Nursery withholding information

[sandy2012]

My Ds aged two and a half had been attending a private nursery for just over a year he has settled in well ad appears to really enjoy himself there. I can see it has done wonders for his development and speech. He is currently being potty trained which is going well or so I thought. A few weeks ago he came home from nursery and started to cry he told me that one of his teachers had shouted at him for wetting himself he cried for almost an hour and kept saying to me mummy dont shout I wee wee in toilet. I was rather upset about this as I never shout at him if he wets himself its part of the process. I asks him who shouted at him and he said a teachers name and in an aggressive voice shouted out that she said. I called the nursery to discuss this as I was quite alarmed he was so upset.
The assistant manger on the day said following a chat with the teachers there was no "incident"he did wet himself was changed and continued to play happily. I was surprised with her response as I don't believe a two year old child is capable of making things up and furthermore why would he be n such a state?

The next time my child attended nursey I asked to speak to the actual manager and it Came to light that my Ds was upset and crying when he last attended nursery,when he wet himself.

I was neve told this, I was lead to believe he had, had th best day of his life!

Then the actual manager acknowledged that the teacher in question had been asked to tone down her manner they agrred she can come across aggressive I am really upset still at the fact that when I was called by the manager allbeit assistant manger that I was simply told my Ds was find. The nursery has blatantly lied to me and I feel a slight cover up between nursery and teachers behaviour.

This is the first incident since he joined but i am wondering what else are they / have they hidden from me? I don know what to do but feel mad about the situation. Have complained to head office and both head office and nursery have apologised but somehow it does not feel enough I feel so mad and scared of sending him there now like I said otherwise I really like/ed the nursery

Dont know how to get past this

Sometimes kiddies names can get mixed up you can quite often get two or three children with the same name in one group, however you specifically asked the ass manager about your child and she carried out an inquiry by speaking to the nursery worker about this specific incident, so personally I dont think a mix up in names could have happened in this case. The manager then told you imo something totally different, so at least you know that the manager is honest, I would imagine a bad one would have gone along with the story already given in that regard thats a plus point. I am quite concerned though that the manager is aware of the nursery workers manner, that its not appropriate and that he/she has already been asked to tone it down. I would be distinctly unhappy about this nursery, workers who have to tone it down should not be working with children!.

I agree that I would be wondering what else is not quite right, although your lo sounds like he was happy before this incident, you have quite rightly lost trust with the ass manager and obv the worker who upset your lo so much. I would find it very hard to continue using this nursery, at the very least I would want to know what action was being taken towards the ass manager for lying and what pdp is in place for the worker involved I would also want copies of the behaviour management, transitions and toileting policys with assurances that these policys will in future be met fully. Is your ds key worker good ? are you able to share your concerns with him/her? a good key worker will not only care for you child but also should know the family well and be interested in your welfare too.

Lots of reassurance I think will be needed for your lo hope he comes through ok.

The assistant manager may not have been lying and may just have been mistaken. Then, when they told the manager about your conversation, the manager might have said ... oh no, you're thinking of child A, not child B. The 'agressive' member of staff just depends how agressive and in what way and how often - this might warrant a chat with the manager, to see whether this is a concern.

You obviously have no way of knowing if the assistant was deliberately misleading you, trying to make you feel better, or mistaken.

Have a meeting with them and this will either put your mind at rest, or help you decide your future plans.

The manager sounds great by the way.