Worrying about DD's nursery - possibly silly

[Rugbylovingmum]

Hi,

DD has been at nursery 4 days a week since she was 8 months old. She settled into the baby room really well, loved her key worker and we were all happy. Then after xmas - she was 14 months - she moved up to the next room. She took a little while to settle in which I expected and she seems to have adjusted but even now she just doesn't seem as happy/settled as she was downstairs. The thing is I don't know if I am just making a fuss about nothing as I can write off my own concerns to a certain extent

• she is very clingy now in the mornings and doesn't want me to leave her whereas in the baby room she threw herself at her keyworker and waved me off but then she is getting a bit more clingy generally and doesn't want me to leave her so maybe just a phase/her age. They have said that she is fine 30 secs after I leave and she seems happy enough when I collect her although she is very tired by then so quite quiet.

• she doesn't seem to have really 'bonded' with any of the staff upstairs IYKWIM. I couldn't say she seems particularly fond of any of them. She never goes to them for cuddles/kisses or even really speaks to them when I'm there, she just comes to me to be picked up and waves bye bye, even when I'm talking to one of the girls she just cuddles in and ignores them. But maybe it's just that when I'm there she wants me to pick her up and she is more independent now so when I arrive she is playing rather being carried or sitting on their knee as she was in the baby room.

• part of the problem is that there are a few new staff and I don't even know who her keyworker is now or really who spends most of the day with her group. When I drop off/collect they have all the kids from just walking to preschool together. None of them seem to really know her the way the baby room staff did (eg yesterday one of the girls said they couldn't get her to eat her pudding so maybe she wasn't feeling well but she refuses 99% of puddings and always has, she doesn't like sweet stuff) but is that just part of them moving up through the rooms?

It's all just little things and feelings and I could just be blowing things out of proportion. I'm very stressed at work just now and feel quite anxious so I'm concerned I'm just finding problems where there are none. DP has said that he isn't as impressed with the nursery since she moved rooms but again he can't quite place why.

So my question is really do you think I should be worried ad how did you find it when your DCs moved out of the baby room - are these differences normal.

Oops, what a ramble . That's how confused I am!

PS I have been thinking about finding a childminder if I can so she will have 1 consistent carer when she is away from me. Has anyone else done this and how did it work out?

I am a CM and one of the advantages is being with the same carer from birth, for as long as you like, including school runs, etc.

This may just be the age she is at. More knowledgable nursery staff/parents will be along soon, to describe their arrangements for transitions between rooms at nursery.

OK - nursery parent (well, ex, both of mine have been at nursery from 4mo(DS)/6mo(DD) until school) here:

Talk to the manager and ask for a meeting with her keyworker. Stuff like not liking puddings they should know, and you should be comfortable that you know the team, etc.

DS was in a largeish nursery with very defined 'rooms' and change of rooms. It always did take a little while for him to be settled in a new room, and he would pine for the previous set of carers a little.

DD OTOH was in a much smaller, more informal nursery (we had moved) and there were no fixed boundaries between rooms so she was with the same extended team of carers (although she changed keyworkers, etc) throughout.

This is relevant only because it made no difference - they both went through phases where they would go straight into nursery without a backward glance, and others when they would cling and have to be prised off me (but were always fine 30secs later - sometimes I lurked out of sight just to check). So my bet would be that it is at least as much about the phase your DD is going through as it is about the change of room, and I would say from my experience that it was entirely normal.

Incidentally, DD, who is now in the preschool class of school, is going back to nursery for some of the holidays (more holiday than I can cover!) and she is squealingly excited about it

Why don't you try to list all the positives? E.g. is DD changed regularly and effectively, i.e not coming home with dirty bottom or nappy rash? Does she get a varied and balanced diet, does she eat most of what's on offer? Does she happily have a regular nap at nursery? Does she come home with artwork etc? Do they have indoor and outdoor play? Do the children in the room seem happy, well-cared for? Is there a set communication system e.g. home-link diary, daily report sheet? If you can reassure yourself that the nursery is doing what it is supposed to, then it will feel easier to put the smaller stuff into perspective.

I'm sure it's just a phase for your DD but there's no harm phoning the nursery manager just to talk through your concerns non-confrontationally - but I'm sure there is nothing to worry about.

Thanks for the responses. After all that worrying DD happily skipped into nursery this morning without a backward glance - for the first time in weeks! I've had a chat with DP again this morning and realised that my main problem is just not knowing who her keyworker is (the board still has her old keyworker listed but she left a couple of months ago) or which staff are generally in her room so when I have a little worry I have no idea who to approach for a little reassurance.

Fluffyanimal - you are right about the positives. She eats really well there and I have no worries about nappy changes etc. She comes home covered in paint or with soaking clothes in her bag after water play so I know they are doing lots of activities and walks etc.

Stealth - thanks for the reassurance, it's good to know lots of children go through this stage.

I'm going to get in touch with the manager and ask who DDs key worker is and also ask if they could maybe do a board with staff photos and names for the nursery (I know some nurseries have this) or send out a newsletter introducing the new staff.