I’m pleased she’s finally left home..

[AppleWithCheese]

My adult DD (25) has now moved in with her partner. I’m relieved and secretly quite pleased. I know some mums really don’t feel like this and it does make me feel a bit guilty but then I’ll not be sharing this with people I know in my RL.

Does anyone else feel this way?

Mine is only 14 so can't say yet but l know my mum felt like this!
Feel no guilt op!

Same as previous poster, my mum was over the moon when I moved to uni! We get on fine now

I'm quite looking forward to mine going (imminent, I think). All her mess and clutter, all the late night comings and goings, Love her to bits but never imagined she'd be back for so long after living away for 4 years at uni. She needs to get on with her life again.

You should be celebrating because living at home in your 20s sucks. Don’t feel guilty, my parents always made it very clear they didn’t want me and my brother at home in ours 20s and I do get it.

I don’t feel this way OP, but my little girl is 6 months old so it’s probably a good job 😅

Mine are little. But yeah, I get it 😂
Nah it’s not unusual to feel that way.
If you put out an ad in a newspaper for a roommate (is that even a thing anymore? Some kind of website now I guess??) any random person could end up moving in. Do you have to get along with that person? Even if it’s a friend, is there any guarantee you would be able to live together despite being good friends? No, of course not.
Yes, she’s your blood but she’s an independent adult now living her own life. You don’t have to be compatible roommates.
My sister is my blood and we grew up in the same household. We get along great but could I live with her now? Absolutely not!

You’ll probably find your relationship improves with space and in time you might get pangs of “I miss her”… until you remember again why, actually, things are better this way,

Totally normal.

Yes I feel like this. We get on fine but I want her to go and make her way in the world and not have the ‘hotel’ experience she’s used to.

she just doesn’t see the mess. I know I should just leave it but then her room smells… I’ve gone round in circles with it and I’m just tired now.

When they were teens I was very ready. Then we had a lovely period 18+ and i couldn’t imagine wanting them to leave but when they got to their early twenties I recognised they were ready. So I was fine when it happened

18 it would seem a bit mean
25 hell no!

I’m certain I’ll be glad to see the back of DD by that age. I think I’d probably pay her to leave by then.

I’m very glad she’s planning to go off to uni this year and I can have a clean bathroom with no mascara on the sink or wet towels on the floor and I won’t miss her eating all the store cupboard supplies and not cleaning up the kitchen either!

So she’s financially independent and building a life with a partner she loves? That’s a great thing, why wouldnt you be pleased?

Being happy your DD is a fully functional adult isn’t a bad thing!

Of course you should be pleased, because it's what's supposed to happen. You want your child to thrive and live a happy life - and that means having their own home, not squatting at their parents' place. Speak to any parent of a child with severe disabilities, who will never be able to live independently, and you'll understand how difficult the alternative must be.

Yep. There are but two things to give a child.
One is roots and the other is wings
All my 3 have left home and returned at some time. Breakups, COVID, finishing uni. So when they eventually left I was over it. The week after the third left I had a fully redecorated craft room!
But .. I was devastated when my youngest left home a week after turning 17 to join the forces. Coincided with the menopause hitting me like a ton of bricks.

Aww..I can understand this. Hope all is well now, the menopause can be so hard.

With all due respect that’s a totally different situation.

My son is 20 & a lovely lad but I do sometimes wish he would spread his wings. He didn’t go down the uni route- is doing an engineering apprenticeship which is a good route career wise. It wouldn’t make sense financially for him to move out now while he has two years left of his apprenticeship, but the smell, mess, clutter etc… it would be nice to not have that.

I think in a way I have this idea that if he moved out it would be nice to have actual dedicated contact time- visits, phone call etc. We don’t do anything together & he’s hardly ever in so I don’t feel we gain anything relationship wise by having him here.

@Hallywally I can relate so much to your response, especially the last line. Thanks for posting.

My DD2 is in her 30’s and still lives with me, and we love our life together, we share everything and are super close.

I’m happy for her to stay forever if that’s how things work out.

I’ve already told my three that I’ll be expecting them to move out by the age of about 25. My house is their home but I want it back to be just for me and my husband once they’re adults. I remember an adult family friend saying to me aged 18 ‘your mum will cry when you go away to university’ and I replied ‘no she won’t.’ And she didn’t. We get on very well. She was a great mum to me as a child and an adult, but she and I both think it’s normal and in fact best to have your own space once you’re an adult.

I agree. Whilst we love each other to bits we both know we need space too.

I completely understand. By the time my youngest moved out, aged 28, I was very ready to have my house to myself.

I left home at 19.

I think it’s completely normal. It’s not healthy at all to be living with parents throughout your 20’s. Enjoy your new found peace.

I was glad for my children to move out and get their own homes. I brought them up to set them free, and I was happy they were able to do that.

He’s only 20!

I did but now I don’t.