Partner but not the children’s dad

[Leanne41e]

Hi
I’m in a state of shock! I have 13-16 and 20 year old all boys. The little 2 have mental health issues, youngest ADHD autism and challenging behaviour the other is undiagnosed ocd and acts immature winding the younger one up. The last 8 weeks have been tough! 2 smashes tv and hours on the PlayStation. Now the last broken tv isn’t repacked they are bored and fight! Maybe it’s withdrawing symptoms. Anyway my partner was over and he was getting annoyed he then shouted FUxx OFF right in their faces and I had a moan as you would and said he is wrong to do that, my older was in the shower with music on and heard it. He then blamed me as I shouldn’t of let it get to that point even though I’m drained from doing it alone every day! He stormed off when he knew my oldest and the boys Dad was on the phone to me. My youngest then was worried he would kill him self if he didn’t apologise and he didn’t want the partner off mine to die and the last memory of my son was him being an idiot. How can I carry on with a bloke that calls my kids fxxx pricks, feel numb

So you have 3 sons, youngest age 13, has ADHD, next one age 16, has issues, the eldest is 20 and has no issues. Is that correct? Does the 20yo live with you? Does your partner live with you?

Sounds like a tough situation. What supports do you get?

I am not sure your partner is helping the situation any as it sounds like he gets wound up then resorts to shouting and calling your DS's names. Maybe you need to cool it with him and just concentrate on your lads?

You don't carry on with him. Get rid of him.

He’s my guarantor for my house and before with rows he’s said he’s coming off it which would make us homeless

That's complicated, but you do need to start planning an exit. You should not subject your children to that.

Oh god I know and I feel so quilty that that happened and they must of felt so scared. I’m planning my exit route and have for ages but he keeps coming back on the scene all nicey nicey. He’s controlling and manipulating me all the time. Nasty person and I don’t know how I can get out of it. The threats to come off as guarantor if we split will leave us homeless! Not even sure he could remove himself!

If he comes off being guarentor then you will just have to go to the council as homeless- depending on where you are it maybe a hostel/bnb at first then temporary accommodation-or maybe not - very location dependent.. you will get a roof over your heads...
if you have not managed to save anything toward sorting out deposit for yourself....are you getting CMS from the boys father? if not call them and get that in motion...
If your 20yr old is working he will be expected to contribute or if in education maybe housed with you...

He sounds very damaging to your sons health so even if you wont do it for yourself do it for them...

Oh @Leanne41e he sounds awful. He needs to go, telling vunerable kids to F off under any circumstances is in-acceptable
As is being so mean to you.

I would contact women's aid and ask for advice about the guarantor issue. He's bullying you. There will be a way round the housing my friend lost her guarantor and got a crisis loan - paid the letting agents 6 months upfront then paid the loan back then with the help of citizens advice she got a month by month agreement with them - they were very nice and understanding and a situation like this could also prioritise you for social housing too.

Phone WA today - I hope you get something sorted

He can't remove himself until the end of your tenancy. Exh tried this.

I know the system as I work in a homeless hostel where the Council house you. I’m not going down that route as working where I would be housed isn’t an option but thank you for the advise