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Friend flirting with husband

26 replies

eh4e19 · 13/05/2022 22:16

I have a long-term friend who I've known since my university years. She and I remained in contact and catch up either to talk on the phone or for a coffee about once a week, but we recently became closer and she has started coming round our house for drinks semi-regularly as she lives nearby.

She met my husband about a year ago, but only fleetingly and met him another time at our wedding. However, ever since she's been popping round our house, I've noticed her flirting with my husband. She started sending him texts "just as friends" and enquiring about various things, and when she's in the house and my husband in the room, she suddenly gets all flustered and giggly and acts like a schoolgirl, showing off her (big) cleavage.

It does alarm me somewhat, even though I know my husband is loyal to me and to our marriage. He has even noticed her flirting and said it makes him uncomfortable when she comes round to our house.

I remember in our university days when we were in our 20s, she would do the same thing with my boyfriends or men I was interested in at the time. She used to joke about "stealing my men" back then but I just used to not take it too seriously.

Could I please have some advice? I don't want some big confrontation or a blow-up with her. I want to remain civil but also set some firm boundaries.

Thank you all.

OP posts:

Report

LoudingVoice · 13/05/2022 22:19

Next time she tries it just both you and your husband deadpan ask her what she’s doing?

Or just reduce/cut seeing her, she sounds odd, who behaves like that? Doesn’t sound like someone I’d want to spend time with, I can’t be bothered with this kind of crap.

Justmuddlingalong · 13/05/2022 22:24

I think any reaction should come from DH. When she's all giggly and flirty, he looks her straight in the face and asks if she's feeling ok. Any texts she sends him should be ignored. Stop inviting her round, either as often or when DH is at home.

Eightiesfan · 13/05/2022 22:36

Honestly, I would ask your husband to block her number and if she continues to come to your house and flirt openly with your husband I would phase her out.

it sounds like she hasn’t grown up and has a very distorted view of how desirable she is. She might have self-esteem issues or she might just be an arrogant CF who thinks she’s super attractive and can catch the eye of any man.

Either way, I would tell her disrespectful ass to take both her inept flirting and her DDs and do one.

PatsyJStone · 13/05/2022 22:48

I agree that he should ignore any giggling and flirting.

I would also say exactly what he has said to her if it happens again. Maybe 'DH felt a bit awkward when you were jokey flirting with him'. See if she carries on. Putting in the jokey comment may soften what could be a very awkward conversation.

I have had similar with a very close friend and it was very hard to deal with, especially as my DH wouldn't notice someone flirting if they had a big sign telling him they were. I knew and it was disturbing.

BluebellField · 13/05/2022 22:54

Fuck that. She's no friend of yours if she's flirting with your partner. She wouldn't be welcome round my house again if I was you. It's disrespectful and just not on.

Ziga · 13/05/2022 22:55

LoudingVoice · 13/05/2022 22:19

Next time she tries it just both you and your husband deadpan ask her what she’s doing?

Or just reduce/cut seeing her, she sounds odd, who behaves like that? Doesn’t sound like someone I’d want to spend time with, I can’t be bothered with this kind of crap.

This is the best advice - she’s blatantly being rude and disrespectful to you both by doing this. Why not be blunt back?

allboysherebutme · 13/05/2022 23:05

I would not invite her anymore and question why you want to be friends with her.
She's always tried to take what you have and is obviously jealous of you, this is not a friend. X

allboysherebutme · 13/05/2022 23:06

Agree with @BluebellField X

converseandjeans · 13/05/2022 23:08

Stop asking her over to the house. To be honest I don't think I would want to hang out with someone like that.

Neverreturntoathread · 13/05/2022 23:09

This isn’t about your DH, this is about her dominating and disrespecting you. She wants to show all of you that of the two of you, she’s the more attractive one. I dunno why she does that, something to do with her ego, ask a psychologist.
She’s not your friend.
Cut her out of your life and get some actual friends.

