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Dreading 13-month-old starting nursery due to separation anxiety, any advice?

5 replies

separationanxxiety · 25/03/2026 20:29

My third son is due to start nursery next month, when he will be 13 months old. I suppose the thread title is a spoiler, but I’m absolutely dreading it, and wondering if I need to do something drastic (I’m not sure what - ideas welcome)!

My older boys both started nursery at the same age, four days a week, as is the plan with current baby. I was very sad about it, but they were both pretty much fine and did well there (eldest is now in reception and middle is still happy at nursery a couple of days a week, and will be increasing back to four days when I’m back at work).

Youngest boy is, at least so far, a totally different character to his big brothers. He seems a bit more cautious and has a very strong case of separation anxiety. I hate to use the word “clingy” to describe a baby doing normal baby things, but he has a strong preference for me. Dad and Grandmas are also OK in some situations, but if he’s really fed up or tired or hungry - only I will do.

Because of this, I feel like nursery is going to be a disaster. I can’t see how he will settle and the thought of it is really troubling me. I feel like I’m going to traumatise him and ruin our bond. But I don’t know what to do! It’s too late to hand in my notice at work or to find a nanny.

Not sure what I’m hoping for here. Perhaps suggestions for how we navigate this without it causing harm?

OP posts:
PollyBell · 26/03/2026 04:39

In your situation I woudl think how do all the other children cope? when my child first went I figured they were no more special than any other child there and they managed ok so why would mine be any different so they went

I think parents suffer more with seperation anxiety than children

separationanxxiety · 26/03/2026 13:39

PollyBell · 26/03/2026 04:39

In your situation I woudl think how do all the other children cope? when my child first went I figured they were no more special than any other child there and they managed ok so why would mine be any different so they went

I think parents suffer more with seperation anxiety than children

Yes, I suppose this is true! I just have a feeling that this one is going to struggle with it so much more than his brothers.

OP posts:
youalright · 26/03/2026 13:42

Sounds like it will do him the world of good.

NuffSaidSam · 26/03/2026 13:44

If a nanny is a possibility financially I wouldn't let lack of time stop you. If he's a sensitive sort of character he almost certainly would be happier being looked after at home.

That said, he'll also be fine at nursery. Sometimes the best we can do as parents is 'fine'. It's just the way it is.

RS1987 · 26/03/2026 13:44

It’ll help the separation anxiety and mean you don’t have to go through it when they’re starting school. Just keep your face and voice positive - if you have any negative feelings don’t show it

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