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Newbies' corner

Fiancé not ready for family

2 replies

Hhorsefield · 17/04/2023 21:35

What can I do? I’m sad - I have an amazing life to someone who can look from the outside (F27). I have a really good job that I enjoy, and an awesome partner (M28), but for the last 6-8 months I’ve been really upfront and open that I want a baby. We are getting married in September this year - and my partner would’ve waited another 3 years for a baby after having chats, but he has taken me into consideration and said he will be happy to try once we’re married. I truly appreciate that - he’s brought his timeline forward for me. But in the meantime - I am drinking heavily to ‘pass the time’. Any opportunity I get from work when colleagues suggest it - I’m at the pub. Much to the sadness of my amazing partner. I cannot help it - I try to stay home, each week I start a fresh and say I’m not drinking, but all I want is the mother life and so there’s ‘nothing to do’ until then. I worry I’m using alcohol as a clutch, which I know can be a terrible path. What can I do between now and then to stop drinking so much and drive my partner away? What can we do together to create that routine we can enjoy? Please don’t be too harsh, I’ve come here as a last resort after months of battling with my (apparent severe drinking and) mental health. I need ideas to keep my relationship as amazing as it was before I became bogged down with the longing to be a mum, and thus turning to alcohol.

OP posts:
1098765four · 18/04/2023 11:01

it sounds really difficult and I think you need to go to therapy. It sounds like alcohol is filling a void but you are also self sabotaging. I wouldn't choose to have a baby with someone addicted to alcohol, so you risk your partner using this as a reason to put the timeline back.

You are very very young still, I am the same age.

The only other thing I can suggest is a doing a hobby on your own or with your partner. Take up dance lessons together, do DIY projects. It sounds like you're bored.

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 25/04/2023 07:01

I'm so sorry that you are struggling so much @Hhorsefield. Setting up a routine that both enjoy does sound like a great goal. I think on your case though your first thing should be to go to the GP, if you haven't already.

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