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Nursery Dilemma Advice Needed pls!

21 replies

MamaWolf · 16/01/2011 16:23

My LO (aged 3.5 Months at the time) had a first one-off day in Nursery in early Sept as my partner and I usually manage to co-ordnate our work so that one of us is around, but we desperately needed childcare for 1 day only.

When I arrived home that afternoon (my partner had picked him up) I noticed that LO had some food caked into the sleeve of his babygrow. I wondered what it was, but presumed that another slightly older child (on solids) must have touched his arm with a food covered hand. After that I didn't think about it again.
The nursery knew he was a breast fed baby, and I had sent my partner to the nursery armed with expressed milk.

Just after Christmas, I was taking stuff to the dry cleaners, and I found a piece of paper in my partner's trouser pocket. It was a piece of paper that children are sent home from nursery with each day, with information about what they did each day on it. My LO's form had a list of the food that had been eater that day in nursery, and on it was listed the menu (Tomato pasta bake, and Vanilla sponge and custard). In the column to the right were the details of what LO had eaten. NExt to Pasta bake it said- "ate well", next to VAnilla sponge and custard it said- "ate a few spoonfuls".

I asked my partner to call up the nursery to ask what had happened, and they categorically denied that LO could have possibly been fed solids. My partner also thinks that it is highly unlikely, however, I am unconvinced, and do not want to get into a confrontation with the nursery, as it is too upsetting. One of the main reasons I am unconvinced is to do with the food that was on his sleeve the day he came home.

There is no way to find out what really happened on the day, but regardless of whether LO was fed or not, why did they fill in the form incorrectly? My mind keeps going over what could have happened if LO had happened to have an allergy and been seriously ill or worse; we had no way of knowing what reaction he would have as he had only had breastmilk up to that point. I keep thinking that I need to contact someone, as I fear another breast milk only child (if they were fed solids as the form indicated) could have a more serious reaction.

I want advice on whether any one else would take any further actions on this matter?

Thanks in advance for any help.

OP posts:
Tootlesmummy · 16/01/2011 16:28

Sorry but they would have spoken to your partner on the day and handed him the form so I think if you were going to make something of it then would have been the time.

Also at that age I very much you child would have known what to do and I think highly unlikely to have eaten well.

I think you have to let it go.

compo · 16/01/2011 16:30

So he only ever went there once?
Did he have settling in sessions?
Didn't you know yiyr dh would be coming home with such a sheet and think to ask for it?
Sounds like you got the wrong sheet ( hope so anyway ) but yes there's not much you can do now as they'll just deny it Sad

falsemessageoflethargy · 16/01/2011 16:31

I think you would have noticed as your baby probably would have been really constipated. And the poo would have looked and smelt completely different.

eviscerateyourmemory · 16/01/2011 16:31

I think that it is more likely that the form is inaccurate.
You will never know for sure, but is is unlikely that a 3.5 month old who had never had solids before would have eaten enough to be described as eating a pasta bake 'well'. Did you notice any change in your DS nappies after the day at nursery - solid food usually means a noticable change to the nappies.
It is more likely that a nursery nurse sat down with a pile of forms and filled them all in at once, making an error. Which isnt brilliant either, but probably better for your baby, IYSWIM.

falsemessageoflethargy · 16/01/2011 16:33

And am a bit surprised that a nursery would take such a young baby for just one day as well - was there no family or friends you could have left him with? I find it all very odd tbh.

They put any old rubbish on the forms ime - nothing to go by at all.

onimolap · 16/01/2011 16:35

I think it's possible that someone filled in a whole batch of day sheets with that day's menu and commented "ate well" for everyone who hadn't memorably done differently.

I doubt that they'd have make such a vast feeding error as giving lunch to a yet-to-be-weaned child, but it's worth bearing in mind for the future that such sheets are not necessarily worthy the paper they're written on (but do tick all the "communication with parents" boxes).

MamaWolf · 16/01/2011 16:57

Thanks for the replies.

Falsemessageoflethargy: I have no family that I think Yes, I do hope live near me, and the nursery were more than happy to let us put LO in for the day, as I do not need contracted hours and am currently balancing being a student and full-time mum.

compo: Yes, we had two settling in sessions, adn I wasn't told that LO would come home with a form. It was our first experience of child care, and so I did not know what to expect. A health visitor had recommended the nursery to us.

As for his nappies, I find that baby poo changes all the time, so I don't know if I really would have noticed, and I can't remember who changed his nappy that afternoon, or whether it was changed in the nursery. LO is sometimes colicky too so may not have noticed that either, in any case, he wouldn't necessarily have shown constipated signs either.

A friend recommended that I contact SS to discuss it with them, but this sounds rather extreme. I would just really like the nursery to take on board the seriousness of making such errors, whether administrative or real.

OP posts:
falsemessageoflethargy · 16/01/2011 17:01

You would notice when purely bf poo changes to solids poo - honestly, its a massive change. And it would go on for a few days afterwards.

Social services? I think thats going way over the top tbh.They said they didnt do it and you have to trust them - thats the whole thing about childcare.

Pancakeflipper · 16/01/2011 17:12

SS is extreme especially so late after the event. I betcits an admin error. It happens. It's best to chat with a member of staff for a couple of mins rather than read a form ( they seem to be for inspection purposes not the benefit of the child).

