Unexpected pregnancy with older children and husband's illness, feeling very unsure

[ThisKindMauveCritic]

Some advice/stories/handholding needed. I am in my late 30s and have just found out I am pregnant. I don’t know how to feel. For context, DH and I have been together since we were teens - this will be our fourth child together. Eldest is in their second year of uni, youngest is only 9 and the baby of the family. Middle child works and is saving for a house.
All our other 3 children were planned, this pregnancy is a huge shock and surprise.
DH was give the news a few years back he has slow growing, uncurable cancer. (This is currently stable and being monitored every 6 months.) Another child was definitely not in the pipeline. We are self employed and growing the business has been our main focus. Im not even sure where that stands now or how we will make it work with a newborn. My hormones are so up the left I don’t know what to do or think. Sometimes I just want to cry ( and have been) other times I keep thinking I can do this as I have loved being a mum to my other 3 kids.
I have contemplated abortion now and again, although it’s something I thought I would never do and DH is very against. I just wish I wasn’t in this situation.

I don't really have any advice but I just wanted to offer a hand hold and bump your post. It sounds really tough but like you both would rather continue with this pregnancy really?

Be kind to yourself, your existing children and your poorly husband.
Giving birth is the most dangerous thing a woman can do, even in 2026. Not wanting to continue with a pregnancy can be the ultimate act of love towards your DC/yourself and future life.

Please don’t think your DH has veto powers over what you do with your body darling. Even though you say his cancer is stable and slow growing what would happen if things changed?
You’re already in a precarious position being self-employed: none of the safety nets that come with being an employee like sick pay and maternity leave etc. What would happen if you couldn’t work during your pregnancy and when postpartum?

My first 3 births were great and recovered well. The fourth DC’s labour ended up with birth injuries that were bloody horrific even though it was a quick ‘textbook’ delivery.

If you do decide to go ahead with your pregnancy then I’d highly recommend looking at everything you can do to minimise risks financially and for your family and your own health.

Wishing you the best @ThisKindMauveCritic 💐

Hi @ThisKindMauveCritic . You must be going through it trying to decide what's best.

When you say DH is against abortion, do you mean in theory or has he said that he doesn't want you to abort this pregnancy?

How's his day to day health?
How many weeks are you?

There'll be a way through this. 💐

Your DH does not get a say.
You have a lot on your plate and in your shoes, I would terminate.

Hi, thanks for all your replies. I am 5-6 weeks, so it is still early days. My husband's day to day health is ok - he gets tired easily but other than that he seems fine. He had brain surgery a few years ago to remove the majority of a slow growing tumour. A little bit couldn't be taken so it is being monitored. He hasn't needed chemo/radio yet thankfully.
In theory he wouldn't agree with abortion (we both come from pretty traditional families) and I'm not sure if it's something I could go through with.

I'm having lots of up and down moments and am frantically trying to think how we can reconfigure our business so as more days are spent at home.

Hi again @ThisKindMauveCritic, have you and DH discussed it yet? It's not clear.

If he doesn't agree with abortion, he should have got a vasectomy.

You have so much going on OP, I would hate to be in your position, but I would definitely terminate.
I think your husband should have had the procedure if he felt so strongly about this.

It's now your body, your future, your load to bear.
Your decision to make.
Wishing you well.

Hi, I didn't update the thread but I ended up having to have surgery last week as the pregnancy was ectopic. I'm just trying to rest now and come to terms with things as it's been a lot to deal with.

So sorry to hear that. I hope you're ok.

Oh gosh I’m sorry to hear that. You poor thing, that’s a lot of very full on emotions and difficult physically too

Thank you, it's been a rollercoaster of emotions - guilt, grief and relief. It all happened so fast I'm still processing it. I went for a scan last week due to spotting and the hospital admitted me for surgery that same day.