DS is very shy and his nursery teachers are getting frustrated

[neverontime]

My DS started nursery just over a year ago, and although he settled very very well, he is still shy and refuses to talk in front of other children. If there is only a handful of children he will talk if encouraged.

My DD is completely the opposite, she started nursery a month ago and is very chatty and socialable.

The nursery teachers seem to be getting a bit frustrated with DS, today for example his teacher said DD is great in class, answering questions and joining in but DS is still not talking, cue eye rollling, tuts and head shaking. This was said in earshot of my children, and it is most definately not going to help the situation, i dont want him to feel being shy is bad thing.

I know DS is just a shy child, but i thought he would be feeling a lot more comfortable by now, obviously this is just his personality and thats fine, i was a shy child myself.

Anyone had a similar experience or feel like offering advice? Please?

:)

No experience of such prolonged not talking, but I am very angry on your behalf at the unprofessionalism of the teacher!!!!

Those sort of negative comments are completely inappropriate - both for your and your DS's sakes. I would have a word with the whoever's in charge.

If they are acting like this then I can't see how the staff are going to be supportive of your DS and encourage him in a non-pushy way.

How to help him deal with it? My DS was a bit reserved, and didn't talk freely for awhile but did get more chatty when there were fewer children. In fact he didn't really start getting 'freely chatty' until he was about 3 1/2. Have you tried inviting one of the other children over to your house for a (dare I say it on here???!) playdate? It can be quite hard at some nurseries to meet other parents if the drop off/pick up times are random, but it really did help my DS, and the two boys whose mothers I got friendly with and was able to invite over are counted by him as his 'best friends' (for whatever that's worth at age 4!).

i've had a few children round over the last year and he has grown very close to one in particular. he doesnt seem to have a problem when he's playing with other children, he'll join in with no problems and is happy to lead the play, so i'm wondering if it is just when there are teachers around, or maybe this one teacher in particular.
she does have a very stern voice and is quite loud. unfortunately the teacher in question is the head of nursery and is supposed to be very very good at her job. altho, i know some members of staff arent too keen on her.

In that case you will need to make a point that you don't want your DS pushed in that regard. It will happen when he's good and ready, and you feel that pushing will just make him withdraw around adults even more.

TBH if he is ok with other children I don't think you have much of a problem. A sympathetic adult will be able to get along just fine with him.

The teacher sounds out of order. DD was very shy and her nursery did all they could to help. Could you ask them whether they (gently) help him play with other children and integrate so that he can begin to talk in front of the class?

Ds2 is very shy with other adults and children ( tho' not at home!) and is very shy at nursery. He has been there since he was 6 mths ( now 3.6) and , after gentle encouragment, and not drawing attention to the fact he is shy, has started talking to staff/children at nursery . Your ds will do the same, but he does not have to be like your dd or other children, and should not be made to feel that.

We have made the difficult decision to move ds2 out of his lovely nursery to the one adjoing his future school (where ds1 goes) so ha has longer to be with friends who will be in his class. I hope this turns out to be the right decision, but I feel it may be a rocky road.

I hope your ds is left ( and encouraged) to be his own person and grow in confidence at his pace.

thank you everyone, it really helps to know its not just me being oversensitive about the reaction the teacher had today.
and it helps even more to know there are other children who are equally as shy.
i will talk to the teacher tomorrow and see ask her to relax a bit as i am not worried because he is absolutely fine with other children.

cant help thinking i have done something wrong tho, just because DD is very chatty and outgoing with adults and children, where as DS is less comfortable around adults.

I would take both children out as it clearly isn't the right place for your DS as the staff are getting frustrated with your child .

the teacher in question had always been supportive and reassuring me he is doing fine before today, it was just the comment made today that got to me a bit.
Although to be fair, i have thought about it myself a few times.

i am reluctant to take them out as it is a good school nursery and they are both enjoying themselves and learning so much.