Is it okay for a 2.5 year old to not see her mum 3 consecutive days a week

[Kilamod]

Hi there,

To me as I typed the title my heart breaks at the thought but I'm reaching out to try separate my emotions from that of my DD. I hope you can help.

I coparent and my DD has since about 6 months old spent overnights with her dad (He just saw her daytime here and there before that. We never lived together. On average he had her one night at a time, but twice each week. She alw cried going and when she was 18 months old he took me to court for more time. She was still upset going but I settled to avoid the stress for us all and hoping for a better family life for her and he now has her 5 nights every fortnight, 2 at a time and then an additional one night midweek.

I'm now considering taking a full time job which would mean that I would not see her from Wednesday morning until Friday evening after work or Friday morning until Sunday evening the alternating week making it 3 days and 2 nights each time and she'll be in nursery 5 days a week, she's currently going 2 days.

Her dad does not agree to us speaking on the phone wh she's with him saying it will distress her and I'm wondering if she'll be okay.

I had a terrible childhood and want a loving connected family life for her. I don't have support from my mother and none of my friends can offer me advice.

It would mean I only saw her full days once every other weekend.

I do have the option of working from home here and there but I feel she's too young to let me actually get any work done and not sure when that would change or if it's even a good idea.

Could use some advice, I don't want her to feel abandoned but not sure whether those are just my feelings from my past.

Was the norm in our household when the kids were young. I would often go 5 days without seeing them at all when on certain shifts. It was their normal, no problems. They were safe at daycare during the day and with DH before and after daycare. Not like they were tied up at a bus stop . I have other friends for who it was also completely normal. Kids are now teens/young adults, didn’t affect them in any way moving forward and we all have a good close relationship.

Is the new job important to you and will it benefit DD in any way?

Won't he budge and change the pattern, so his nights are spaced out? He sounds like an arse taking you to court, it's your baby you gave birth to her, while she's so young what you say should go. I split from my toddlers dad, we are back together but living seperate at the moment, him having my son one night a time felt so wrong. If he was older, and he understood what was going on I'd be fine, but his age I found it so hard. I was lucky though as he was respectful of that issue. Would he agree to spread his nights out so you don't go so long apart?

My friend split from her husband just before her youngest was 3. They do 50/50 custody so she has 3 nights a week she doesn't have her children. Her youngest adapted to it no problem at all. It took her a lot longer to be relaxed about it.