Dreading summer holidays - 11yo not interested in making plans with friends

[Daffodillz]

My son is 11 and will be starting secondary school in August.

I am dreading the upcoming summer holidays because he has now outgrown the holiday club he always went to, and there is nothing here geared towards older kids that would occupy them for several hours a day. He's an only child and I want him to be with other children regularly over the holidays.

He goes to Scouts but it's largely off during the summer apart from one week-long camp. He also does a sport but it's only one hour a week. We'll probably go away as a family for the best part of two weeks but that still leaves four weeks in limbo. (7wks of holiday here!)

Husband and I work mainly from home, so technically son could spend all summer faffing about at home while we work. But he finds it insufferable and lonely if he can't be gaming or watching TV most of the time - I'm not willing to let him do that all day. He does love reading, Lego and drawing, but there's only so long he can enjoy doing everything alone.

All of his friends are spread out round our town, which means that in order to see them, it needs to be planned, at least to an extent.

I've suggested to him that we could get him a flip phone/"dumb phone" for keeping in touch with friends and making plans. But he doesn't really seem interested in using it for that purpose. Every time I raise the subject, he pretends to fall asleep with boredom?!

Is anyone else in a similar situation? Am I overestimating an 11-year-old's ability to make plans with friends? Do I still need to be contacting parents to arrange for kids to come over?? I feel like I shouldn't still have to orchestrate his social life outside of school, but maybe I'm wrong.

I do think it’s a hard age as they are just out of primary school and not used to the independence yet.

You will find that next summer will be easier parents are not really involved in the kids making plans once in secondary school ime.

Thank you, that makes me feel reassured!

I grew up on a street where loads of my pals lived, so I have no template for having to arrange to see friends in those preteen years. Though I did have sleepovers with friends further afield and I remember phoning them, so who knows.

It's good to know that their independence might be likely to grow considerably over the next year. I have definitely chatted to some other parents who say their kids became very different in that way after starting secondary.

I’ll be flamed for saying it but I also think boys are different to girls. DS could never see the point in just meeting up with friends it worked much better when they had an activity to do. The downside to that is they cost money, but depending on what he is into DS always enjoyed the driving range and a bucket of 100 balls, swimming, taking bikes down to the bike track, football or table tennis over the park.

he also used to chat to his friends whilst on the Xbox. I counted this as socialising so headsets on and talking to others whilst he played bizarrely to me they didn’t necessarily play the same games but did talk whilst playing.

To be honest at 11 I would still be facilitating the plans, especially if the alternative was him home alone gaming all summer.

I agree that boys can be quite different to girls when it comes to socialising outside of school.

My nieces would regularly meet up with their friends to shop etc and they were proactive about wanting to see their friends.

My nephew when he was this age only saw his friends at clubs or birthdays where a specific activity was organised.

He would chat with them online but they would rarely organise meeting up themselves.

When he got old enough to go to the gym by himself this became the primary way he saw his friends, plus football. And once he was old enough to go the pub he had no issues making plans!!

Also, be clear from the start what screen time limits there are, per day and per week. I would suggest a per day limit, and also some screen free days. You can sit down with a a pad of paper and ask him to do a timetable and see if that prompts something.
Best wishes!

Mine is also 11, no phone and I have to do the arranging of meet ups because of that. He does want to see his friends but of course not at are around over the hols. I think this summer we are away for two weeks.

Hell do a tennis camp one week which is mornings. He’s outgrown other clubs but might do a three day surf camp kind of thing. Other than that he either wants a mate over or to meet them to play football. Sometimes they meet at the pool or to play pickleball. To stop him totally slobbing around on days with nothing on I thought of setting him some challenges related to stuff he struggles with a bit like cooking eg bake a banana bread without help from us. I need to think some more. He’s made noises about potentially writing a children’s guide to football so I’ll encourage that!