DNs placed with us, not sure whats happening next

[NoideaFinch]

Apologies if this is the wrong place I decided to put it in 90 days only so it will disappear after a bit. I'm worried I might say something identifying so I'm trying to be vague about the details.

On Wednesday we got a call saying my 5 DNs needed a place to stay. My sister and her BF have been arrested and our parents can't take all of the kids. My parents think it will blow over soon and she will be out. But I've looked up what shes been arrested for and that plus her current record could mean that shes in for 5 years minimum.

DP and I said yes so they brought them to us. But since then we haven't had much information about what happens next. I tried to call someone on Thursday but the kids are from two different Uk countries and they just kept passing me back and forth between the two. Since then it's been the bank holiday weekend, so nothing else has happened.

The eldest in particular wants to go back and live with my parents. My mum would like this and is encouraging her. But when they dropped them off they were pretty clear that all the kids need to stay here till they have examined everything.
So far DN1 hasn't tried to leave but they keep threatening to and realistically they are taller and stronger than me so I won't be able to stop them.

The other kids are doing ok but we are all struggling with this. We don't have a lot of space so DN1 has their own room but DN2 and 3 and sharing and DN4 and 5 are currently in with us so noone is getting much space or peace.
We've had to spend a lot of money already because they didn't come with much stuff and we had to sort out a load of easter things for them. I don't necessarily mind this but its a huge jump in cost both as a one off and day to day if this is going to be long term.

I'm not sure whats happening next and I'm planning on calling and emailing up a storm tomorrow to try and get more answers but I am hoping someone on here might help give me an idea of what will happen next or any tips on settling the kids in.

This sounds a lot. I think I would let the older one go to your parents if they are happier there and it will cause less stress.

There is a Fostering board that might help.
Also look up 'kinship care' as that is what you are doing.
Ss will leave you to do everything if you let them, so push hard for the support you need, including parental type permissions.
Agree letting eldest go to the GPs at least part time sounds sensible because, 5!!!
Good luck.

If money is tight, which I imagine it is, can you apply to get their Child Benefit? I don’t have experience of Kinship Care but I think it’s important to try and keep them all with you if you can, at least until you’ve had a chat with the ads about DN1 going to line with your DM.

If SS say that DN1 can go to my parents I will let her go. I don't necessarily think they will do a great job of looking after her but she doesn't want to be here and I can't force her to stay when she hates it so much

Ah thank you I didn't realise there was a fostering board I will have a look there too

as an ex foster carer of many years cynically believe that SS will just let you get on with it unless you really push them for help.

Really push SS. Make very clear to them that without kinship you won’t be stepping in.

we were promised all sorts when we took in DN and exactly none of it has materialised. From a support group I’m in that’s not remotely uncommon.

placing 5 kids will be incredibly difficult for them so push for the help you deserve to get

Five kiddies!

Do you have kids too op?

Would you be happy to potentially have them for the next 5 years if that's what their mum is potentially looking at?

I agree with others if eldest is happy to stay with grandparents and they are happy to have her I'd let that be the case.

Push very very hard for help and support from SS. Financial, practical and emotional. Also reach out to other foster carers and especially kinship carers online.

The local authority will likely want you to have Special Guardianship Orders for the children which makes you a kinship/connected person foster carer. DO NOT DO THIS UNTIL THEY AGREE TO START THE FINANCIAL ASSESSMENT. You are entitled to what a foster carer would receive. Have a look at the SGO support link. It's very helpful on the assessment process, funding, and access to support. If the children need it you'll have to push for continued support from children's services or they'll just leave you to get on with it. Good luck.
https://sgosupport.co.uk/

Honestly I would tell SS you can’t keep them as a way to force their hand and get support. You need everything in writing with a timeline etc.

We don't have kids yet. If we keep the DNs it will change our family plans as well. To be honest im more worried about this aspect than DP who says it will all work out but thats our relationship all the time. Im definitely the worrier

If the eldest leaves it will help a bit DN2 could then be in the room by themselves 3 and 4 can share and 5 will be in with us till they are older anyway. Our house has space to expand into the attic but we weren't planning to do it for a few years and with the kids staying with us we won't be able to save as planned.

Sounds like I'm going to have to really push tomorrow. To be honest we haven't been promised much they just keep passing it between where the kids are from and where we live so we don't know who will be providing what

We did a “friends and family” placement for my son’s best friend when he was a teen. I’m not sure if it still has the same name.

Anyway, he was dropped off one evening after two hours notice and then nobody contacted us for almost two weeks, it was shocking! so make a nuisance of yourself. You need to insist they help you financially too.

Longterm it does not sound feasible for you to have all 5, they need more space. I’d ask for a face to face meeting with your parents there too and see if you can split them if you’re willing to look at longterm.

OP, this is such a massive deal. As everyone says, you really have to be a pain to social services to get taken notice of.

Kinship is the national charity for kinship carers, and they have an advice service. Might be worth contacting them tomorrow. kinship.org.uk/support-and-advice/

Kinship care assessments
https://corambaaf.org.uk/practice-areas/kinship-care

Family Rights Group helpline
https://frg.org.uk/get-help-and-advice/

Thank you for all your advice. It's been a tough few days for all of us.

SS have been difficult and I thank you all for encouraging me to be a pain and stand my ground because its taken a while to get them to listen to me. I understand they are busy and work with so many families but the DNs are my priority and we need to know whats happening with living here and sorting out the practicalities of schools etc.

We have had some more clarity on DN1 going to live with my mum. SS are going to see my mum hopefully soon and if everything is fine they will let her stay there so thats something.

Weve had some news from about my sister via my parents and she is in more trouble than was originally told to me so I think this is looking more like a long term thing.

Taking on 5 or even 4 kids is a big deal and this must be a huge shock to all concerned. You will need to push ss for support rather than allow them to minimise it under kinship care. How well do you know the children, what ages are they and can they attend their schools, see friends, do activities as usual? Could your mum take in more than the eldest?

Half you’ve got a bit more clarity over DN1. Is your DSis in remand then @NoideaFinch?

Be very clear with social care that as the children are with you as an alternative to them going into care, this is a care placement which they are responsible for supporting both financially and practically. There’s explicit case law on this which they may try to conveniently forget.

There should be a multi agency meeting where everyone involved, including the children if thought appropriate, should have their say. This should include schools, social care, any medical professionals etc. You must push for financial support. Separately you do need to consider whether this in something you can actually do, it would cost social care extraordinary amounts to place the children in care so if you do decide to look after them then you need to push for financial support. Your life has been upended and you and DH need to carefully consider your next steps. Well done for stepping in though, if you can make it work it will be better for the children.

Lots of things are going on with the DNs at the moment, and lots of things to sort they will have very different lives here for lots of reasons. But we are trying to keep what we can the same. They will need schools/ nurseries local to us.

My mum will only take the eldest and isn't interested in the other kids obv there is a lot of backstory to that but thats a whole other story

Yes my sister is now on remand

It must be serious if she’s on Remand. This is such a lot for you to go through. Is there no way they can stay at their present schools? I’m guessing it’s too far?

When you have their school places sorted, do ask if they can help with Uniform. DS had a few looked after DC join his class in Primary over the years and there was always some Uniform going spare. Might save you a fair bit of money