Afternoon, I am quite new to this, so bear with me. It’s also a long one.
I work with a man that I became friends with eighteen months ago, he is in a relationship, live together and been with each other three or four years. A short time later we do chat and there is some harmless flirting, it’s mainly just friendly, he admits he likes me but knows he’s in a relationship. I said nothing would ever happen as I would not do that. Anyway we continue as friends, same taking the mick and flirting and he messages a lot. Never meet up outside work or anything like that.
About a year later this messaging from him ramps up quite a lot it’s still friendly etc but he seems to want to get to know me more and suggests meeting up outside of work, before that happens a work colleague who is close to both of us, Works out that we both like each other as apparently it’s obvious although we don’t speak at work and kind of avoid each other. She plays a bit of Cupid and she tells him it’s so obvious that you like her, if you’re not happy in your relationship you need to do something about it. He said he was already and there was lots of thinking going on. I had no part of this I said nothing will happen, you need to work out what you want I am not interested in breaking up or being part of a triangle.
He breaks up with his girlfriend a short time later. We meet up in the few weeks after nothing happens but we chat etc and have a drink. She moves out of their home. I am like this is too soon to him and you need a break not start something else, but he reasssures and reassures and says absolutely not he likes me etc and he will not be changing his mind and wants to build something. I am concerned however I go with it.
Next few months things develop and are going well seeing each other and dating. However he advises that he is having some personal issues he is dealing with mental health and he’s struggling, but it’s separate, he sees a counsellor and is trying to get help. He does meet up with his ex and discuss going forward with the house. Who will buy it etc. Then all of a sudden out the blue I sense something is wrong, his messages are off. I ask him outright, what is wrong. He said heads in a mess and I’m not sure what I’m doing/feeling I can’t continue this at the moment until I sort myself out and other messages to that effect. He likes me and enjoys talking to me. We continue as friends messaging etc. It’s every day. I know then he has to move out as she wants to go back to the house, which is fair enough it’s her house. He moves out and stays with family. He did say how stressed and overwhelmed he felt, didn’t like the thought of selling the house. Then whilst we were messaging again I sense something is off so I message and ask outright are you getting back together. He says not for certain I think we both don’t know what to do. I call him as feel hurt I’ve been messed around. He says he still has feelings for her and can’t switch them off. I may add I know more about his issues and he’s mention self sabotage which is what he thinks he does. I’m not sure why I’m here but I feel very hurt and used. I’m not messaging him anymore. I just need some advice going forward. Was I just used? Did he like me at all? I feel like I’ve lost trust which was already quite bad. Thank you for reading of you have got this far.