TheNoteIsEternal · 13/05/2022 23:10

Dump her. She is not your friend.

eh4e19 · 13/05/2022 23:35

Thank you all! Yes. I really thought she would've grown out of the behaviour and dynamic we had in our 20s, but obviously she hasn't. I was a bit conflicted as to whether or not to end the friendship, as it's been a long friendship, but all your supportive replies confirmed that she really isn't a true friend and I should stop inviting her or letting her come round.

I will talk to DH and suggest blocking her number. I don't know if I should "ghost" her or would that be rude?

OP posts:

eh4e19 · 13/05/2022 23:37

Ziga · 13/05/2022 22:55

This is the best advice - she’s blatantly being rude and disrespectful to you both by doing this. Why not be blunt back?

Show quote history

Thank you. I would be blunt back but I don't want some big confrontation. She used to gaslight me about these things when we were younger, I'm not sure if she has changed in that respect.

OP posts:

NewandNotImproved · 14/05/2022 00:00

No need for a ‘big confrontation’, she has no justification for making a fool of herself, so any attempt at it can be laughed at.

HollowTalk · 14/05/2022 00:06

She is not your friend. She is coming round to your house and taking advantage of your hospitality to chat up your husband. Why would you need his phone number anyway? He should block her immediately. I wouldn't ask her around anymore and if she asks why I would tell her bluntly

OversBo · 14/05/2022 00:26

Who could be bothered with a friend like that. No drama needed, just phase her out.

Eightiesfan · 14/05/2022 17:45

eh4e19 · 13/05/2022 23:35

Thank you all! Yes. I really thought she would've grown out of the behaviour and dynamic we had in our 20s, but obviously she hasn't. I was a bit conflicted as to whether or not to end the friendship, as it's been a long friendship, but all your supportive replies confirmed that she really isn't a true friend and I should stop inviting her or letting her come round.

I will talk to DH and suggest blocking her number. I don't know if I should "ghost" her or would that be rude?

Bless you OP, the shameless bint is openly flirting with your DH, and you are worried about being rude by ghosting her.

I think you know that she’s not much of a friend, but if you value her friendship that much you need to have a talk with her and be firm about your boundaries on her childish attempts at flirting.

SunshineCake · 14/05/2022 17:51

Given how she is disrespecting you and your marriage I don't think you need to be worried about ghosting her!

DogsAndGin · 14/05/2022 18:04

DH needs to block her, and I would be thinking very hard about whether you want to retain her as a friend. It’d be a no for me!

eh4e19 · 15/05/2022 00:43

Thanks, I've made the decision to ghost her! I need to put myself and my marriage first before this fake "friendship". She clearly doesn't care for me anyway!

Thank you all

OP posts:

OversBo · 15/05/2022 07:13

Good decision

Ziga · 18/05/2022 23:03

Good for you OP. As others have said she is not a friend.

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Catlover78 · 14/11/2022 23:26

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Ohhmydays · 15/11/2022 14:17

PatsyJStone · 13/05/2022 22:48

I agree that he should ignore any giggling and flirting.

I would also say exactly what he has said to her if it happens again. Maybe 'DH felt a bit awkward when you were jokey flirting with him'. See if she carries on. Putting in the jokey comment may soften what could be a very awkward conversation.

I have had similar with a very close friend and it was very hard to deal with, especially as my DH wouldn't notice someone flirting if they had a big sign telling him they were. I knew and it was disturbing.

This is my dp, doesn’t notice nothing unless pointed out right to him.

on the other hand though I am very out spoken and blunt and don’t mash my words so would have told dear friend the 1st time it happened to calm her pants down and to go to a bar if she wanted to flirt with men and to leave the married ones alone

CambsAlways · 02/04/2023 10:56

Your husband should be putting her in her place, none of my friends have my husbands phone number! So she must think she’s your husbands friend as well as yours! Although not really a friend to you op! I hate this type of woman making a show of herself with her tits out. Sounds very immature. She’d be straight out the door on her arse if that happened to me! 🙄 get rid of the pathetic bint op you are worth more! I’m sure she be onto the next victim soon

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