DS not eating at nursery

[jujumum78]

23mth DS1 started montessori nursery a few weeks ago, 2 mornings a week 9-1pm. They have lunch at 12 but he has refused all food everytime, and I end up giving him lunch back at home afterwards. He is used to having food with me only, but should I not give him lunch if he refuses at nursery? I don't want to starve him but I wonder if he doesn't eat because he knows he'll get food anyway. He's not completely settled at nursery yet and i wonder if once he is he'll start eating? Anyone got any experience with this??

Of course you feed him at home if he hasn't eaten in nursery. Most kids react to starting nursery, usually by refusing to sleep, eat or poo while there. Mine was, and still is, the non-sleeper.

Is it a different kind of food at nursery? Could you send him in with his own plate and cutlery to see if having familiar things helps? DD did this at first but I think it was a combination of having lots of distractions + weird spoons! She got there in the end.

My DS wouldn't eat at nursery when he first started either - this was more of a problem as he started when he was 3 and was in two full days a week. I sent him in with a packed lunch which he picked at. It took a while but eventually he started eating with the other children, I think once he'd sat with them and watched them for a bit, and then realised he was hungry himself too it became less of an issue.

I wouldn't worry about giving him lunch at home after nursery, that's the most sensible thing to do at this point. Just give him a month or three to settle in.

Thanks everyone, I wasn't comfortable with the thought of refusing him food so I'm glad you all agree. I like the idea of sending him with his favourite plate - he has a Mr Bump plate which he loves to see, and eats to see the picture, so I will try that, thanks Ginismyfriend (great name btw!).

Do they have a morning snack too, and if so does he eat that? You might get a better stear on if it's not being settled, not liking the food on offer, not liking to eat in front of people (which still describes my DH at 33) or something else like different cuttlery or not quite understanding what's expected of him.

Then you can think about what to do based on what the actual issue is.

What do the staff say? They will have seen this before. And I know at DD's nursery eating is seen as a bit of a benchmark for how the child is feeling.

But DD will go to nursery for a full day and eat breakfast, snack, 3 portions of lunch, 2 portions of tea and still come home wanting pasta and sweet corn.

They offer a morning snack too, like a banana/biscuit/yoghurt, all things that DS loves and devours at home, but he won't eat that either.
The staff have tried to help him eat (he's not 100% proficient with a fork but ok with spoon) and have been very encouraging but seem to have hit a brick wall. They don't persist if he initially refuses, like I would at home as sometimes DS refuses then first mouthful then scoffs the lot, but then should I expect them too when they've got their hands full with another 10 toddlers????
He is still tearful when I drop him off in the morning and he did eat with the other children when I stayed with him the first few times so I think it is the settling in phase - but how long can that take??

Forgot to add, he has become especially clingy outside of nursery too since starting!

Thanks for all your comments. Yesterday I took DS's favourite Mr Bump plate, fork, spoon, and bib, into the nursery and he ate all of his lunch!! The staff were impressed and took a photo for evidence! I'm so pleased.