Should I be bothered by this or am I being PFB? Comments about DS's learning at nursery

[RelaxedAndCalm]

It was parent's evening at nursery tonight. DS is 2.5. We have had a number of issues with how things have been going since he moved to the 'older' room when he was 2. Mostly to do with communication between nursery and us, and that they were allowing him to do a lot of independent play (not a bad thing on its own) but didn't seem to be encouraging him to participate in new activities with other children. The issue was that he didn't want to participate and they let that happen rather than encouraging him to get along with others. Anyway, they finally recognised this and have recently taken moves to improve things.

Tonight at the parent's evening we discussed all of this and it was mostly satisfactory, but then his key worker said something about 'oh and he can count to 10, which is great, and recognise a couple of numbers'. DH couldn't help himself (pride!) say 'well, actually he can count to 20 and recognise numbers up to 20 too'. Which he can - and has been able to for quite a long time. He was certainly counting to 10 - properly, with 1:1 recognition - before he was 2, and he's about 95% reliable on numbers from 11-20, occasionally misses or confuses a couple. He can also do things like correctly get the right number of items for the number of people in the room, that sort of thing.

Anyway, the keyworker looked at DH like he was a bit bonkers and then made a comment that recognising numbers at the moment really isn't important and nor is recognising letters (in fact she implied that it was a bad thing to be doing letters right now). DS can recognise nearly all the letters of the alphabet, occasionally gets them a bit confused but is pretty good - and enjoys doing it.

This probably sounds like stealth boasting but it really isn't. I know it is not important whether he can or can't do things like this at this age. I couldn't give a flying fig about whether he's learning these things at nursery - he's picked them up because we read a lot and we have numbers around the place a lot, we have never sat him down and taught him anything, although since he's expressed an interest we do sometimes play letter and number-type games at home. It's not something I'm particularly pushing and from a learning point of view I'm much more bothered at the moment about him learning to play with other children, learn to use the toilet, learn to dress himself etc.

But what I'm concerned about is that they don't really seem to know about where he's at in terms of his development. I do care about whether they're really engaging with him and aware of what he can and can't do (so they can tailor things to the appropriate stage of his development). And the comments made this evening just make me feel like they don't really know my child at all and aren't tailoring anything for where he's at.

Would this irritate you? Or am I being PFB?

How many days a week is your ds at nursery and is he generally happy there?

It's very possible that your ds does more stuff at home and that you notice it.

If your ds is happy there and progressing appropriately, I would just try to rise above it.

It does feel more gratifying if nursery staff are as besotted with your dc as you are, though!!

Haha. I know Rosebud - you're right. He's only there 2 days/week at the moment but has previously done 4 and will be back up to 3 soon (all to do with working/maternity leave/back to work). So I realise they don't have loads of time to focus on just him. He's developing brilliantly at home and he is happy at nursery (if a bit of a loner, which does bother me). I was just a bit shocked that she thought he only recognised 3 or 4 numbers when a 2 minute conversation with him with numbers around would make it fairly clear that's not the case, so it just makes me wonder what they actually do with him!

I think you might be overanalysing a bit... My DD is 2.5 and as long as she's happy and settled, I'm happy. The exact details of what she can and can't do don't really matter yet, as long as I know it. If you want more 1:1 attention for your son maybe a childminder or nanny would suit you better

Maybe a bit pfb! It sounds like he's doing really well but at nursery they are not really paying attention to that stuff - more looking for general and social development. The key worker had already observed he was ahead of his peers (and my ds - 2.10!) so no need to worry I would say. I had a moment's huffiness when my dd's school noted that she could count up to ten when she could go a lot further but then I gave myself a talking to! This is early years - he's ahead of milestones so for the key worker that's sort of job done. She isn't and shouldn't be thinking of pushing him further at this pt. you can just note with pride internally!

I have found the same with my nursery - they think my son (3.10) can count to 20, I know he can do more than that - but I have put it down to the fact that he is shyer at nursery than at home. Maybe that could be a factor in your case too?

The trouble is... You child will be seen to be able to do what they CAN DO at nursery.

My DD is 2.10. She is a diva. She is the child that all the other parents stare at and say 'she's 2??????????'

My DS is 4.1. He is a genius. His IQ has been assessed at around 200. His social skills are shit (this is putting it mildly) and even mainstream school seems inappropriate for him.

