Is 1 day a week worth it?

[felicity10]

Nursery places are VERY hard to come by where i live. Therefore, in order to return to work in feb, I need to start my daughter at nursery now, 1 day a week to get onto the complex waiting list system - and then, there is no guarantee that i will have the days i want by feb.

This is breaking my heart, I just am so torn...

• don't want to put a 7 month in nursery
• didn't want to go back to work with mixed childcare in place meaning that dd will find it harder to settle

• it's not that i worry that she won't be well cared for, I know that she would be fine, but she just wouldn't be with me and i so wanted to be able to give her a whole year. If I don;t start her at nursery though now I am going to make it harder for all of us come Feb - it's me that has the separation anxiety!!

Ladies, what do you think, have you had to deal with similar?! Or do i just forget the nursery thing and try and find a childminder, which might, just might be slightly easier to find - and perhaps might make me more comfortable than her being in a big nursery?

So fed up with this - I am meant to be enjoying my maternity leave!!

Why don't you look at childminders now, and see what the availability is and what you think of them.

If it isn't suitable you could look on one day a week at nursery for now as a very gentle easing in and a chance to do something for yourself (including easing yourself in!)

Would you get on the waiting list system on a half day? Just enough time to do the shopping & go swimming without noticing the lack of child!

Personally I would really avoid putting a child that young in nursery - and I would be worried about any nursery which is putting pressure on you to start a nursery so early in order to get a place, it sounds like the profit motive and the demands of their waiting list are more important than child development and wellbeing to them. In fact if that were me and I really wanted the nursery place I would probably pay for it but not send my child until I had to. Even if she 'would be fine' (and I'm not so convinced that that would necessarily be the case), the care she will get will definitely be inferior to that which she gets with you, and why would you want to do that when you don't have to?

Also, the problem with only one day a week is that it doesn't make it easier for the child - young children have short memories and she may well feel like she is left with strangers every week. I know a couple of children who have gone only one or two days a week and who have had a very difficult time of it as they had to resettle each week - in fact, both families I am thinking of have gone on to use childminders or nannies with a second child, saying they don't want to go through that again.

One other point is that often nurseries (and other people) tell you that it is your separation anxiety and the child will be fine once you've gone, this isn't necessarily the case. Young babies don't have any sense of time and they don't know that you will be coming back. If it feels wrong to you, trust your instincts and don't let yourself be pushed into anything. I have sat in on nurseries where young babies were 'settling in' and it was truly heart-rending.

I would definitely consider childminders or nannies and take every moment of maternity leave you can. It's not a good sign if a nursery is already trying to control you and make you do things you don't want to do.

I don't understand why the nursery are saying you have to start her so early? When we found our nursery (when DD was about 9mo) we talked to them about when we wanted her to start and what days etc. They booked her in so that she had a place ready for when she was 1yo. If there's no alternative, I'd be tempted to pay for the place but not use it until nearer the time you're returning to work.

I would not send her to a setting for one day a week if I could help it. Many nurseries acknowledge that this makes it hard for a child to settle and will not take a child for one day.

It sounds like this setting is not putting the needs of the children first. I think your idea of looking at other settings is a good one. I personally would prefer to put a child this age with a childminder rather than a nursery and you've acknowledged that you'd be happier with a childminder so I guess that would be a good next move.

TBH I think you answered your own question

I'd second many of the comments on here. My DS really struggled with 1 day a week when he was around that age. I fought it off for a while, but then thankfully trusted my judgement and took him out to a lovely childminder who he absolutely adored.

Since then, my friend bought me this book: www.amazon.co.uk/What-Every-Parent-Needs-Know/dp/1405320362/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1285269996&sr=8-1

and it is amazing what is says about the importance of having those one to one bonds, and the effects that nursery provision can have- I know it's just one view, but very interesting reading (and cites a load of evidence to back it up)

good luck with your decision- it's never an easy one....

DS2 went to nursery 1 day a week when I went back to work and it took him ages to settle becasue of it. I would never choose 1 day a week, it is not the best for a child. Most nurseries would be against it too.

have the nursery explained why going 1 day a week at 7 months will help you get a place when you need it? It sounds mad to me. i would have found it hard to do this with dd3 but felt fine leaving her at 13 months

have a fresh look at all the options dont be bullied into doing something that feels so wrong now.

Ladies, thank you so much for all your messages, I have now managed to find another place for 3 days, starting in january - phew! I am really happy with this place, it is homely and has experienced staff and they have a really thorough settling in process, so fingers crossed will all go to plan.

And you're quite right, the other place is very profit driven and I've since heard not great things about how they make you take 1 day for months and then have no place to offer you beyond that! thanks again

Really glad to hear you didn't decide to go down the 1 day a week option, it sounded awful.