Am i in the wrong?

[ivfbabymomma1]

Sorry this might be a long one.
Background - I was adopted when I was a few weeks old.
So I’m 31 and my parents have just kindly paid for me to have IVF due to fertility issues. They were very keen to help as they had their own issues and didn’t want me to go through them.
So I went through ivf last October. It was fortunately successful the first time round and I’m now 11 weeks pregnant.
My mum was initially really happy for me (I mean what outcome did she expect from the ivf she paid for) but now she’s not speaking to me. Seeing me pregnant is bringing back memories that she never could conceive.
Her main problem with me is that during the early stages of pregnancy I didn’t text her at 7am every morning to say I hadn’t miscarriages that night. Baring in mind I see her every single day around 5:30pm so she knows I’m fine and I text her most days! Just not at 7am! So yeah now she’s either screaming at me, or she won’t talk to me. And she’s left town for a week to “cool down”
She has said some horrific things like me not texting her every morning at 7am is unforgivable considering what she went through and basically this is all about her. She has also now turned on my husband and made him to blame for also not texting her if I wasn’t?! (Even though I was)

Note: my mum and dad are still together but he sort of keeps out the way.

Thanks and sorry for the essay!!!

Wow. That must be tough on you as early stages of pregnancy are a tough time emotionally anyway.
The first thing that springs to my mind is perhaps your mum (adopted mum?) Had a much tougher time trying to conceive than you know about. They adopted you, but perhaps had some sad losses before hand.
She must love you very very much, you are her Daughter. And your now you are in that exact same position she was in when she had to endure so much pain. Unfortunately the way her love for you is coming out is in anger, as she is just so so worried for you. It is of course unreasonable to expect you to text her at 7am to let her know you haven't miscarried in the night. It's also putting negative thoughts into your head that miscarriage may/Will happen.
Obviously if she were able to take a more refrained relaxed approach to supporting you that would be better all round.
But at the moment she is probably reliving some difficult times, alongside seeing her own little girl be in the same boat.
Guess it's not really about who's in the wrong. That's prob why your dad's keeping out of it, he doesn't want to upset any one.
Perhaps speak to your mum, ask her to share what's troubling her, let her know her own anxieties and negative thoughts won't be helpful to you and you need her to be positive.
Explain to her that you understand she needs you to keep her in the picture and perhaps let her know that she would be the first to know if anything were wrong. But if she doesn't hear from you, to take that as everything is fine .
A tricky situation all round, but hopefully with a bit of talking and tweaking a happy situation where your Mum can enjoy your pregnancy and then a grandchild
Good luck

Thank you so much for your reply!!

That’s really helped me calm down! In fact my mum is coming back sometime this week and wants a chat with my dad, myself & my husband so hopefully that won’t end up in a screaming match and will calm down. Yeah she did have a hard time conceiving, 5 years or so I think? And then adopted me. But I just feel that all this has been about the way she feels not me. Ahh well hopefully it will calm down for the second trimester and the first one has been hell!

Thank you so much for your advice
Xx

No worries. Always easier from the outside looking in and to give advice when your Not the one mixed in with it all.
I have a difficult time with my own mum so I know how you feel!
I think some mother daughter relationships are really tricky. Find it way harder than my relationship with my hubby, that's an easy walk in the park compared to my relationship with my Mum! I do envy those friends of mine who have really close friendships with their mum's. I'm really aiming for that with my own little girl now.
Good luck with it all
X

With regards to the morning text - isn't the age old saying 'no news is good news'!?

Well yeah I though so!! lol! Luckily it all seems to have sorted itself out now but that was a horrendous 3 weeks!

Do you speak with each other again and all is well? She should be happy for you to be pregnant and it's luck big time that you are not going through something she had to go back then.

Speak to your Dad before she comes home - he needs to sort her out.

This kind of stress isn’t good for you or the baby. It sounds like she needs some professional help but meantime this is her issue not yours.