Hello, am new and need to vent :( long story but I will go with the relevant part. I met a man at work who was 16 yrs. older than me but that didn’t matter. Id previous got married to an older abusive guy and wanted out and this guy had just gotten out of a relationship and it just seems right at the time. Looking back it have damaged me emotionally.
We date from 2012 , broke up for a month 2013 and got back together. Reason for the break up was he was chatting to other women online including transsexuals. I found out and he said it’s because we never done anything together. Bearing in mind I had a 3 yrs. old at the time, worked fulltime and was going through a nasty divorce. Saying that it’s no excuse but I was in experienced and he never offered to do much other than movies or a meal. Fast forward, we got back together and started doing things that included my son , we met with other couples and his friends for drinks etc. I have never had many friends and he never seemed interested in the couple I had… anyway, fast forward to 2015, I found out I was pregnant , he was away so waited until he was back to say I think I maybe.. he said we would do a test after work that evening. I went and got the test and after our meal I said to him that I got it so he said I should go and use it. I used it and left it in the bathroom knowing what the result would be.. we sat watching tv, he didn’t seemed interested so I asked if he wanted to know or not and he said yes so we went and look and the result was just that.. pregnant. He made a joke about his sperms (I suppose given the age difference and he has never had kids, married or had many long term relationships.. I later found out.
He didn’t seems happy but I put it down to being in shock ,because tbh I add no idea what I wanted but not an abortion.
He wasn’t his lively self and that night he didn’t say much but slept with his hand on my tummy. He also mentioned that I needed to confirm it with the doctors.
About a week or else I began to get craving etc. one evening after work I had mad cravings for ice cream and got some… he was making meal for us. Normally he would’ve had a go but this time he kept ignoring me and he seemed in a mood not wanting to sit in the front room with me so I asked him what was his problem and he responded , you, you are pregnant and I do not want it… this was while walking away from me to the other room
I swore my heart broke into a million pieces that evening and my body started to freeze. I started crying and asked him to drop me home. He asked if I didn’t want to talk about it I said no just take me home.. while I was waiting on him I booked an abortion and told him the date. He was fine with it. He took me home and I cried myself to sleep for few nights until he texted that I should come over and talk about it.
That night he tried to blame me that I didn’t seemed happy and he also said we could get a house together close to his friends and that I should make an appointment for the doctors.
I cancelled my appointment but was still uncertain with his behaviour.
One evening I got home from work tired, sat down with an old phone he gave me. His Facebook was opened so I started to browse his page then his messenger and that’s we I saw he was discussing the pregnancy with this woman from his work and making plans to meet for lunch to discuss it. My heart broke into a million more piece again and the cold sweat started… I rang him shaking.. I asked me who was he was discussing me with and he said no one. I asked him again and he denied it. I mentioned the lady’s name and started screaming at him asking him why he was discussing our business with a stranger and not with me. By then we had an appointment booked for the following day for the abortion so I told him after we are done.
The morning he was late getting me and we had fight and when we got to the clinic we sat in silent for the whole time. After the procedure he asked me where I want him to drop me off I said home as I had nothing suitable at his place to wear. I even told him that someone was supposed to stay with me for something but he said he had to go for half day work. I knew it was to meet the woman to discuss what had happened. Before he left he asked what I wanted to eat and that he would bring me back tea… he came back few hours after with nothing but just to tell me we should go our separate ways but can remain friends.
Boy , was I stupid- we did for another year and slept together throughout that time. Fast forward to 2016 he met a fwb from his cycling group they then started a relationship early last year but he hide it from me for five months. I only found out because she kept tagging him and his best friend into things and I saw them on his best friend’s timeline. We even slept together while they were together and I didn’t know.. in the end I asked him and he said yes but only recently.
Anyways , regarding something else he spoke to me in a tone by text that I didn’t like so I told him where to go etc. and that never to speak to me, contact me or response to me if I contacted him.
For 1.5 yrs. we hadn’t spoken until last week he pulled over asked how I was etc. and about work – said he was worried because he saw changes there etc.
He asked to meet for lunch to which I stupidly done and only to hear him moan about one of his step kid being a nightmare. Bear in mind he said he never wanted kids. The three bedroom house he bought and how they are all living together , what they want to watch on Netflix , how crazy women are and how he didn’t signed out for fathering the kid. How it like hell. People told him to grow up but for what.. the only thing he had done right sine then his buying his mom a flat.
He seems happy while my health have been shitty, haven’t had a relationship since then because am scared and can’t seem to meet anyone meaningful.
I am a beautiful person inside and out but am broken. It’s been 3 yrs. now but I don’t know… and him now living with a family after what he done to me emotionally and mentally all seems to wrong.
The fact that I didn’t got myself pregnant, the fact that he didn’t want his child but he wants someone else’s, the fact that he didn’t loved me enough or even do to let me have that baby.
All feedback welcome as am hurting badly and I don’t know why…