Heard bad things about nursery daughter should be attending in Jan

[pip10]

My daughter who is 9 months old is going to be starting nursery in 2 months time and although I've been feeling a little apprehensive, I'm also feeling positive as I know that it will be really good for her .... Until today... my partner came home and told me that a work collegue who's daughter also attends the nursery are pulling her out, as they feel that she has been badly treated.

She said that her daughter had not been drinking enough milk, they said that she was always very distressed when collected, smelt of urine and when husband picked baby up early the other day she was laid faced down under a chair crying whilst others were being read a story I really could've cried when I heard this, but she also mentioned feeling guilty for sending her to nursery and that her baby has regular tantrums.

I spoke with my sister who is a teacher and who has worked with pre school, she said that I shouldn't worry too much and that I shouldn't start looking for another nursery. She said that when she worked with toddlers in the past when they had a moment, if they could not be distracted by something positive, or would not be comforted, they would often be left to basically get on with it... safely. She also mentioned that it is not one to one care and that they can't always spend 100% of their time dealing with a toddler having a paddy.

I just feel so sick about the whole thing, especially when I had such a fab feeling about this nursery when first visiting it, I've heard brilliant reports about it, it's also got a good offstead report.

Am I answering my own question here? I really don't know what to do

why don't you ring them and ask to have another look round?
no need to mention anything about the friend's child. just go and have a look and get a "feel" for what they are like

i think sensibly i would agree with your sister... you shouldn't base it on one thing. how old was the child in question? that would have a big bearing for me. if a baby then i'd be worried about her crying without being comforted... if a tantrumming toddler then it's a different story

I wouldn't pull my child out based on what one other parent thinks.

I'd see how things go myself and whether my child is happy.

One thing the nursery that DD will be attending next year said to us was that we should raise any issues we had with them straight away. Have these colleagues done this, or have they jumped to conclusions and let things fester?

Is their daughter really not drinking enough milk or is it just not as much as her mum would like? Is it because it isn't offered, or does she, for example, prefer water? Should the nursery force-feed her? Is she potty training or had an accident/ wee just at collection time that was missed in the commotion? Was she crying under a chair because she'd been asked to sit down quietly for the story and was throwing a tantrum instead? Plenty of parents will (try to) ignore a tantrum so it doesn't become an attention seeking behaviour. If the mum doesn't do it herself then she probably isn't going to be happy with the nursery doing it. There is probably all sorts of background to what has happened thar your DH just wasn't told.

If you've heard good things from other people and liked it before, go with your gut. You could always go for another look and ask questions about how they would handle tantrums and their policies on feeding and nappy changing and see if it puts your mind at rest.

I've had some worries about the nursery DS goes to (he loved the baby room but has just moved up to toddlers and is less settled) because of things I've seen, even though I really loved it when we chose it. After talking things over with my husband and friends I'm realising that my concerns are mainly because I don't yet have a good relationship with the staff in the new room, so when I see that he's not eaten a meal, for example, it worries me, even though I know full well that he sometimes doesn't eat meals at home, IYSWIM? Until I get to know the staff better, it feels wrong for them to do it even though they are doing the right thing. I'm going in to meet with nursery staff later today to try and get to know them a bit better and reassure myself that actually DS has a great time at nursery.

Go with your gut feelings. Have another look around (without mentioning the other child) at different times of the day and ask the staff about the children they're currently playing with to see how well they know them.

Also, try to separate your feelings about the separation (and possibly going back to work) from your worries about the nursery. I know my work-guilt was making my concerns seem much worse than they were!