If you are not wanting to pop into the nursery to discuss this calmly then let it drop.

MamaWolf · 16/01/2011 17:18

Yes, it is my inclination to just let it drop as I don't see where it can go, perhaps my partners brief conversation was enough to highlight to the staff there that the form was incorrectly filled in.

In the current climate though, when we are seriously recommended to breast feed until 6 months to prevent allergies later in life and digestion problems (recent news headlines not-withstanding), it is very worrying to hear that your baby might have been fed. We have a history of bowel cancer and coeliac in our family as well, so I am pretty sensitive on the issue. Oh well. I will just have to try not to think about it I guess.

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 16/01/2011 17:25

I really do think your baby didn't have any food. As your baby was new in the nursery a member of staff messed up the form.

My youngest is in day care a couple of days a week when I work and he's got a food intolerance. And once they put on he had cookies and milk (both things he cannot have). I was not happy. The poor manager got the brunt of my concerns . The staff got a ticking off and my trust slipped a little. They made an error on the form - he'd had a different snack.So I know your concern but honestly sometimes these forms create worry.

MamaWolf · 16/01/2011 17:48

Yes, I hope so. I think I was a little naive about the state of unscrupulous professionalism in nurseries, and my trust has also slipped a little- which is probably a good thing, I guess.

Well, I think I will talk again to the nursery manager, as I think they need a slightly sterner talking to than my partner was able or willing to do.

Thanks again for everyone's replies.

OP posts:
purepurple · 16/01/2011 19:36

'a slighty sterner talking to' Yes, that will sort them outHmm

MamaWolf · 16/01/2011 21:27

purepurple- do I detect a note of scepticism? What would you do in such a situation?

OP posts:
purepurple · 20/01/2011 11:24

I doubt very much that your husband was just given a piece of paper about your baby's day and not actually told anything face to face. He will probably have been told what your child did/ had to eat (if anything). The time to question it was then, not 4 months later. I don't think anyone would remember what happened on a particular day in september.
The tone of your posts are very patronising. You don't give childcare professionals a 'stern talking' to. They are not naughty children who need taking in hand.
I expect what happened is that because your DD was only there for one day and probably didn't have a key person, a daily sheet was filled in wrongly and doesn't bear any correlation to the care she received.

MamaWolf · 21/01/2011 15:49

purplepurple: Your comments are far from helpful. In fact, I think you only bothered to post out of malice anyway. Your recollection of information from my post is also innacurate: It was less than 1 month later, I have no husband, and I have a son, who is very dear to me. Do you even have any children? A stern talking to is what is required if a professional makes a serious error on a piece of paperwork, that implies your child has been fed food when they are breast fed alone.
I really wish you had not bothered to post anything, you create a very sour feeling.

OP posts:
purepurple · 22/01/2011 07:50

Okay, DP/DH what's the difference?
DD/DS typo
Get a grip woman
September was 5 months ago, if you are thinking of complaining now. How is that inaccurate?
I expect that you feel so guilty that you had to put your DS into childcare for even just one day, you have turned that guilt into anger and directed it at the nursery.
Food allergies don't happen on the first time anyway. You can only have a reaction to something you have had before.
What difference does it make to you if I have any children? Totally irrelevant.
Oh, and social services would not be interested and do not have anything to do with regulating nurseries.
Just a reminder for the future. Don't ask for advice on a public forum if you are not going to be receptive to the answers.

MamaWolf · 23/01/2011 11:04

It was early December. That was a typo. A public forum is for advice, not judgment.

OP posts:
sammich · 29/01/2011 15:58

There seems to be a lot of typos in your post and your post seems to change or have a typo when someone says anything bad about your post

Social services as has been said do not regulate nurseries and will tell you so they will not care your child got a sheet because they are too busy doing their job aka helping to prevent children being abused to be concerned about a matter of paperwork

It is your choice to talk to the nursery manager who will be (generally) be nice and listen to you but as soon as you hang up will think you need to be sectioned for making fuss over something like paperwork when your child came to no harm except for a small amount of food on a piece of clothing

IsItMeOr · 29/01/2011 16:12

MamaWolf - If I were you, I would chalk this one up to experience and let it go.

Assuming we're talking about a nursery in the UK here, it is very, very unlikely that your DS will have been given anything other than appropriate milk.

If you are planning to leave your DS with the nursery at some point in the future, I would say that you will want to familiarise yourself with their routines before doing so, and have a conversation with them about what will happen with food as well as anything else that is a particular concern for you and your DS. That would be a positive way to address any concerns you have. If you're not happy with the outcomes of that conversation, then find somewhere else to care for your DS.

mummysweeangel · 29/01/2011 18:13

sammich i dont think your post was at all helpful Hmm

people come onto mumsnet to offload, get advice - not to be made to feel stupid (e.g. typos) or be told that others may think they need sectioned Shock

Mamawolf - i do think that this was a case of the wrong paperwork being passed to your husband on that day and if you are happy with everything else in the nursery then i would let this one thing go - although i do agree that more care should be taken when giving parents paperwork as mistajes like this clearly cause confusion and upset- but its understandable you felt the way you did.

Hope everything settles down and you enjoy your child learning and thriving in nursery x

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