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Virtual hug needed please - 2nd wk at nursery - huge tantrums

10 replies

shopafrolic · 18/06/2012 09:30

Hello, my 16mo DS started nursery last week for 2 mornings a week. I am a SAHM but we have no childcare / grandparents around so DS has spent every waking hour with me. My DH and I decided that DS would benefit from a couple of mornings a week at nursery to play with other children and have some time away from mummy.
First day - he cried as I left and was blubby (no tears) all the time he was there (2 hours) - he had had 2 settling in visits with me prior to this and seemed . Second day - absolute clingy tantrum as I left, then settled and enjoyed a music class and playing with cars. But when I picked him up he was sobbing as they had changed his nappy.
This morning I went to drop him off and he was absolutely screaming and crying as I left him. I feel so guilty (not least because I am a SAHM). I suffer from mild depression and we thought that a break for me and a change of scene and other children for him would help the whole family but it doesn't feel that way at the mo.
Can anyone reassure me that he will grow to love it?

OP posts:
dribbleface · 18/06/2012 14:16

Give him a bit longer, is there any way you can reduce the time he's there (so pick him up early) and extend once happier? does he have key person, are they greeting him? how are you saying goodbye? It's so hard. give it a few weeks and if no improvement perhaps rethink, my Ds1 has always cried of drop off but is happy as can be once in (i work there so can see him from the upstairs office window). he's only just stopped at 4!

shopafrolic · 18/06/2012 20:26

Thanks! I went to pick him up today and they led me in so he couldn't see me. He was playing happily with a car. Then he caught sight of me and burst into tears. He's had an hour's play today no tears. Nursery have said to bring him again tomorrow (not his scheduled day) so we'll see if he settles. Fingers crossed.

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dribbleface · 18/06/2012 20:31

it sounds like the nursery are on the ball with settling him in. good that he was playing happily when you got there, don't worry about bursting into tears when seeing you, very common and is just the child being a bit overwhelmed to see you.

PoppyWearer · 18/06/2012 20:36

Honestly, he'll be fine. My DD started at 6mo but has been through clingy phases and I've seen many other kids the same.

Hand on heart, the tears are usually dry within about a minute of the mum leaving. I've hovered outside the door a few times and seen it for myself.

My DD has benefited so much from being there, as have I (SAHM these days).

If you give it a bit longer and still have concerns, maybe try talking to some other parents? Do they have any concerns?

shopafrolic · 18/06/2012 20:48

Thanks so much for all your help and reassurance. It's all so overwhelming and I'm just the mum!! The nursery are being great, keeping me fully updated and talking through ideas with me so I have no concerns there. Just want to be sure that it's the right thing for DS.....

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SimLondon · 18/06/2012 22:19

My LO has hugely benefited from being at nursery but recently went up to a room for bigger babies and it was like settling in all over again, tears at drop-off for the first 2 weeks but i stood outside and within a minute the tears had stopped. Now its broad smiles when I hand her over in the morning. I've stood and watched other kids cry when being dropped off but stop the minute mummy/daddy is out of sight.

When my LO occasionally sees other relatives they've commented that she's much more sociable and I honestly think that nursery has hugely benefited her - before it was just me most of the time and she hated people she didnt know, would cry if relatives looked at her etc, now she's much more confident in a new environment.

The first couple of weeks are the hardest and it may be a bit longer as yours is only going for a couple of mornings a week, but when you see the benefits in a couple of weeks you'll feel a bit more reassured that your doing the right thing.

SimLondon · 18/06/2012 22:21

Oh and the girls at our nursery babysit which is great as like you we've never had any family around to help out with childcare, we hadnt had an evening out in well over a year!

seeker · 18/06/2012 22:24

But bear in mind that nursery is not compulsory. If he doesn't have to go for your work or mental health (!) then if you or he don't want him to go then just don't go! it won't ( in my heretical opinion) make any difference at all to his socialisation or settling in at school when he finally goes. Do what suitsnyou.

shopafrolic · 19/06/2012 11:37

Thanks everyone. Dropped him in again this morning. He started crying as soon as the car pulled up. They put him into a buggy as they are all going to the park this morning and the minute they wheeled him off away from me he had stopped crying. And I managed not to cry on the way home so progress all round I guess?

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seeker · 19/06/2012 21:12

Progress if you want him to go to nursery! He really, really doesn't have to!

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