1yo DD attending afternoons only and settling in really badly

[Smugisadrug]

First of all I'm wondering if anyone else is sending their LO to nursery on afternoons only?

Basically every single nursery has over a year waiting list, and the only way she could attend was by taking a few free slots a week, which are all afternoon slots, and it is going sooooo badly.

To make matters worse, she changed her own routine just as she started nursery, she's always had a morning nap from 9.30 onwards, and an afternoon nap. Now she won't fall asleep until 12noon no matter what. If left to her own devices she would sleep for a good 2hrs, maybe 3hrs. But because nursery starts at 1pm I've got to wake her up, give her lunch and drive her to nursery, so she is always starting a lot later than her 1pm start time. Usually about 2 or 2.30pm.

We are having such a nightmare as she goes absolutely hysterical when I try to leave her. She is more or less ok when I pick her up, but her face and eyes are red, so I can tell she's been crying. But her nights are really bad on the days she goes, as she's had such an upset, it obviously comes back to her when she's going to sleep.

I live in a rural location and all other nurseries are booked up for 1 year at least. I've been trying to ask the nursery to change the hours, but I know that I kind of barged in to get those slots in the first place, if I'd done it the normal way, I'd be waiting for another year or more. They keep on saying give it time she'll settle, but I think it is the fact she has such a disrupted day. If I could just get her up and out in the morning, then pick her up at lunchtime, I think she'd be fine.

Anyway I'm having such a nightmare, just wondered if anyone had any advice?

Hello,

I'm afraid I don't have any children of my own, so I can't relate to you on that level; but I have worked as a nursery nurse with children the age of your LO.

Looking at it from that perspective, I would firstly like to reassure you that your daughter will settle. Unfortunately, because you were only able to secure afternoon slots this will take a longer than it would for a child who a.) started nursery at a younger age, or b.) has longer/more frequent sessions. However, I can assure from my own experience that a time will come when your daughter will be excited about arriving at nursery; and I've actually had parents then feeling slightly 'miffed' that their child ISN'T upset! I know it's incredibly distressing, but it isn't "abnormal" - I would be surprised if your daughter wasn't upset given the situation. It can be eased though by time, you keeping relaxed (your daughter will pick up if you're anxious) and gathering support/building good relations with the staff looking after your daughter.

I can see there is a significant issue with her current nap routine and the nursery time slot, and you're right that this will be impacting upon her ability to settle. If I'm honest, I would suggest you either keep her awake for that hour (which I know is not easy) and allow her to have her full sleep at nursery, or you need to look at her entire routine. For example, what time she's eating/sleeping (night and day times included). Something simple like shifting everything forward by 30mins, may solve your problem - but I can't say this for sure without more information. At 1 years old though, your child only really needs one nap in the day; so I wouldn't attempt trying to incorporate two anymore.

I hope some of this is of help to you, and that you start to see some progress soon :).

Hi MissingSilence,

Thanks for your message. I think you're right I'll need to try to change her nap time. I could try getting up earlier for a week. It is a 20min drive to nursery, so she will always have fallen asleep in the car if I try to deny her nap etc.

At the moment she wakes around 7am, breakfast around 8am, then tea at 5 or 5.30pm, evening bottle at 6pm, bath at 7pm, then usually sleeping by 8pm. I could try to get us up at 6.30am, breakfast at 7am, then take things from there.

Thanks for your post though, I'll try to be extra cheerful about the whole thing when I turn up at nursery. The staff are quite nice and make a big effort to smile and say hello when we turn up.

I'm not working at the moment which makes my guilt extreme, but I've got an interview next week for a part-time job. My health visitor said to wait for the outcome of that before I try to change nursery or hours, as if I get that job that should dictate what to do.

Thanks for your help!

Why is she going to nursery? To give a different perspective, she sounds to me like a child who isn't ready to go and she is letting you know - if this were me and I needed the Childcare I would be looking at childminders as they might be more flexible and also provide an alternative attachment figure.