Jealousy

[Lisa2345]

Hi I’m new here i currently have a 7mth old son his dad has 2 older girls one 10 and one very nearly 18 nowwww she’s my concern before my son was born she made a number of comments like wish I was still the only child or I hate having siblings etc she began to steel money and belongings off my other kids which in the end me and her dad confronted her and she admitted it all and caused a huge family feud so I banned her from my house for 6mths until she realised what she was doing was wrong and she apologised its now been around 8weeks since she told me she was sorry etc and we allowed her back in to our home so she could spend time with her siblings well Friday night (she only come one night a fortnight) she came in the house had some food and wanted to go out with her friends which her dad allowed! 5pm she entered the property by 5:30pm she was out with “friends” her dad can’t see a problem with her going out when she has her siblings to see and bond with baring in mind she hasn’t saw them for 6mths she picked a argument with the 10yo the 10yo then got the blame for it the 18yo didn’t have any contact with the baby then on Saturday morning she gets out of bed (like my family home is a hotel) has food back bed gets up no personal hygiene sits in the garden ignoring her siblings eating drinking what ever she likes so I told her to leave and I don’t want her around my son when she’s self harming and has zero interest in him! So her dad has now ended our relationship because I’m “childish” and didn’t let her do what she wants! She’s a compulsive liar steels smokes weed drinks vodka but I’m childish for not allowing my son to around her! Am i actually stupid for safeguarding my baby?

She's almost 18yrs old – why would she have any interest in spending time with a 10yr old and a baby and not out with her friends? That's completely normal behaviour for a teenager.

Your house may be your family home, but she is your partner's (or now ex partner?) daughter – she is his child, it's his home too, so she is part of the family. The way she spent her Saturday sounds unremarkable.

You only briefly mention self harming – you need to elaborate on that for it to be of any consequence. If she is self harming then she needs support.

I assume the drinking and smoking weed also occurs when she's out with her friends? What exactly requires 'safeguarding'? Is she smoking weed and drinking around your baby? You punished her for the stealing and she apologised, so you need to let it go unless it happens again.

Does she have a job? Is she in education?

Agree with @Didimum both about the average 18 year old having zero interest in communing with a ten year old and a baby and also the self-harming thing needing attention -- is she self-harming regularly?

We have tried our hardest to get all help regarding self harm she refuses she even turned down help from the mental health team and says she likes it cuz it gives her attention and wants to have her dad to her self that why she makes comments to her little sister saying wish I was an only child I hate having siblings etc no she’s not employed or in college uni ect again she refuses and said it’s boring she got kicked out of school at 14yrs old she also said she misses her siblings crying on the phone to her dad when she’s not with them but when she’s got every opportunity to be with them she don’t want to know and as for the weed and alcohol she’s came back stoned and drunk turning the cooker on trying to cook when we are in bed etc we then told her it’s not safe to cook when ur stoned and drunk and falling sleep in the down stairs toilet she’s self diagnosed having bipolar adha depression anxiety anemia anorexia u name it she’s got it in her eyes she’s attempted to self harm in the shared bathroom and my 5yo came down stairs and asked us why a sharp thing is on the floor (razor blade) we confronted the 18yo and she laughed and said ohhh well no one got hurt what if that’s the baby what is crawling picks one up one day what if he finds one and swallows it etc 😭😭😭😭😭 so yes if she’s ringing one of us begging to see her siblings why is she even saying hello or spending time with them for a few hrs that she’s begged for? Again she’s been questioned why beg to see them if you don’t have contact with them her reply is I can’t stand kids or babies 🤯 she caused a disagreement between my self and her dad 2weeks ago and sat there like a Cheshire Cat loved every bit of it which she admitted when her dad asked her I really don’t know what to do any more 😭

ohh forgot to mention she’s also broke our babies toys! And she threw away her sisters make up after stamping on it (it’s only cheap kiddy stuff (not the point) again her dad was frustrated and asked her why her reply was so they can’t have it 🤯🤯🤯

I really feel for you. She sounds like a spoiled brat. You have tried to include her in your home and family and she has responded in a totally unacceptable way.
So she's nearly 18 and wants to spend time with her friends? Of course she does.
But she's not living in her own little bubble, she's in the real world. Spending a bit of her precious time with you won't damage her social life, and nor will showing basic good manners.
It's easy for me to say, but honestly, I think you're better off without her in your home at all.
Good luck.

Yes she’s alls included given just as much love as the rest of the kids she gets what she wants especially off her dad at one stage she was living with us because she caused sooo much hassle at her mums house along with her brothers her mum was forced to leave the property she was with us for just over a year then went back to her mums new house because she couldn’t cope with rules of the home boundaries and chores the thing is she often says she regrets going back to her mum then tells us she hates us all etc but in her dads eyes she the golden girl and I’m wrong because I tell her how the real world is and straight to the point I don’t beat around the bush with her but her dad does he treats her like she’s 2yrs old I have yet again banned her from my house because it’s not fair for any of us to be put at risk with her behaviour so her dad ended our relationship because I won’t jump at her beck and call so basically all thanks to a soon to be 18yr old her baby brother is now in a broken home 😭😭

Is your keypad bereft of the full stop and comma buttons, and the ability to form an uppercase letter?

🤣 bless ya someone like you needs to remove them selfs trying to be a keyboard worrier against someone who’s dyslexic considering other people can read what I’ve put without an issue and made a comment back goes to show you are discriminating!! see ya 💋