If you have other children did you wait for 12 week scan to tell them?

[unsureforevermore]

I am almost 10 weeks - I have a 8 and 5 year old I have had my midwife app today and another 3 weeks for scan to wait. I am not sure how much longer I can keep this quiet! None of my family know as I don’t want them to slip up and tell the kiddies - it’s my little girls birthday on Friday and I feel like it would be nice to just tell them.

I feel like if something happened now they would be very aware something was wrong but I don’t know !

any advice? I am struggling with tiredness and sickness so might help to tell family ? Pregnancy

I had similar age children and waited for NIPT results. I don’t think pregnancy loss is something young children really need to try and understand so didn’t want to risk it. Plus I know my children wouldn’t haven’t kept it quiet so waited to tell them until we were ready for everyone to know (but told them first).

I'm not sure if this is what you mean, but I absolutely wouldn't tell them at the birthday. Your children might not be thrilled at the news, and it will definitely take away from your daughter's day.
Personally I wouldn't say until after twenty weeks as otherwise it's a very long wait for the baby plus things could go wrong, but if you need to tell them earlier I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

I waited until around 16 weeks, after my amnio results.

i have had multiple miscarriages and strenuously managed them with as little impact on my other child as I possibly could.

It’s a shit show trying to get myself through it when it happens, don’t think I could have got my young child through it along side that trauma, and it is traumatic. Make no mistake.
So I didn’t think it was fair to drag them into a potentially unnecessary sad & painful situation. Not for the sake of waiting a few weeks.
I had a loss at 13 weeks.

Just saying, it’s a possibility, but there’s every chance, all will be well for you x

I have 6 dc, I have waited til nearly 20 weeks with some of my pregnancies, before sharing with my dc or family.

Whatever you feel comfortable with ultimately.

Yes, I waited until the scan.

Please don't announce it on another child's birthday, what a way to over shadow them.

I'd wait. As soon as the kids know, everyone will know and 30 weeks is a very long time for them.

its not going to overshadow her day she is desperate for a sibling so I thought it would be nice to tell her it won’t take away anything from her special day. Gosh I am not sure how people keep it quiet for so long! My family will start suspecting soon

You can’t tell your child on their birthday!! It’s THEIR day not yours. Very selfish. Just wait until the 12 week scan. The risk is less after 12 weeks and in the event of having to explain a loss to the children would be harder. Just wait. This really seems to be all about you. They kids may be happy but you need to accept that it changes their life (the middle child is no longer the youngest and you’ll have less time for them).

We told ours at about 16 weeks. Lost baby at 21 weeks. It was awful. For many reasons. Luckily DD was still only 4, so we could tell her in an age appropriate way and she seems to be unscathed (now 11).

In the old days it was never ‘announced’ to children. It just sort of happened. I’m not sure that’s any better really though!

Please wait until after the scan.

It might be tough for you to wait, but it would be better for them, I think.

18 weeks, they were 3 and 6.

I told my DC when he was just turned 2 and I was 8 weeks pregnant and extremely sick. It was because I just could not get him to stop climbing on my tummy.

No way would I tell an 8 and 5 year old that early though as they would have more understanding if things then went wrong.

Agree with PP. No matter how much your DD wants another sibling, don't tell her on her birthday. Your baby isn't a present for her. Yes it's good news (hopefully) but don't link it to her birthday. Also it could make the other DC feel really left out.

I’m well aware it’s their day and I know full well the reaction my children will have. It’s not about me at all I know how happy my dear daughter will be, not selfish. I don’t want to tell her so that it makes the day all about me that’s ridiculous

I waited as long as I possibly could, which was well after the scan. It’s such a long time for them to wait. That was my reasoning rather than worrying about losing the baby.

Saying that if something happened now, they would know something is wrong is just an excuse to tell them! There is a massive difference between being told that you are getting a baby brother or sister and then later being told that sadly you are not anymore and being told just the end result that mammy was going to have a baby but sadly she isn’t anymore.

I get what you mean about the other child though because it’s not his birthday, I’ll wait x

I didn't tell anyone except my husband until 14 weeks.
The chance of miscarriage drops after that.

Extra tests are often completed, which siblings could find hard to comprehend if the baby were to have grave problems etc..

Children will hardly ever keep the delightful news to themselves so only tell when you're ready for every man and his dog to know.

Did you wait to tell family also or did you just ask them not to saying anything to the children?

I waited to tell family too. Keep it quiet!

With my third I waited until it suited me. I never had a bump (thanks to HG and position), some I waited until 34 weeks! Even close family weren't told until 24.

Think we told DS (aged 4) when I was around 16/18 weeks and started showing

When he was 2 I’d had a MMC at almost 13 weeks, that was bloody horrendous to deal with so preferred just to keep it to ourselves

It’s a very personal decision

I told my Mam and my sister straight away. I completely trust both of them. And I know that both of them would agree with what I thought and why I was doing it.

In fact, my sister didn’t tell my nephew that she was having another baby till she was five months and really showing. He was two and he just didn’t notice she was getting bigger and bigger. That wouldn’t work for an eight year old though!

As 5 minutes is an unbearable wait for children, we waited until there was a noticeable bump.

My story isn’t a very nice one, we told DS1 when he was 8 at about 8/9 weeks, took him along to the scan to find I’m had a missed miscarriage 😢. That was really tough, and when we tried again a few months later, we decided to keep quiet this time. Which turned out to be a good thing as I’m had a MMC again.

Just to say a friend took their 4 year old to the 12 week scan and sadly the pregnancy was no longer viable. I’d definitely wait.
I did get outed with my third though as my bump started showing at 11 weeks.

Not until I was getting large, around 30 weeks but she was little