What would you expect the nursery to do?

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DD's keyworker at nursery said she wanted to speak to me today about a few things.

The first thing was that DD is not getting on very well with feeding herself at nursery. She knows DD feeds herself at home, but she has mentioned before that she waits to be fed at nursery. She said yesterday and today she had hardly eaten anything because she is not feeding herself and she said she was a bit concerned because DD is tiny already (although she's not that tiny, about average, really). She did mention it might be the weather and I said she had not been particularly interested in food at home the past week or so and I thought it might be a phase.

The second thing the keyworker said was that DD does not come when she calls her. What this actually meant was that when she goes to have her lunch she lines up to wash her hands with the others, but if she is at the back of the queue, she won't come to the front to wash her hands unless she is taken. She then has to walk along a passage with the others to the eating area and she stops at the step and waits to be lifted over the step and won't attempt it herself. She said DD doesn't seem to be entirely comfortable at the nursery (she's been there 4 months) and that she lacks confidence.

DD has just turned 16 months and she is a good communicator at home and understands and acts on instructions at home. I would have thought a bit more encouragement around following instructions would help.

But I left the nursery just saying that she's not like that at home and now I've gone away and thought about it, I'm wondering why they didn't say 'this is what we've noticed ... and this is what we're going to try ...' or am I expecting too much? I am thinking of things that might help but at the same time I'm wondering why they haven't thought to try these things.

I would like to speak to the keyworker again tomorrow but not sure how I should tackle it. What would you say?

sorry for the extremely long post

They expect a 16 month old to understand to queue up with other children, get hands washed and then follow the queue to somewhere else? That sounds a lot for such a young child to understand, its not unusual for a 16 month old to not be able to walk let alone do any of the rest.

As for the not eating because she won't feed herself then surely they should be spending time encouraging her and if needed feeding her. Again 16 months is still very young to expect consistent self feeding.

I would talk to the nursery, especially if you don't think he is happy there.

I think they are expecting quite a lot of a 16mo old.

My son is 21mo and frankly he wouldn't come to the front of a line to wash his hands obediently even though he might understand well. He wouldn't even know how to stand in a line without getting distracted and running off.

I don't know what to suggest about the eating. I know that lots of 16mo olds at my sons nursery have some help. They are pretty relaxed about it.

I do know however that when my son started nursery at 9mo, he could crawl as yet didn't crawl at nursery for about six weeks. The staff said they felt he was just settling and didn't feel comfortable yet, but they assured me he wasn't unhappy and he did eventually do the same things at nursery as at home. (Although I can probably still understand his talking much better than nursery and he is MUCH better behaved at nursery than for me!)

Is it possible for you to drop in and observe your DD from time to time to check her mood/activities? That might give you an idea if she is "herself" there.

Sorry if this is no help. Hopefully someone more knowledgable will be along soon!

It is ridiculous of the nursery to expect a baby to queue!

She should be guided by her key worker who should also be encouraging her to self feed/help her when she struggles

I would expect a reception age child to queue to wash their hands

I work in a nursery and that is a lot of expectations for such a little child!!

I wonder if the food is finger food or spoon, lots of our toddlers will eat finger food but really struggle when using spoons and choose not to use the spoon at all. We help all our children eat seriously they are so young they need lots of help still, they are only babies.

Also the queuing thing is ridiculous, he should come when called but thats about it.

Seems like they expect quite a lot, and don't sound very willing to help. It would piss me off tbh if a nursery came to me and seemed to be complaining about my child not doing particular things, at that age they need time to learn how to do things with support, not criticism.

I too have a 21 month old. Your 16 month old sounds within the normal range of behaviour for her age.

I wonder if the key worker is just trying to show that she knows your dd.

I would say to the key worker "Thanks for letting me know how my dd is getting on though the day. It all sounds very normal. Keep me updated of progress."

Was the keyworker complaining about these things, or was she trying to say she didn't think your DD was happy there?

I think I would consider looking for a different environment for her.

Thanks for your replies. I feel like I am right to be questioning what they are saying, but it also makes me wonder if this is the right place for DD but perhaps I just need to talk to them again first before I start thinking about moving her.

Good idea to go in to observe her - that might help me to judge how she has settled.

I don't know how formal the queue is but my DD apparently just sits there and doesn't budge if she is asked to come to the front. Thinking about it, when my DS was there I don't think things were as structured as he would never have coped with any form of queuing as at that age he couldn't keep still for more than 2 seconds.

Dd is 23 months and am pretty sure she wouldn't stand in a queue letalone follow an instruction to come to the front of it. Though once at the sinks she would have a whale of a time! She also has little interest in food, unless it's fruit or yoghurt so would happily forego lunch. I am lucky that my mum looks after dd at home or she possibly wouldn't eat if at nursery.

I find it fascinating when childcare professionals have such massive expectations of young children. Dd has always been so capable physically and I think that this sometimes means people expect too much. Surely if your nursery wants a child to conform to their odd rules of queuing they should be making an effort to help her understand such an arbitrary thing?

I would just like to say that you are not being unreasonable in your thinking. I am a mum to a 3 year old and own a 90 place day nursery. The nursery staff are there to encourage and support the child in order for them to grow in confidence to feel able to start to participate in the activities, particularly with lunch times. All children are different and your daughter is only 16 months!!! I would re-assure you that my team would definately not manage that situation in that way