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I dont know what to do about my relationship

1 reply

Bettsy123 · 11/02/2021 21:58

Over a year ago I met a friends family member at a BBQ (may have been a joke set up) we instantly hit it off. I really liked him and there was something more there.

Both of us had just been through really rough break ups (divorce, cheating (not us) & children involved). So our heads weren't in the right place at all. We went on a few dates but he kept blowing hot and cold. It took alot of me to try and put insecurities aside and realise that maybe he just wasnt into it. Since then weve had the odd 'how are you' or birthday message and have seen eachother through similar circles. Last time I saw him he kissed me out of the blue and again didnt really stay in contact after. (Have since been told he was warned not to get involved unless 100%)

Fastforward- I'm now 6 months into a relationship with a guy who even at the start I said he was so far from my normal type, even my family commented. But he is lovely. Stable, supportive, loving, fully committed.

The other night I get a message from my friends family member saying that he would like to seriously date. He handled things badly and his head wasnt in the right place and his life was a mess. He knew what I'd been through and how I was treated, he didnt want to hurt me and was far from right himself. I'm annoyed because he could have said something ao much sooner and had an adult conversation about it all. But I really do think hes genuine.

My head is mashed. I'm not even considering anything with my friends family member but it has made me question my relationship now; with this guy the chemistry is incredible and with my boyfriend the passion is just not there. Our sex life is lacking to say the least. And I've tried to speak to him about it but it hasnt ever got any better (I dont think weve ever really had good sex). I dont know if becauee my past relationships were so horrendous that the stability of this one is what I'm actually here for.
I wasnt instantly attracted to my boyfriend and at the beginning I tried to end it a few times. He is amazing in alot of ways but it feels more like a friends relationship.

I dont want this thread to sound like I'm horrendous, I'm trying to be honest and get some advice because I'm really confused. I have a little girl (2) who has bonded with him. I'm not going to make any hasty decisions. Please just give me some advice.

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Ludo19 · 12/02/2021 06:58

Your boyfriend doesn't sound compatible to you. The lack of sex (if you want more) and his failure to address it isn't really going anywhere. If he doesn't want to try then for me I'd walk away.

With regards to the friends family member I'd leave that in the past. Honestly the two of you had a rough time in your personal lives and maybe that's how you bonded. You both wanted to feel wanted and needed, if this had been your first "dating" experience after a messy divorce or breakup then that's best left in the past.

Take some time out and enjoy being single. Learn to realise what you actually want. Of you need to build up your confidence as well so you won't settle for something that isn't quite right. Also don't involve anyone in your DD's life till your 100% sure.

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