to know we're not the only ones going through this. He cries so much when he's dropped off, it's just awful. I know the nursery staff know what they're doing but it's so hard to let go. I also have never left DS with anyone other than DH for a few hours (the nursery staff seemed to think I'd been very over-protective ) and it just feels like the most terrible betrayal.

When I picked him up yesterday afternoon they told me he'd only cried for 5-10 minutes after being dropped off, and had been fine the rest of the day, but he was crying when I arrived to collect him, so it's hard to know if they're just trying to make me feel better. On the bright side he was happy and playful when we got home so clearly not too traumatised.

Fingers crossed it gets a bit easier for all of us and our DCs this week!

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Original poster

JacqueslePeacock · 06/09/2012 12:15

Ok he seems to be settling a little better and was stopping crying before DH (who did the drop off) was off the premises this morning, which must be a good sign. On the down side, he rushes across and starts crying as soon as soon as either of us arrives to pick him up - which is a bit weird. Assuming it's not that he wants to stay in nursery (!) perhaps our arriving reminds him what he's been missing...?

How is anyone else getting on?

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LoveShortbread · 07/09/2012 14:44

Great to hear your DS is settling better this week. My DS also has been settling bit better. He still cries when I leave and pick him up. But now I know he is not going to be miserable all the time in the nursery, he will stop crying and enjoy playing there. He hasn't taken nap at all yet but He finished all the food and milk. So I am feeling bit relaxed.
For our DS crying when we pick them up, I think they are so happy to see you and feel so emotional and they don't know what to do but crying?

Have a lovely weekend x

Original poster

JacqueslePeacock · 07/09/2012 17:30

Thanks for the update! My DS is also finding it very hard to nap there (not surprising given how labour-intensive getting him to nap at home is!). He has started eating some of the food but is still refusing all milk and water, which is a bit worrying. He comes home very thirsty.

Hoping next week will be easier...

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