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How long will it be before ds likes nursery????

8 replies

OverflowingMum · 23/11/2010 19:51

I have recently returned to work after several years as a SAHM I have 6 dc, 5 are at school, and the youngest, DS2 aged 2 1/2 has started at a private nursery. DS goes 4 dyas a week, mon, tue and thurs 8.30 till 3.00 and weds 8.30 till 5.30.
He has been there now since August. We did lots of settling in visits for him. He has never really been left with anyone before this, but I do consider him quite an outgoing , confident child. Initially he was very upset at being left, which was understandable. I persvered , and always try not to react to his tears etc.. in the morning, but now 4 months later he still seems to be not liking it Sad He often sobs his heart out when I drop him off, although sometimes will be less upset. He says things like "mommy no go work" "I no like nursery" and "no nursery more" quite frequently Sad It is just really upsetting meSad
The staff say he is OK once I go, and is settled and joins in etc...but often when Ipick him up he is looking a bit lost and sad.
I do like the staff, and I think there are lots of good things about the nursery. Its not that I think there is anything wrong with the nursery as such (and I have used a few for different dc in my time!) but I hate seeing hime so sad, and hearing him tell me he doesnt like nursery Sad
So how long do you think it will take for him to be more positive about nursery? Or will he?Do you think he would feel the same wherever he was being left? I suspect he just wants to be home with me, which cant happen cause we cant afford for me to stay home any more Sad
Any views...I am feeling quite sad about it all at the moment.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 23/11/2010 19:57

hmmm i have to admit that i don't think i would be happy with it either.
my personal thought is that if after 3 months of going 4 days a week he is still really crying and not wanting to nbe there then i would be thinking about taking him out

i wonder if he would be happier in a different childcare setting? a childminder perhaps, where he is in a more home-like environment and there are less children?

i often hear people say that the kids are ok once they've gone... but i think it's also important for your child to know that when he is really upset about something you try and do something about it.
I know that it isn't always possible though...

OverflowingMum · 23/11/2010 20:11

thanks Thisisyesterday now even more Sad
I did recently look into childminders...1 was good but couldnt do 2 of the days I needed. 1 was quite nice, but I wasnt convinced as she was newly registered and very young (although may have turned out great, just I was looking for someone with more experience) and one that I thought was good on initial meeting actually turned out to be SO horrible, and I almost went with her(long stroy but see my thread unbder the childminders section!) I know of maybe 2 others in the area, but they are full...and tbh the experience I had with the one I nearly signed up with has scared me and put me off CM Shock
I am so sad. I would love to be able to stay home with him another year, but we honestly just cant afford to do that Sad
I am nervous about trying another nursery, as it will be more change for him , with no garuntees he'll be any better...
Would love a nanny, but really cant afford one...
Just feel so stuck, and sad and miserable Sad

OP posts:
KickButtowski · 23/11/2010 20:21

Please try and rationalise this - he is somewhere safe and he is being cared for properly. Yes, the ideal thing for him and you would be to just stay at home, but that's not possible so you are doing the next best thing.

Unless there is a specific problem with this nursery then change seems a bad idea, as you say, it will just disrupt him further. Can you observe him secretly just to be sure that all is well? I kept on doing this as I could not understand why on earth my children were crying so much - it was upsetting at times, but reassuring that there was no problem or specific reason for it.

thisisyesterday · 23/11/2010 20:29

i am trying to think what i would do in a similar situation, i'm sorry i[ve made you feel more sad :(

woudl it be possible to take some time off work, even if it was just mornings off for a week or so, to try more settling-ion sessions with him?

have the nursery suggested anything? what is his keyworker like?
i guess i am thinking that perhaps we could re-do the settlign. you stay with him for the first hour or so, so he knows you are there and then just keep going out for a few minutes at a time and gradually increase it?

may not work tho :(

what area are you in? roughly?

OverflowingMum · 24/11/2010 17:45

OK...so I'm trying to be rational...really I am...
BUT this morning he was hysterical when I dropped him off. Starting screaming as soon as we pulled into the carpark, then was clinging to me absolutely distraught and had to pried off me by the nursery worker Sad
I always try to stay calm, and be firm, but positive with hime...I tell him "a little play, lunch , a rest, a bit more play, then mummy comes back" and tell him I have to go...I hovered in the corridor for a while (less than 5 mins) and he was still really sobbing, with one of the workers telling him to stop (firmly but nicely I think)
I cried all the way to work....I just cant imagin he could be that unhappy if he really enjoyed his time there. I cant bare to think that I have to subject him to that 4 days a week, but am just so stuck and feel I have no choice.
This is really beging to effect me, together with other general stress of going back to work I am beging to feel so downSad

OP posts:
OverflowingMum · 24/11/2010 17:46

thisisyesterday...we are in South Yorkshire

OP posts:
OverflowingMum · 24/11/2010 17:59

Also I dont think more settling in session would help. We really did loads over about 4 weeks, and he actually was more upset during these than during his first full week....

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thisisyesterday · 25/11/2010 13:08

oh it's so hard isn't it? :(

perhaps you could put a shout-out on the childminder topic on here to see if anyone knows any in your area who has spaces?

or how about a nanny? as you don;'t need one full time you may be able to do a nanny-share which would work out cheaper?

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