11yr old DS terrified of being home alone - any tips?

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My 11yr old DS is terrified of being home alone. 18 months ago, I started leaving him home alone occasionally for 15/20 mins (max) at a time. He was ok with this and in the last 4 months or so I've wanted to leave him alone for a bit longer e.g. 1.5 hrs. However, he's become increasingly frightened to be home alone for any length of time. He's terrified of intruders.

Conversely, he's happy to be outside or e.g. take the bus, on his own.

I don't know what to do to help him overcome his fears of being home alone. We have a landline and he knows mine and my husband's phone numbers by heart so he is able to ring us easily when he is home.

Any suggestions?

What happened to make him terrified of intruders? Has he watched or read something he shouldn't?
He doesn't sound ready to be left alone if his reaction is that strong.

Why is he being left alone in the first place ?

Honestly, I wouldn’t push it. Leave it for a year or so more, he’s clearly not ready.

Why is he being left alone?? I have a mature 11yo and I wouldn’t even think of doing this.

Wait until he is older.

He’s not ready..
our house was burglarised when we went out. They smashed the rear patio doors and came in with big sticks. It was 3pm and luckily my son was with us, he was 14 at the time so it wasn’t unusual to leave him alone through the day sometimes. I had nightmares about what ifs for WEEKS

Look up Exposure therapy: create a ladder with him starting from the least anxiety provoking thing to the most and work your way up slow and steady. E.g. starting might be, alone at home for 30 minutes but you are just outside the door (with his knowledge). You do that over and over daily until he isn't fussed by it. Then move to the next step which might be 15 minutes alone whilst you walk around the block. Keep doing each step until it's boring for him. He cant be bored and scared at the same time. Reward each step with pocket money or whatever.

Also, can give him some tools to manage his anxiety like breathing exercises, push ups etc.

Make sure he has some sense of safety like has access to a phone and knows how to use emergency numbers, knows how to lock, has something to do whilst you are out.

If this doesn't work despite consistency, maybe he's too young, try again in 6 months.

Does he have other anxieties? My 11 year old has GAD so has many worries, and one of them is intruders. She is receiving CBT which I think is helpful. She is fine on her own as she texts us, and we're slowly building it up. Does you son have a mobile?

Probably better to be 11 than 17 in those circumstances though I’d say.

I agree, wait until he’s older.

However, tips include fully charged mobile phone with your contact details, neighbour's numbers etc,.

Is he going up to senior school? You’ll probably find him more independent once he starts.

DS is 13 in September, going into year 8 and it’s only in the last 6 months that he’s been happy to be left alone for that amount of time. I don’t think he wanted to be left alone for any amount of time at 11, I think it was only since he started secondary last September that we started at 15 mins, 30, 1 hour etc and the most he’s happy with now is 2 hours and then he literally sits in the same spot we left him, gaming and watching tv and gets himself a snack until we’re back.

You wouldn’t even think of leaving a secondary school age child alone in their own home? That is astonishing.

This
he’s clearly not ready for this and wouldn’t push it.
my oldest son is 14 and when he finishes school he tends to do clubs 2-3 nights so one of us collects and the other evenings if I’m not wfh or about he’ll go to my sisters sometimes hes not not that keen at 14 but today he’s gone on the bus with some friends as he’s building up to things.

Listen to him. He isn’t ready.

Why on earth not?? They have to be left alone at some point at I think 11 is perfectly reasonable?
OP I found with mine that sometimes after doing something, they suddenly have worries about it but with a bit of time and reassurance they settle again. They soon go from wanting to hang off your side to having to be be dragged out the house! They also start realising they are better off at home with all their own things and able to meet friends rather than off at holiday club etc, it happens naturally in my experience if they are given chance

I'm a grown woman and used struggle with the same worries, I'd worry someone would get in and i wouldn't know. Good security helps. A chain on the front door, leave the key in the back door so no one could get in, an alarm is massively helpful if you're arriving home to an empty house as you know no one has been in or the alarm would have gone off.

I'd try to get to the bottom of the fear as its a bit unusual to be so afraid at that age. He might have seen something online that gave him a reason to fear intruders, or heard rumours going round school or suchlike. He needs lots of reassurance and a very gradual build up to being home alone.

Your DS should not be left home alone aged 11 because he is terrified, why put him through that? He is not ready yet and older teens can be left alone only provided they feel comfortable, confident and know what to do in an emergency..

My DS would have hated being left at that age too. He’s 14 now and happy to be left for an afternoon/ evening. Not a whole day though. I don’t think your DS needs therapy, just let him mature for a couple of years before leaving him.