I expect this issue is discussed regularly on Mumsnet so please forgive if this is going over old ground (as every situation is ever so slightly different): -
I'm a SAH mother-of-two DDs: a nearly 3-year-old (34 months) and a 9-month-old. Before the 9-month-old was born I started the older DD (who, at the time, was nearly 2) at our local village nursery with a view to sending her a couple of mornings per week (to give me some 1-1 time with the new arrival and to start her off on a gentle, gradual process of pre-school socialisation). After an initial settling-in period, I left her there for two hours at most, once a week, and she seemed fine until about the fourth day. I got a call from the nurserythat day to say that she was really upset, crying and that she'd made herself vomit by sticking her fingers down her throat (unfortunately something that she is wont to do when feeling highly emotional/frustrated). A classic case of bad timing, in all likelihood, as 2-year-olds are (apparently and perhaps understandably) notoriously difficult to settle in nursery. DH and I decided to take her out and hold off for another year until she was older, more ready, and also more used to having her little sis around the place.
So, that year came and went, and now we are in the process of trying again, this time with a view to doing 2 days/week. She's much more able to communicate with and understand us now, is more interested in others of her own age, and we've spent a lot of time this summer preparing her mentally for "school". We point it out when passing and talk in positive terms about all the fun she'll have playing with the boys and girls, and we've read books and bought sticker books about starting school, etc. She seemed genuinely excited and keen to go.
This time round, the keyworker at the nursery (same nursery as before, but different room) has been much more prescriptive about their settling-in procedures. I wasn't sure whether this was the result of a new manager, a different key worker, the older agegroup, or the fact that my card was marked (as a pain-in-the-arse mother who hangs around instead of dropping her child off and leaving promptly - they seem to favour the 'drop 'em & leave' approach to settle-in sessions!). Anyway, this morning, regrettably against my better instincts, i went along with their suggestion to say goodbye promptly and tell DD that I'd be back to pick her up in a short while (2 hours to be precise). She was a little subdued but seemed fine and waved goodbye to me (and DD#2) from the window. After an hour I phoned to see how she was getting on and was told that she'd become pretty upset and made herself sick again but that they were dealing with it and not to worry, etc. I went back to get her immediately. She was calmer (though still visibly quite upset), chatting, occasionally smiling, and painting with one of the assistants. I took her home and she's steadfastly avoided talking about her experience, save for making it quite clear that she does not want to go back to school.
I'd really appreciate some wisdom/advice on what to do next! Is she not ready yet? Is it worth asking the nursery if we can adopt more of a gradual approach to settling-in? Or do I do the same again next week and hope for the best? Do any of you have experience of a toddler making herself sick when distressed or frustrated? Is this something I should be worried about or is it a phase that will pass (she started doing it on longish car journeys to indicate that she was fed-up but has since done it only when really upset or anxious). Any advice/wisdom/experience appreciated (if you're still reading - sorry for long post).