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Was I abused? Groomed? My fault?
erin4 · 03/08/2022 16:08
Hey,
So I have just found out a "friend" of mine has been abusing teenagers, he's always been a creep but really nice guy in a weird way...
When I was 14 him 21 he was very persistent and egging me to sleep with him I didn't want to but he kept on and on and I kept telling him I have to go etc....so for the sake of getting home, he said well the quicker u do it the quicker ul get home! So anyway I let him then asked him to stop as it was painful, he did stop and let me go home, I've never told anyone but now 40 years old and learning of him with younger girls is making my stomach turn!
He's up at court and I have also found out he done similar to my friend ( we don't speak anymore)
A don't even know why or what am looking for on this I guess I just needed to put it out there.
picklemewalnuts · 03/08/2022 16:21
Bless you, Erin. How sad.
I'd say abused and groomed and definitely not your fault.
It's not unusual, being coerced into sex. 
Take some time to think about it.
pliset · 03/08/2022 16:29
If he is up on court and you feel able, please make a statement to the police.
erin4 · 03/08/2022 16:31
Thank you. My heads all over the place, av never thought about it till I heard about the court case xx
daretodenim · 03/08/2022 16:45
He coerced you. That's not your fault. And it's rape.
He was 21 and you 14. Even if you wanted to and enthusiastically gave consent, it's rape.
I'm so very sorry he did this to you. Please don't question yourself about it bring your fault - easier said than done, I know. He was with someone too young and wouldn't take no for an answer. Definitely all on him.
Staynow · 03/08/2022 16:47
Awful OP, you were a 14 year old child being taken advantage of by a much older man. That was child abuse.
erin4 · 03/08/2022 17:12
I have so many emotions going on, so angry I want to confront him! But again I wasn't screaming and yelling or running away no wonder he got away with it again & again.
Thanks for the advice and responses much appreciated xxx
picklemewalnuts · 03/08/2022 17:56
He chose young girls for a reason. Social pressure that stops us screaming and running away when we need to. Not your fault. It's all on him.
Take a bit of time, call a specialist survivors helpline to talk it through.
Don't be surprised if it knocks you for six and affects you unexpectedly- equally, you might have a cry, put it behind you and move on unaffected. Both reactions are fine.
notlongtoo · 19/08/2022 16:53
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Redfrangipani · 14/10/2022 00:15
“Social pressure that stops us screaming and running away when we need to. Not your fault. It's all on him.”
i absolutely agree with this. Something similar happened to me. I recognised what he had done was wrong, but I actually blamed myself more, for years - for putting myself in that position.
i know now I didn’t put myself into that situation. He took advantage of the situation.
Now, I see clearly it was all on him.
I did get some professional help to sort a lot of this out. There are also free telephone counselling services.
anonbelle · 16/10/2022 03:01
I'm so sorry to hear this!
So much wrong with this world :(
I hope you're able to heal and move passed this. Sending all my love💕
ABeautifulDayInTheNeighbourhood · 19/10/2022 19:33
It was rape because you were underage .
the exact same happened to me but not rape because I was 19 and he was 22. The age makes the difference
ABeautifulDayInTheNeighbourhood · 19/10/2022 19:34
It wasn't your fault . Definitely not . You were under the age of consent
RebeccaRose92 · 19/10/2022 19:35
He groomed and raped you. He saw you as vulnerable due to age and used that as an advantage. I’ve been there, OP.
ABeautifulDayInTheNeighbourhood · 19/10/2022 19:38
As he stopped when you asked him to if you had been an adult I would say it would be unpleasant sex rather than rape. But your age makes all the difference
I was a 19 year old just released from hospital after a mental health episode and I just gave in and let him do it because I was afraid to say no..child abuser survivor here (domestic abuse rather than anything else so hazy boundaries) and I was afraid of most men.so he coerced me and coerced me but felt unable to say no. S o let him do it until I told him not to go any further because I was afraid of penetration due to fears of pregnancy.
In my case I was left shaking and shaken . It was not pleasant .
ThingsIhavelearnt · 19/10/2022 19:44
picklemewalnuts · 03/08/2022 16:21
Bless you, Erin. How sad.
I'd say abused and groomed and definitely not your fault.
It's not unusual, being coerced into sex.
Take some time to think about it.
All of this - make a statement to the police if you can. This is rape. Abuse. Assault. Grooming. Coercive behaviour etc
in no way are you to blame my lovely you were a child x
I hope you can make a statement to the police and access some counselling and support.
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