My point is: As long as you are happy with your child's development and your child's happiness in the nursery setting... what's the problem?

Sorry, I didn't make it clear that, while my DS is way more intelligent than my DD (or most other kids), that is not how he presents himself.

Most of the time, he pretends he is a steam engine.

Thanks all. You've made me laugh at least. I know I know I know I'm being PFB. And I really don't want him pushed.

Mcnorton, yes I guess he may just never have done anything that shows them he can recognise other numbers etc while at nursery (I'm certainly not surprised that he's not stood in the centre of the room and counted to 20 at the top of his voice!!). I'm pretty confident that if he was ever asked what '18' read, he'd have said so straight away, but then I can't see any reason while they would actually be asking him that tbh!!!

OK. Thanks. PFB after all. And a salutory lesson in how much of a nightmare I'm going to be when he start school.............

Also, nursery may be ensuring he has a comprehensive knowledge of numbers up to 10, which is a lot more than just counting by rote or recognising numerals. The EYFS suggests developing problem solving strategies to develop understanding, e.g. Knowledge that the number of objects in a group does not change dependent on the order or arrangement of those objects.
I had a child in my care (day nursery) whose mother was loudly proud of the fact he could "double numbers up to 256!", and Indeed he could. He didn't understand what it meant though, and couldn't tell you what "2 and 2 more" was, even using objects to count.

What inmysparetime said. When ds was at nursery they were only looking at competence in numbers up to 10 and he could tell them that 2 and 2 more made etc. Although he could count and recognise numbers way higher it was 1-10 they were looking at his competency in rather than his ability to count to 30 by rote.

Often too at preschool settings they won't sit Master RelaxedandCalm down and ask him to count to 20/10 whatever, they will be observing whether he sees and recognises numbers as he plays. If he did count to 20 independently then they would note it down. Mine have generally demonstrated more at home than at school, but then at home I am not constantly encouraging them to build a huge robot from 5 cereal packets because I know I will have to store/disassemble. A nursery/ preschool environment has many more distractions. Also many of the situations in which ds will count aren't there in preschool (stairs in a castle, smarties on a cake - he has his priorities), not sure he would bother counting pens, cereal boxes, building blocks, he will just jump in and play with them - as he should do.

I would rather he was happy and having fun than showing his knowledge at this stage as I think it is highly unlikely that his preschool teachers will contribute to his UCAS application. If your ds seems bored and unstimulated at nursery, that is an entirely different problem which should be addressed.

Do bear in mind though in a few years time you can tell him how amazed his teachers will be if he discusses the concept of infinity, remind him at the school gate and wait for their teacher to bound out in the afternoon singing his praises. Not that I would ever do that well, not every day

A clever child often hides his or her light under a bushel from a surprisingly young age. It's very likely that he doesn't - and won't - demonstrate his abilities at nursery very often. Occasionally, you may find that it will burst out, especially as he gets older and loves to watch the reaction, as mine did!

DS is 12 now and very bright. At nursery school, he worked out that children who could count to 10 got lots of praise. So he told them that he, too, could perform this amazing feat and soaked up the attention. Every so often, he would remind them and get more praise.

One day, one of the children brought in a toy racing car for show and tell. It had a number on the roof.
"That's 808!" shouted DS excitedly, before he could stop himself.

I so wish I'd been a fly on the wall to see the reaction, not just hear about it from the flabbergasted staff

Thanks all. I'm over it now!

Just out of interest, would anyone be bothered about the nursery worker effectively saying that he should be discouraged from letter recognition at this stage? He's started to play around with letters. He recognises most letters (and we are trying to make sure that he identifies them by phonic names as we know this can be an issue) and likes playing a game about things that start a particular letter. He's not very good at it to be honest, but he enjoys playing it and is learning as we go. I was a bit taken aback when the nursery worker said that it's not a good idea to learn letters at this age. Again, I'm not worried about them teaching him any of this, but of course I'm not going to discourage him either when he wants to play around with things.

at the nursery staff doing his UCAS form. I must make sure I keep hold of their contact numbers so they can do this....

Just ignore that and carry on in your own sweet way!

Actively discouraging him from following his interest, i.e. learning about letters, would concern me.
If he's anything like my DS, you won't be able to, anyway.

Point out that, according to the EYFS, they have no business discouraging him. They should be child-led.
Sounds to me like they think you're pushing him. If only they knew!