Hello Mumsnetters
Im not sure why I'm writing this here but I'd like to hear if anyone has experienced something similar.
My daughter is 9 months old and since her birth I have reflected a lot on my upbringing and especially the difficult relationship I have with my mother. Long story short, my mother had been physically abusive for as long as I can remember. It started with her slapping my face, hands, bottom and at around 9 years old turned into punches and kicks.
Even now (I'm in my early 40's) I feel traumatised with how she treated me. My main memory is of her hitting me every night for months. At the time we lived in a caravan and she had a new boyfriend over, for hours all I called hear was them kissing and talking and I'd cry, huff and puff and ask them to be quiet (I'd sleep at the back of caravan, separated by a curtain)
Anyway, years later I have tried to speak to her as to why she treated me that way and how could she be so cruel but nothing ever gets resolved. Today I brought the subject up again and I'm so shocked with how she blatantly refused to discuss it, she actually said she hit me because I wouldn't go to sleep and that's what people did in those days. I'm shocked at how she could be so confrontational and told me to move on and not live in the past.
She had no remorse or showed any compassion to me, all I had was conflict from her.
I've tried to explain that our relationship has been effected by this ever since but I get no where.
I can't deal with it...my most important relationship is with my daughter and I but I can't help feeling so letdown.
Please any advice would be gratefully appreciated.