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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Is it best to say bye?

19 replies

fee77 · 01/09/2005 15:53

DD had her first settling in session today. It started off well, but she got upset when she realised i wasn't there, so the nursery phoned for me to collect her. When i left i just sneaked out the door, i just wondered if it would be better to tell her i am going and i will be back soon. She has another session tomorrow. I know that it will take her a little while to settle in, but obviously want her to be happy!

OP posts:

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Springchicken · 01/09/2005 15:54

How old is she?

KBear · 01/09/2005 15:54

definitely say goodbye and tell her when you will be back.

AuntyQuated · 01/09/2005 15:54

how old is she?

WigWamBam · 01/09/2005 15:55

Tell her you're going, and that you will be back soon. She'll get used to the fact that you go but that you always come back soon enough.

snafu · 01/09/2005 15:55

I think it's best to do a really cheery 'Bye darling! Have a lovely time!' (or whatever) and make a speedy exit.

That's what I do when leaving ds with his childminder (3rd time today - it's hard isn't it?)

Aimsmum · 01/09/2005 15:56

Message withdrawn

hunkermunker · 01/09/2005 15:57

Always say goodbye. It makes for a clingier child if they don't know when you're likely to sneak off IMO.

vickitiredmum · 01/09/2005 15:57

What kind of settling in session is that? Sorry, but when my DD had her first settling in session , we were there with them for the first few hours. Next time we sat just outside and could watch on CCTV what was happening. Then took it from there. I cant believe they have rung you so quickly esp if the settling in session just involved you dropping her off first time round.
With my DD i never made an issue of goodbyes because they only really benefit the parent. If she didnt want kisses and cuddles i would just leave. But she started nursery part time at 7 months old so maybe its different for LO's.

snafu · 01/09/2005 15:58

Oh and deffo say that you'll be back later...

vickitiredmum · 01/09/2005 16:01

Then again my DD wasnt clingy to me ever so maybe the goodbye thing was never a big deal for me - she was always busy with her breakfast!

Mum2girls · 01/09/2005 16:03

I actually had to go for a while not saying bye to my dd around the age of 2 - it semed to trigger the crying whereas if I snuck out, she never noticed all day - although think I would start by saying bye.

Original poster

fee77 · 01/09/2005 16:09

She is 22 mths. We went together on friday for a couple of hours, then the idea was she had 2 hours on her own today. I think i will try saying bye tomorrow. I never thought it would be this hard!

OP posts:

scotlou · 01/09/2005 16:09

My kids' nursery always makes a thing about saying goodbye to mummy - waving from a special window etc. They make a game out of it too - which window will it be today? Can you see mummy's car etc? It worked particularly well with my ds as it was a distraction tool too - he took a while to settle at nursery and this helped.
You don't say how old your dd is but other things the nuresry did with ds were : letting him go for a walk with the babies (he was 2 when he went at first and was happiest outside), helping with little jobs - snack, helping take messages between rooms etc. These all helped to take his mind off the separation.
Never an issue with my dd - she marches in and never even looks back!

RachD · 01/09/2005 16:14

Fee77 - first day, oooh - how you coping ?
Some parents slip out.
I think most say a definite, 'going now, see you later, have a nice day' type sentence.
It is a trcky one, but you will soon know what technique works for your dd.

But they go in phases anyway, sometimes one style is o.k. then for two weeks its not.

This is only your first day - bound to be tricky.

vickitiredmum · 01/09/2005 16:17

Thats quite a bit older than mine was then Fee. Good idea at your nursery scotlou! I understand that LO's suddenly develop a clinginess at 2 years of age anyway. She'll get past it soon. Ask the nursery staff to help you with this with distraction at drop off time etc - thats what they are there for. Also, dont prolong the goodbye - from what i have seen with other parents and when my DD went through a clingy phase a couple of months back - the longer you string out the goodbye the worse it is for them. They will take as long or as little to calm down after you have gone however long the goodbye is IYSWIM.

Original poster

fee77 · 01/09/2005 16:17

Thanks for all your support! I am sure the nursery staff are used to mad mummies like me! I think i will be ok once i start work, as it will take my mind off her!
Is it too early for a glass of wine?

OP posts:

vickitiredmum · 01/09/2005 16:19

nope - have yourself a huge one to be getting on with - you've done well on the first day!

Original poster

fee77 · 02/09/2005 13:57

Well we have survived the second day! Before we went i kept saying "We're going to nursery today, you can play in the sand etc..." really bigging it up, and she was getting all excited, and i felt sick with worry! Then when we got there she started crying, so i started crying! I gave her a quick kiss and said "Bye, i will see you later, mummys just going to the shops!" then i ran! I phoned up after 30 mins and they said she was fine so i hit the shops - but it felt so weird to be on my own! I just rushed round, and didn't buy any clothes even though i had been looking forward to going in the changing rooms (sad i know!). I grabbed a quick coffee, then went to pick her up - i had to sit in the car for 20 mins i was that early! She had obviously been crying, but they assured me that she had been fine and played etc. I feel slightly better now, but she's not going again till next wednesday, so i will probably go through all this again!
God it is soooo hard being a mum!
Thanks for all your help and support!

OP posts:

vickitiredmum · 02/09/2005 17:11

Good on you! It does get easier as time passes!

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