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Friend or not?

5 replies

Katiejane19 · 25/11/2022 21:35

22 years ago I made friends with Sarah, who had a baby around the same time as I had mine.she had a boy, I had a girl, we met up a lot when they were young but over the years the kids drifted( different schools etc) but Sarah and I stayed friends.Both our kids did well at school, both went to uni, both are now working.however, my daughter is really outgoing with loads of friends, her son Is quite happy with small group of friends. Over the last year or so sarah and I have been meeting up less and when we do I always feel odd .conversation has become more stilted-she talks a lot about how much money they are spending and then says’ but of course we can afford it’ .Sarah has instagram and I don’t-but she seems to stalk my daughter , who posts lots of pictures of her and her friends dressed up as 22 year old clubbers dress, going out to clubs and parties .Sarah then shows me pictures of my own child saying things like’ look she’s hardly wearing any clothes’ or ‘ that dress is nearly indecent’ or some such comment. This has now happened 6 or 7 times .she told me today she showed the pictures to her husband, who was equally shocked by my daughter’s appearance.I just shrugged and said ‘well as someone who has always suffered with body image, I’m just glad she’s happy in her own skin’ which is how I feel. But I’ve come away feeling really angry.I have never criticised her child -I like him-I find him a bit socially awkward but I would never say that. I don’t know whether im making too much of this- Sarah is a much more dominating character than I am.I have plenty of other kinder friends, but I’m somehow loathe to let our friendship go .we have no mutual friends and no longer live near each other.what do you think I should do

OP posts:
TheFarawayNearby · 25/11/2022 21:48

I'd let the friendship fade I think.

Fluffygoon · 25/11/2022 21:50

Bit of jealousy going in here I think - your DC is popular and her DC not so and is using money to big herself up?
My DC is similar age and if I meet mums I’ve known for 22 years we just give brief comments about the DCs in passing- they’re now adults with their own lives and privacy. She sounds a bit obsessive.

I’d focus on your kinder friends and limit the contact you have with her. I’d she starts wittering on about what your DC is wearing push back and say she’s enjoying herself and has good friends who look out for each other.

Liz1tummypain · 25/11/2022 22:06

How much do you miss the old friendship you two had? Sounds as though you're drifting apart already. Perhaps you'd feel better if you knew why she was saying these things but what's it going to achieve? Unless you really miss your friendship as it used to be, I'm with the other poster who says to let it fade away.

Katiejane19 · 29/11/2022 18:07

Thankyou all. Even after a few days I’m still really upset . I don’t think I can continue to be friends with her-it’s now whether I make excuses and try to let it drift, or whether I let her know why I don’t want to see her any more

OP posts:
Lulu2171 · 29/11/2022 20:08

Both of the things she's doing, criticising your DD and talking about having plenty of money, smack of insecurity to me. So by all means reduce contact, but I personally wouldn't be mean to her, even though she has certainly been mean to you. In your place I'd pity her that being rich and having a happy, successful DC are not enough for her. Sad.

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