How close are you to your colleagues ?

[PinkSettings]

I’ve recently started a new job. I left my last role due to bullying so find I now hold back with new people until I really get to know them. It’s a really friendly and outgoing team and they’ve made me feel really welcome. I can see they’re a close bunch.
Am I wise to be like this holding back or am I unreasonable?

I like my colleagues and get on well with them but I definitely hold back. They’re not my friends, they are people that I need to maintain a professional relationship with. I am relaxed and open and make jokes with them and build a good relationship but I am very aware of my own personal barriers.

Not at all. I'm nice and chatty and friendly at work, then I go home and that's it. I don't tell them anything except the basics. I'll say what I'm doing at the weekend etc but other than that nothing.

We get on well & I’m FB friends with some of them but I don’t imagine the relationships would continue if we stopped working together.

Some of the people I work with are friends, others are colleagues whose company I enjoy (and there are a few who are good to work with but whose company i dont enjoy quite as much!).

I think it's prudent to take your time getting to know people and let personal relationships develop organically. Friendship requires a different level of trust.

I’m very chatty when I see people, but the nature of our jobs mean that we are only together a few times a month - we all work remotely or in different locations.

This is the first job I’ve had where I would say, apart from one person, I don’t have friends at work. We wouldn’t meet up for nights out etc, and outside of work we have no contact with each other. Apart from the one, who I happen to have a mutual friend with so we occasionally do stuff together and get on really well, I have no personal phone numbers or SM.

Im quite happy, my best friends are previous colleagues and I don’t feel I need anymore friends!

My story is similar to yours @PinkSettings, I left my last place due to a bully so am quite happy to sit on the peripheral now…

I’ve made amazing lifelong friends in workplaces, one workplace in particular which has left me with a big group of friends. Others, not so much.

I don’t go to work to make friends, I have plenty of friends. That said, my current colleagues are great.

We get on well and have a laugh. But I don’t go in work nights out. They are lovely colleagues but half my age.

It is a good idea to take your time but over a long period you can develop what feels like a real closeness. Partly through seeing each other every day and hearing all the details of family etc. We tend to share a lot about our families and other friends as we know the two groups will rarely/never meet. So you feel
close. But actually if you left and the daily chat stopped the friendships may well not sustain. I have got a few long term friends from previous jobs but compared to the number I was friendly with at the time it isn't many. It came home to me at the wedding of a colleague, we had been kept up to date with all the details of the wedding planning and felt close, but seated with actual long term friends who had known her since childhood made me realise that actually I didn't know her that well at all. Which is fine but it was a bit of a reality check.

I am retired now but had 4 workplaces in total as an adult over a 36 year working life.

In the last 3 workplaces I made friendships that’s have spanned up to 38 years, been retired a few years now. I had to make new friends as relocated twice fully in my life first time arriving knowing no one, second DH and I were engaged.

Just keep it light but be friendly being able to read the room and knowing what kind of behaviour is acceptable is one of the best skills anyone can have. I have a load of friends that are devout Christians, I never swear round them.

I have some long-standing friendships that started at work - one I house-shared with and was a bridesmaid for. Others I got on well enough with that we're still in touch and meet up sometimes, a couple I went on holiday with at one point. Others I am not in touch with, and in certain cases, I have actively avoided it.

Current job, been there 18 months. I know some of them go to football matches together. We all get on quite well in the workplace (now - I joined a department with some bad divisions, mostly resolved by the main causes retiring.) But apart from couple of work socials, I don't contact any of them outside of work. So it can be very variable.

I'm still in touch by phone/Christmas card with someone my Dad worked with in the '70s-'80s, though. And another man who worked with him is my godfather and still alive. So Dad definitely had work friends.

Yes my parents had a lot of work friends, both worked for big organisations. We relocated when my parents were mid 30s and we were 10ish so too old for our parents to make friends through school etc and they both worked FT in any case. So their work was their main source of social life and now in their late 80s they still both have friends from those jobs (both stayed in them till retirement, that’s les likely now), some of them came to my wedding and they are my parents closest friends 50 or so years later.

My dad & his best friend met when they worked together in the 1970s, so a bit like yours, @ElegantDresses.

Likewise, I am grateful for supportive work colleagues.

This. It's work. We like each other and have good craic but I keep a small distance

I have always been friendly and "chatty" (eg surface chitchat) with colleagues. Happy to discuss holidays, hobbies or whats on TV. But I have never shared financial or deeply personal information with a work colleague. Having said that I would only discuss such matters with my most intimate friends.

A couple of my best friends are also my colleagues and the rest are just colleagues. We are a smallish team (about 25) but everyone gets on.

Yes nice when they nice however boundaries too. One started ring me every wend.. I want a break at wends. Says she lonely. But I dont want be chatting about work when we off

In my 20s I had really close friendships with people i worked with. Lots of nights out, even holidays together. Current job have been there for five years and though I really like everyone it would have to be a really special occasion for me to meet up with anyone after work and I keep much more of a professional boundary now (im late 40s).

Most of the good friends I've made in adulthood have been through work. I'm not so bothered about making friends at work nowadays (in my 50s), but I like a bit of camaraderie where that's possible. If you joined our team you'd get a genuine welcome. Your new colleagues sound lovely and genuine. Hope all goes well.

I met a few lovely people through jobs. We still meeting years later

Not at all, I'm civil whilst making a drink and that's it

Four of my closest friends started as work colleagues. We are a tight knit group even though a couple have moved on to other work places. One, in particular, I cannot imagine life or the work place without. Our friendship has lasted 18 years so far he has been with me through the best and worst times. Our jobs are quite stressful and it really helps to be able to lean on our colleagues and I've found close bonds do form quite frequently within our workplace.

I met my best friend at work 13 years ago. If you find yourself naturally forming friendships then go for it. Unfortunately where I work now is full of oddballs and I miss having friends at work.