Help... make me feel better about nursery!

[snowleopard]

I am the original bluestocking feminist who had totally intended to go back to work after having a baby, so I'm absolutely not passing judgement on anyone who sends their baby to a nursery/other childcare/whatever. But... I am so scared to leave DS in childcare and don't know how I can do it.

He is 7mo and has a place at a nursery in June, possibly sooner depending on the waiting list. In all respects things are good - it is a very good and highly recommended nursery, I like the staff, it is nearby and I work at home, and it would only be 3 days a week. In some moments I feel fine about it - in others I get in a total state thinking how can I do this to him? I think of him for 8 whole hours without me or DP there, wondering where I've gone and if he has been abandoned for ever...

Just want to be reassured or just to have people talk to me about how they did it and to hear that their kids who go to nursery are growing up secure and happy. Please! (Not meaning to start any kind of a heated debate on it.)

Bundle you're right and so ismy nursery - I'm sure they know what they're talkig about and I most cetainly don't. As soon as they said that I realised I was really thinking of myself, not DS

I wouldn't write anything off at this stage tbh - a nanny might well be worth considering if you intend to have more than one child, for example.

I think the "switching off" thing would come in time as well.

Actually, safety is one of the main reasons I prefer nurseries. For me it's safety in numbers of teachers. I don't think I would ever feel fully confident that a childminder would actually be able to use first aid in practise. I also prefer mine to be in a place with age appropriate toys. One of my friend's dd's choked on a tiny piece of lego at a childminder's belonging to an older child. My DS1 did have a particularly nasty fall in nursery and 2 teachers took him straight to A&E. I always wonder what kind of backup plan a childminder has in case of an accident. What does she do with the other children if she has to rush to hospital?
I think can childminders can be great and suit some children better than nurseries for sure. But I personally prefer professional care. To me, most of the childminders I visited were just mums who had taken up childminding to be at home with their own children. Then again, one of my friends prefers childminders for exactly that reason. She wants just another mum to look after her children.
Childminders can also be good because you can still use them when your child starts school.So can be someone who cares ofr your child very long-term if you are lucky to find the right one.

Sorry, to answer beejay's question from a while back - yes I will be working 3 days a week.

Exactly Fairymum, that's my main reason for prefering nursery too. I thought CMs were carefully checked and their houses made safe, but the one we visited had all kinds of domestic stuff everywhere - small ornaments low down etc., and she had a playroom with lego everywhere too. I prefer the idea of them being grouped according to age as I don't like to think of DS lying/crawling on the floor with some hulking 4yo charging around!

(Though I realise I'm being a bit precious and I'll have to wise up if I have another baby!)

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Sorry I didn't see your thread Psychobabble - but thanks for your post, it really helps. I hadn't thought of having a couple of weeks "off" after he starts before i start work (I'm freelance) - that would help a lot too, not having to get my work head on immediately while worrying about him! I do love my job and I know that energising feeling - I'm actually looking forward to doing some work, I just wish I could clone myself and look after DS as well!

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Just to put in a good word for childminders - apart from an initial course you have to do anyway, many of us actually do a lot more professional training (mine has taken several years to complete). We are encouraged by OFSTED to further our professionalism by doing training and courses. I might be working in my home, but I see that as something positive for babies.

Believe it or not, some of us are professional childcarers, not just "mums doing babysitting". There are lots of qualified nannies who move into childminding when they have childen of their own (so they're just as qualified as those who are in a nursery). My own children are now (technically) adults, so I certainly don't do this job so I can stay home and care for them - and I also don't do my housework during my working hours!

We are obliged to have back-up plans in place should there be an emergency, and we obviously have to do paediatric first-aid courses on a regular basis. OFSTED inspect childminders as well as nurseries.

I totally understand a parent's fears about "safety" and not knowing how your child would be treated if left in someone's sole care. That's why parents have to look at all the daycare options, visit loads, ask questions, ask other people. There are some rubbish childminders out there, and there are some rubbish nurseries too, but there are also lots of lovely nurseries and childminders too. Not that I'm biased.

ThePrisoner, I agree with your post. Theer are good and bad on both sides of course. Can I ask you what your backup plan in case of an emergency is? I have always wondered about this. Let's say you have to rush off to hospital or go with a small child in an ambulance?

fairymum
I am also a registered childminder and i believe that in a lot of ways i can offer as good if not better than good quality care than a nursery.I have picked up friends kids from nursery which seem to be staffed with groups of nattering young girls who are completley ignoring the childern.Having said that i worked in a couple of nurseries before i had kids and they were great places which offered wonderful care for little ones.
As to emergency procedures i have a back up plan.My dp works 5 mins away and can be home immediatly if need be,i also have 2 fellow childminder friends who are also on hand for me (as i am for them)in an emergency.We all carry contact details of our own and each others kids in the event of something happening on trips etc too.I carry out first aid training every year and i think i'm as qualified as any nursery staff member to carry it out.Most childminders i know are totally professional and committed to providing good childcare.Sorry if i am going on a bit but there are good and bad in all childcare options.

Hmmm....yes but that backup plan is not good enough for me I'm afraid. What if your DH is in a meeting, what if your childminder friends are out on the school run? If you are looking after only about 3 children, then I would be satisfied, but from what I see many childminders look after far more than 3 children (especially if they also do the school run) and to me it just doesn't look safe.

