If you have other children did you wait for 12 week scan to tell them?

[unsureforevermore]

I am almost 10 weeks - I have a 8 and 5 year old I have had my midwife app today and another 3 weeks for scan to wait. I am not sure how much longer I can keep this quiet! None of my family know as I don’t want them to slip up and tell the kiddies - it’s my little girls birthday on Friday and I feel like it would be nice to just tell them.

I feel like if something happened now they would be very aware something was wrong but I don’t know !

any advice? I am struggling with tiredness and sickness so might help to tell family ? Pregnancy

I was over 20 weeks and ds was 5 at the time. They were frankly quite disinterested and wandered off to play Lego iirc.

I told DD and my family at around 5 weeks. If I had had a miscarriage I would have told my family that, so no reason not to tell them I was pregnant. I was happy to explain to DD in an age appropriate way if needed. I was pretty sick and I'd prefer DD to know why, than to worry it was something else.

I'd just tell your family when is right for you.

I waited until 20 weeks to tell anyone other than DH as our 2 DC were nearly teenagers & i couldn't cope with telling them & then something bad happening. We had a private scan at 20 weeks to check for abnormalities & when that was fine we told them.

I also had HG so it was awful not being able to tell family or work but I managed it as it was too important to us to be sure everything was fine before telling DC first about the baby.

Jesus OP, please don’t make the next 9 months of your kids’s life all about you being pregnant. And as for telling a 5 year old on their birthday. Blimey. This thread is narcissism at its best

I was furious when my brother told his children when I was 10 weeks. I’m an older mother and was fully expecting complications ( which happened) and possibly test results I wouldn’t have wanted. It was a lot of extra pressure . I have also witnessed the aftermath of a friend having to explain a miscarriage to her child who told all his school friends that his brother had died. It was horrendous. I would wait until after 20 week scan.

I too would wait until your anomaly scan at 20 weeks. It’s really not that long to wait

Going against the norm here- but I have four children and haven’t waited til after a scan to let people know, including my children. I have always been honest about the risks of a pregnancy ending and would have been honest in an age appropriate way had I had a mc. My family would have been supporting me through the loss so were told early on too. Close family. Other people outwith the family would know after the scan.
You know your family and kids best @unsureforevermore so do what you feel is right.

I told my 8&5 year olds when I was around 10 weeks pregnant. We had planned to keep it quiet until after the 12 week scan, but we had told a few friends and Grandparents. Friends kept forgetting we hadn’t told the kids and they mentioned it a few times when they were in the same room etc, so we got those ‘big Sister’ T shirts and told them.

I think I wrote a similar post to yours on here and was told not to tell them until the scan, which I guess is sensible really but fortunately it all panned out ok and we now have a 3 month old.

I can only imagine how excited your Daughter would be & I don’t think it matters that you would announce it on her Birthday. I can see a lot of people saying it’s her day etc, but it sounds like it would make her day more magical.

Having said all that, I guess it would be hard if there is something wrong at the 12 week scan. Basically, I have no advice but can tell it would be a magical presebt for your Daughter on her Birthday.

Thank you so much for this!
this is exactly my thoughts

I don’t want them finding out from family I want to share it with them first.

The kids should be first to know, so hide it from family for now. It's really not that hard.

I don’t see how it’s making it all about me people love to throw the narc word round constantly if it was all about me I’d have told them straight away so that I didn’t feel as guilty having to manage the first trimester with two kiddies.

You say it’s not that hard but it is, especially when I’m the sort of person to have a glass of wine at birthdays and I am already showing and I don’t normally wear baggy clothing and I also feel as sick as a dog and can’t rely on family for support so it is hard.

Definitely not for her birthday. That could spectacularly misfire. I would wait until 16 weeks.

They may really want a sibling but it still collection her day

I waited to tell mine until after I was 20 weeks and had had a problem free anomaly scan.

I still had to un-tell them because the babies didn’t make it. Nor were they officially born, so they never officially became big siblings, there were zero resources to help them or explain, zero leeway given to their grief or mine, no funeral or service, no memories made, and of course no maternity leave or recovery period for any of us to adjust. Was rubbish for everyone.

I would have waited longer but they were older and very aware. I did eventually give them a doted on younger sibling.

As long as you don’t say ’you are definitely going to have a sibling’ I think you could tell them. If you say there is a foetus in your tummy and if we are all lucky it could grow into a baby or something like that. It’s good for children to understand in an age appropriate way that not all pregnancies result in a baby. As for the birthday, I’m sure you can find a moment on the day where nothing much is happening -- it’s not 24 hour presents and cake, after all.

That"s really mean to spring this on a birthday.

Have other people suggested your behaviour might be narcissistic then OP?

I say this as gently as possible but I’ve been pregnant 4 times and only once has the 12 week scan been a happy outcome. I’m sorry I just don’t think it’s worth the risk for such a short space of time (even if it feels like forever!)

No just people on here

Fake drinking a glass of wine, shove a hoody/jumper/scarf on. If people ask, I'd hope to fuck they wouldn't ask in front of kids and you can deny or tell as appropriate.

Yeah that’s true people don’t tend to ask do they! Good point

I think it’s quite easy to drink fake alcohol these days. Are just say you had one too many glasses of wine last night and feel a bit sick. If you’re usually the one to have a drink or two at events nobody will probably bat an eyelid at that white lie.

We waited until 20 weeks with my first to tell my partner's daughter, because she was old enough to understand (6) and it was a big upheaval to her life as an only child. We wanted to be able to give her as much detail as possible so we waited until we knew the baby was well and what sex it was. It was also during the early days lockdown so we didn't know what would happen or if the baby or I would survive. With my second, I think we told the kids straight away even before 12 weeks because I was so sick with my first (less so with my second) that we knew we couldn't hide it. I was as big as a house early on as well so there would be no keeping it from them if we wanted to. My oldest was only something like 20 months old when I got pregnant so we figured telling him was neither here nor there in terms of him understanding it and it would give him time to adjust if the pregnancy progressed well (which it did).

20 weeks, I was 41, so after the amniocentesis.