What would you do?

[Emmie412]

My daughter, now 2.5 years has been going to nursery 2 or 3 day s a week since November. There still has not been a day when she hasn't cried at drop off or in fact all morning since finding out it would be a nursery day - am sure you can imagine this is really stressful for everyone. She used to also cry in transition phases, i.e. stop playing, time for lunch etc but this has apparently lessened in the last few weeks - or so I have been told. She has two regular babysitters that she loves - in fact mummy is promptly shooed away when babysitter arrives and she does not cry one bit while with them - so I don't think she is too insecure or clingy. I am now beginning to think that there's something funny about the nursery (knowing kids it could be a minor thing ) or that she has a problem with lack of attention from adults - it is a fairly big group of kids. They recently had a summer fair where parents were invited to attend as well - we stayed a whopping 10mins as my daughter just got hysterical even though I was telling her I'd be there with her. Other kids there seem happy enough.

I would like to hear from people who have been in similar situation - did change of nursery make a difference? Or did you keep on persevering with the same nursery? Or stay at home with them? (I am a bit dubious about child minder settings)

What's your daughter like in a large group of children? Could it be the sheer amount of children she finds daunting?
Also, why are you dubious about a child minder setting? I was about to suggest that as an alternative.

Can you say why you are dubious about a childminder setting - as it sounds as though your daughter does well in a small group with one consistent cater (the babysitters) and yet has not settled into nursery, and so a childminder sounds as though it would be the solution?

To be honest after all this time still being so upset sounds like more than just difficulty settling and really sounds like nursery, or at least this nursery, is not for her.

Can she articulate what it is she doesn't like?

I would look into a childminder. My first son went to a childminder's from being 11 months old until he was 3 and she had a few children in her care who he loved to play with. She took them to playgroups and soft play areas, had a lovely garden with swings and trampoline etc. He used to love going.

Once he started nursery at 3, he also loved that.

My second son started nursery at nearly 3 and used to cry now and again at drop off, however, he had usually stopped by the time I got to the gate.

Daughter started same nursery at 2 and cried a few times too, but again stopped within 5 minutes of me leaving and loves nursery.

I don't think I could keep taking them if they were getting so upset about it.

Definitely look into a childminder.

Also intrigued as to why you are "dubious" about childminders.
You do realise they are as qualified/ more qualified than nursery workers/ work within the EYFS and are regularly inspected by OFSTED and subject to the same stringent regulations as nurseries ( but with the bonus of giving children far more individula attention and life experiences)?

Yes I'd switch to a CM. your daughter doesn't like nursery.

I spent a lot of time at my DS's nursery hanging around while his sessions finished. After a while I became part of the furniture as staff knew me well and were very relaxed in front of me. I noticed some kids got more attention than others, some kids were more favoured than others. After seeing that I'd never put one of my babies in nursery if they weren't settling in.

Thanks for all the replies. The main reasons why I have been hesitant about childminders are the following:
a) Most childminders have their own children with them - who then have to share their toys. Having been with childminders myself and then friends with a girl whose mum was a childminder - she is still bitter about having had to share her mum and home with other children. I am sure not everyone is the same but this still stings. In nursery all the toys belong to nursery, they are not anybody's as such.
b) Cost. The one lovely childminder I have seen around here is expensive - practically twice as much as nursery.

In any case, we have made the decision to pull her out of nursery. Coincidentally, just bumped into another mum at the playground whose child had been going to the same nursery and had been bullied there - this being before my DD's time but nevertheless made me worry more.

I am looking around for other options, but for now she will be home with me.