And yes, of course childminders can be good first aiders. The trouble is you just don't know. I feel more comfortable with 5 nursery teacher in my son's room, that one of them would be able capable. It's possible that some statistic would say that more children have accidents in nurseries than at childminders, so at the end of the day it's just what you are personally more comfortable with.

So how do you know that any one of the nursery teachers are good first aiders then? Does your son always have 5 staff in the room. IME when i worked in nursery settings generally a couple of staff can be away out with the children and one on a break.I was quite often left in a room with lots of little ones on my own,having had no first aid training etc.

Children have sadly died through being fed the wrong foods at nursery and also escaped whilst at nursery. Accidents can happen anywhere but I have a mobile and a car and if the situation was so bad that I couldn't take everyone in the car to a and e with me whilst alerting parents/carers(4 of us max)then I would call an ambulance and send the child alone.
It could be perceived as more unsafe to be living a more 'homely', 'out and about in cars and the community' life than being in a nursery all day but I'm not sure that it is.
I hope it all goes well for you and your ds. I really remeber those same feelings of dreading sending my ds at 4mths to his childminder, but he has thrived and we all adjusted very quickly.

Right, I don't know that the teachers are good firstaiders, but I think there are greater odds that one of them are . I have chosen good nurseries for mine where in one building (divided into several rooms) there 15 teachers in all. 5 per room. The staff-child ratio is also very important for me at the baby/toddler -stage. I also check that the majority of the staff has NVQ training. And the sending a child alone in an ambulance scenario is exactly what would worry me I'm afraid. Yes, accidents can happen anywhere and it's how you deal with it.

I have made use of my first-aid training on three occasions (not related to childminding, but used since I've been registered) - two of those needed immediate hospital attention at the time, but only I was available. They were serious problems, and I dealt with them appropriately. Both of them wouldn't happen to most people in their lifetimes. I think the chances of any of us having to put our first-aid training to use like that is remote, and I think anyone who has a proper first-aid training would have done what I did (be they childminders or nursery staff).

My own immediate emergency back-up plan involves dh (if there was time for him to return from work - but he is currently working from home!) or one of my 3 dds if around (all older than 18). My second is one of my minding mums - she works a couple of minutes from my house, works from home, is known by all my families, has all the phone numbers (including schools). To be honest, if all else fails, everyone gets into an ambulance, I guess. Who knows what would happen if a situation arose!!! Everyone does the best that they can, and nobody can legislate and plan for everything.

As a parent with 3 kids aged 14 10 and 17 months it's possible that if an accident occoured outside my working hours,eg accident to 10 yr old and 14 yr old out chilling with mates i may have to send 10 yr old in ambulance alone and round up dd and eldest and meet at hosp,it wouldn't be ideal situation but it's not the end of the world is it? A child going to hosp alone isn't the worst thing that could happen.Your nursery probably is good but you do not always have the right ratio all the time in any of the rooms,even the baby rooms.The ratios are usually under what they should be ime.

Well, when my child had an accident in nursery he was 18 months and taken to A&E by two teachers who stayed with him while they waited for me. One drove the car and the other one comforted him in the backseat. An 18 month-old child in an ambulance by himself? I think I said in one of my earlier posts that I was quite laid-back (ha ha!). On these sorts of things I am totally neurotic, probably because I am a mother to extremely accident prone children. I feel that I know exactly how the nursery would act in an emergency and I think most of the emergency plans outlined by childminders everytime I ask are fairly "fluffy". I don't feel comfortable looking after several children in my own house either, so I suppose these kinds of things are always in the back of my mind because it's actually happened to me on several occasions.

The nursery would have to have exceptionally good adult:child ratios to be able to spare two staff and still leave adequate cover behind. I know that from the child's perspective nothing is as good as a failiar carer but ambulance staff are often parents/grandparents themselves and we are very capable of caring/comforting/distracting small children and babies.
In a life threatening situation passengers can be more of a hindrance.

Yes, our nurseries have a good staff-child ratio (3:1 and it's a big nursery). Costs a small fortune though. I am really suprised that you think it's okey to send a small child alone in an ambulance. I think it would be very traumatic for any child. They need to be with someone they know when they presumably are frightened and hurting. And who looks after them during the stay in often hectic A&E? Surely the hospital staff would prefer if the child came with a guardian? No, I have to say this just confirms my thoughts when it comes to safety and childminders. Anyway, each to their own and luckily accidents are far and few between

I don't really understand why an issue such as who would go in an ambulance with him would be such a high priority tbh
a very one off occurrence that in all likelhood will NEVER happen
I can think of SOOOO many other things that would outweigh this

I know that any child in my ambulance would be totally cared for and I know that any of my colleagues would also treat any lone child very very well. A familiar escort is better - if available - for communication help and comfort, but yes I think sending a small child alone is okay if the situation warrants an ambulance. I am insured as a childminder to take children to the doctor's/walk-in a and e dept. my own car, something I wouldn't imagine nursery staff would be able/insured to do - so I really can't imagine anything except a 999 emergency that I personally would need to call an ambulance for.
Of course parents/carers/emergency contacts would be informed of the nature of the emergency immediately and I would imagine that in most cases they would hotfot it to the hospital to care for their child asap.