Should I stay at DDs first day at nursery?

[floppops]

DD is starting nursery next week. Three mornings a week. She is 26 months.
She hasn't been left with anyone other than grandma or her dad so I am a bit worried how she will be- as everyone is I am sure!
The nursery hasn't said what settling in they prefer. I'm not sure if I can stay or not or for how long.
We did go to a meet the teachers and new kids day and I asked them then but they were quite vague. I am guessing they would prefer us just to go, they did say we could have a cup of tea in the adjacent kitchen if we like.
DD understands when I say I need to go to work or when daddy does so I am hoping I can tell her mummy's going to work now see you at lunchtime. Too optimistic? Should I stay or does that make it worse for her?

I would have thought that some settling in would have been offered. we do 3 sessions, 1st parent stays, 2nd parent leaves for a while and 3rd drops off as usual. you might find your dd will be fine but i would stay for a short time, explain i was going and then come back after a short period, collect and leave. then increase the time away. i wouldn't stay too long at the start of the session so you dd understand's that you don't stay. once you have said goodbye then leave even if she's a bit upset as keeping saying goodbye then not going makes it harder for everyone. don't sneak off whilst she's busy as i breaks the trust and the next time you go she'll hang onto you expecting you to disappear. good luck! (excuse typing, on phone)

Thanks dribbleface so for first session I stay the whole 3 hours? Then second 1 or 2 hours and then third none? Is that what you mean? Sorry but need to sort what I'm doing before I get all fuzzy when I'm there!

we're full day care and our visits\settling last 2 hours (ish). it's really what you feel comfortable with, i personally would arrive normal time day 1, stay for 1.5 hours then leave, day 2 arrive normal time, play and settle for 15-30 minutes, say bye bye and the return after about 30 minutes to an hour depending on how it goes. day 3 arrive normal time, bye bye then come back after hour and half - 2 hours. then after that drop off and collect. try to pick an event to explain to your child when you will be back, at nursery its mummy will be back after you have had you tea and a little play. it really depends on your child though, had many run off without a second look, and some who always cry but are fine after a while (my own Ds1 is like this even though been going to nursery and pre-school since little). be prepared that visit 2 may be harder as they know what's going to happen. I'm sure she'll be fine. why not ring the nursery and speak to room supervisor and ask their advice?

Hi

At my nursery the settling in sessions are the week before you start properly and are free. The 1st day is a hour and I stayed there with DS. The 2nd day was also an hour but I left. The third day was 2 hours (again I left) and the forth/ fifth days were 3 hours. My DS was going to nursery four full days so thats why the hours were done like that- but it got him used to the nursery and familiar with the staff. He was really upset when I left(like dribbleface says I didn't hang around- mainly because i could feel i was about to burst into tears!), but the staff distracted him and it didn't last for long.(he is 10 mths so much younger) Is there anyway you could do something like that before she starts the 3 half days or are you at work?

Thanks that's really helpful.
I'm not sure they will be keen on me picking up early/leaving early, will see. I guess it's up to me though.
I've tried to get in touch with them but they are only term time- is Montessori school-no one there to talk to till next Tuesday.

I stayed the first time. I think I would want to stay the first day, for the second stay but when she's about to go off and do something exciting, go off for a cup of tea, so you're close and it's not too long, and the third day leave but ask them to ring you if she is unsettled.

I've taken next week off so I can spend whatever amount of time settling her in.

Brilliant!

I ran screaming from a very popular nursery in my town, which told me when I asked about settling in that it was "baptism by fire".

With DS one (very clingy and PFB) he did cry when I first left hime, although I had stayed for a few sessions, and so did I.

DD couldn't have cared less.

if they are not keen on you coming early then I'm sure they will call if your needed. Ds1 Pre-school called me on his first few day's and asked me to come at 10.15 rather than 11.45 as they felt he'd had enough. after that week he cried at drop off but it never lasted long and now goes in fine (but still cries at nursery which is as i manage it)

They have an outside playtime at 12 to 12.30. So maybe first day stay till then and leave her for that half hour then day two leave her for an hour at the end and day three leave her for two hours? Then the next week start whole three hours..maybe I will have to play it by ear.
Is it ok for me to dictate how long I stay? How do you deal with pressure to leave?

Sorry but it sounds like a shit nursery. At ours, the settling in sessions start a month before and the frequency with which a child and parent come depends how well the child was adjusting. We came first for an hour, next time I left after an hour and my DD stayed, etc. and the last 2 weeks she would stay on her own for up to 4 hours. We aimed at the problematic times such as meal and nap times (she didn't want to eat or sleep there to start with) so there would be no issues when she started her 2 full days. She was 9 months when she started but the same procedure was was older children.

Sorry I said it's shit, I'm sure it's fine in other areas. reading back your daughter is still very young ( I though she was older) so the the settling in has to be done properly so she isn't put off by the experience.