Staying with child?

[pickyourbattles]

A friend of mine is trying to settle her 2.7 yr old DS into nursery for the first time. He has been at home with her since day one, is an only child and can be quite clingy. He is really struggling to settle in and is quite upset and nursery staff have now asked her to stay and sit in the corner reading a book "till he settles in better" .

This isn't normal is it?

How on earth is he going to understand that nursery means being away from mum if she is always there? I don't have vast experience of nurseries but my understanding is that if a child is upset you dispatch parent asap and then distract, distract, distract until they settle.

Anyone else have experience of being asked to stay?

It isn't something that would normally be recommended but if in a case where they have tried to settle the child without the parents and not had any sucess then we have in the past asked the parent to stay in the room with the child, and play with or read books with them while they are calmer just to become a little bit familar with the environment, and over a few days increase small periods of time when mum can leave the room for a few minutes and sit in reception and then go back in, So the child starts to understand that they are commming back. It can be difficult for some children, particulary if it is their first experience of being away from mum, and hopefully maybe a couple of short settling in sessions with mum there might help. good luck

Did the child have any settling in visits when they visited with the child and stayed and played with the child and them there at the same time, so the child knows its okay to be there and over a couple of visits leave the child for longer periods while there in the next room or in the staff room? if this didnt happen they probably are trying to do that now during the actual sessions so the child feels more secure in the settle

Its normal as in the sense of it should of happened before the little one started the setting but its happening now instead

Thank you both for your answers - very interesting. No, she didn't stay before, but then neither did I with either of mine so just assumed this was normal .

It just seemed to be prolonging the agony to me but maybe it's because he's that much older than either of my boys were when they started?

Younger children are easier to settle generally because they can be easily distracted by cuddles, bubbles, toys, mirrors ect and older children are very much aware of the surronding they are in and when there carer goes (and if the carer hasnt spent a lot of time away from little one they think they have left for good) so its more good practice to have the carer go in and out in trial/taster sessions to get them used to it and get little one used to staff and other children and general layout of the setting ect ...

However this shouldnt go on to long as there is a posiability of the child thinking carer stays here while i do and if they ever tried to leave it would be very confusing to the child so there is a fine line and its why its generally best practice to do it before the actual start date