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Original poster

Feeling sad about not becoming a grandparent and adjusting expectations

32 replies

LouisaJ58 · 18/06/2026 07:25

I’ve just had a lovely catch up with an old friend today. She’s shared pictures of her four lovely grandchildren. As I’m never going to become a nan I felt this pang in my stomach. I always saw my life unfolding with grandchildren and whilst I’ve got two lovely adult children, I do feel rather sad they won’t be having any.
Is anyone going through this or gone through this or any words to help me stop feeling sorry for myself. Please be kind, thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
LouisaJ58 · 18/06/2026 22:13

WhereverIlaymycatthatsmyhome · 18/06/2026 07:50

I don’t think I have ever expected grandchildren, so it won’t be a big deal if I don’t get any.

DD is single and thirty. DS has a lovely DP but she has an inherited genetic illness so I am not sure they will have children. I don’t pry about it obviously.

Did you have a vision of yourself providing childcare? I guess you need to develop some interests that will distract you from your perceived loss?

Do you have any pets?

I certainly don’t wallow and have both interests and pets to keep me busy.

OP posts:
Original poster
LouisaJ58 · 18/06/2026 22:16

BettyJoanPerske · 18/06/2026 09:16

You musn't let your kids know that you feel upset about this. That is very important, if you do you will alienate them.

Of course not, I have an excellent relationship with both my children.

OP posts:
Original poster
LouisaJ58 · 18/06/2026 22:20

glitterpaperchain · 18/06/2026 08:32

I think some of the replies here are a bit harsh, of course you can't EXPECT grandchildren and of course it's up to your children to decide. But it's a perfectly normal thing to think it'll probably happen. So I can imagine might take a bit of adjusting if it becomes apparent that actually it probably won't happen. It's not up to you of course but it does change what your life will look like. And I'm sure you have plenty of hobbies and interests already! You can both have hobbies and feel sad to not become a grandmother.

I couldn’t agree more. It’s just having the space to say how I feel that I appreciate.

OP posts:
Original poster
LouisaJ58 · 18/06/2026 22:27

pbdr · 18/06/2026 10:50

Every time there is a thread where someone expressed sadness that they will not be a grandparent, there are always posters jumping in to tell them they are not owed grandchildren and their children are not obligated to have children just to make them happy, even though nobody has made any such suggestion.

I would LOVE to be a grandparent one day, and would feel sad if it never happened. I would never express that to my kids and would fully support them making whatever decision was right for them. Their happiness is always my number one priority. But I nonetheless would be a bit sad.

Yes, this is it. Thanks to you and the other posters who ‘get it’.

OP posts:
basoon · 18/06/2026 22:48

I adopted very late in life, and feel so lucky to have had a child. I can live without grandchildren.

BatshitIsTheOnlyExplanation · 18/06/2026 22:59

Based purely on numbers (3 DC) I would have expected to be a grandmother at done point. But DC1 has terrible mental health, is practically reclusive and unlikely to get into a real life relationship. DC3 is gay/queer/trans, children not a focus as well as physically unlikely. DC2 may, possibly, have children at some point but currently career focused and has a new mirena coil, so no babies in the next 5 years +

BatshitIsTheOnlyExplanation · 18/06/2026 23:00

basoon · 18/06/2026 22:48

I adopted very late in life, and feel so lucky to have had a child. I can live without grandchildren.

I love your view of life. You sound great.

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