If you've worked in a nursery, PLEASE tell me the truth!

[pipkin35]

DD is a very (ahem) demanding 2 yr old. She goes to nursery 3 days a week. They always say she's had a good day and there is never ANY reports of tantrums, shouting/demanding - in fact, any of the behaviour she so charmingly and frequently displays at home.

I'm curious - is it really true that lil ones are SO completely and utterly different in a nursery environment, or just don't the staff want to go into all that? (I'm happy with the nursery and always get reports on her activities etc...)

We have no family etc...near, so my only experience of my DC's being with anyone else, is at their nursery.
Thanks

Yes, children often behave much worse for their parents than they do for childcarers! I'm worked in nurseries and as a nanny, and you can have an absolute angel until the second mummy walks in...

Yup, back in my childminding days I cared for a little girl who I'd seen have the most awful tantrums with her mum. I was a little dubious about taking her on, but she really was an absolute angel with me. The minute her mum arrived, though... Apparently it's got something to do with them feeling "safe" enough with mum to behave badly.

That's a bit of a relief TBH. I have an older DS at the same nursery and am happy leaving them there, the staff are ace.
But my DD is actually proper mental. Real Jekyll and Hyde. I'd hate for the staff to think of her as a nightmare. She's got an exceptionally loud deep voice and honestly, an old woman at a cafe last week actually spilled her tea hearing my DD shout "GIVE IT ME NOW!" - she kinda growls along with it. Especially cos she's a mass of blonde curls and looks like butter wouldn't melt.

Yes, I used to go to a playgroup/toddler group with one of my DCs and there was a older boy who I know was a mightmare for his mum but never caused any trouble at the playgroup.

Yep as a nanny and a nursery nurse I have had parents say exactly the same as you yet not seen anything like it.

One little boy was an absolute angel and everyone we met would comment on it but for his mother it was a totally different story

Yes, they behave differently for other people. That's when you know you have done a good job - they can behave, they just choose not to when they are with their mummies. It's a fact of life.
Also, as a nursery nurse, I don't expect children to be little angels all the time, totally unrealistic. I know what children are like, I have been around them long enough 20 years plus).
We also have ways of making them comply

purepurple - any tips to share?

jareth, you need to perfect the stare go and practise in the mirror.
Mine can stop a 3 year old in their tracks across a crowded room
You also need the voice try and remember a teacher you had at school that meant business, they will have had one of those voices that starts loud and then finishes softly, possibly finishing with a 'thank you'

The rest is done to getting to know the children as individuals and always staying in control. That last bit is key, actually, that bit of distance, is so different from when it is your own child you are dealing with.

I think it can go on through school years too.
My mum couldn't believe the reports of the helpful, polite, shy, conscientious, girl she was hearing about.

down not done

I'm working on the stare, did induce lip wobbling recently, so on the right track

The voice really needs work though....

Another NN here.
Purepurple is right about the voice. If you want a child to sit down, for example, your voice needs to avoid sounding like you're hopeful or just asking a question. It needs to say what will happen. The sun will rise in the morning, rivers will flow, the stars will stay in the sky, and you WILL sit down.

Try practicing a little rumble in the voice when you're 'angry'. I say 'angry' because being angry for real is usually trouble. Best to walk away when you get like that. Being out of control is bad.

To the OP:

Children are different in different situations and so are you! Think how you behave in a library, out with the girls, with your parents etc. Different environment, different rules and different people.

yep - my DS is an angel at nursery ( i can hear him as i work there - but upstairs!, they don't believe how naughty he is at home.

I've got another one - he's been polishing his halo all week at nursery... though occasionally when overtired they get to see his real colours!