Adopted Dad feeding concerns

[markagm]

Hi,

I don’t know if I’m allowed to post here, being a bloke, but I'm struggling to find sites / forums related to dads and not just mums. My husband and I adopted a 1 year old boy and we’re just concerned that he’s not eating enough, or even what is enough. We’re still waiting to see a health visitor and a Dr in regards to his development.

My son eats:

5-6:30 7oz formula bottle on waking (but then usually goes back to sleep for an hour).

7:30-8:30 weetabix (between 0.5 and 1), he was on Ella’s kitchen baby rice which his foster carer used as porridge, but he seems to have gone off that.

10am snack of Ella’s kitchen biscuit or the puff crisps. I tried him on a recipe of blended dates, cashews and strawberry which he ate a bit of.

11:30 - 12:30 Cow & Gate jar, Ella’s kitchen meal (between 3 spoonfuls to ¾ of the meal), then a banana pouch or Ella’s kitchen fruit pouch (will normally eat all of it).

2:30-3 snack of date bar, or some of the morning snacks.

3:30-4:30 same as lunch really, just a different meal - again eats around the same, pudding is a fruit pouch.

6:30 7oz formula bottle before bed.

We are starting to introduce finger foods and trying him out with other foods, but he has quite a few allergies and health issues which restrict the type of foods we can try him on.

That’s a lot of sugar the kid is having in the form of fruit.

You’ll probably have better luck if you post on the baby weaning board or chat.

He's 1, can you give him the same food you eat (bearing in mind his allergies)? What allergies does he have? There are some FB groups for parents of children with allergies which are extremely helpful and knowledgeable - my daughter has CMPA (cow's milk protein allergy) but lots of children on there have multiple allergies.

When my ds was about the same age, I was worried about him not eating much too. My health visitor reassured me that he had a tiny stomach at this age, I think she ssid about the size of a 50p, so a few mouthfulls at a meal was enough to fill him up. So long as he is gaining weight at the right speed, is alert, weeing and pooing regularly, he will let you know when he wants more.
Anyway, ds is a strapping 18 year old now, so hv was right.

I would try making more home made veg/protein based dinners now though as I found they were more satisfying for my dc than pureed jars or fruit pouches.

Congratulations on your new arrival!

To me, that sounds like plenty of food but I'd advise talking it through with the health visitor too.

If you don't want to wait, take him to baby clinic (not sure where you are based in the UK but there should be one hopefully local to you) HV's are there to help. I take DS every week to get weighed and get advice in weaning and development and also for DS to meet other children and play with different toys.

Remember to offer water in a sippy cup / let him have access whenever he wants it too.

The actual amounts aren't really that important, what's important is looking at the whole child. Is he gaining weight steadily? Tracking a percentile line generally? Alert and active at least part of the time? Meeting developmental milestones? Getting the chance to decide when he's had enough to eat? If all of those are true, he's fine. A healthy normal child knows how much they need to eat better than anyone else does.

However, I agree that is a fruit-heavy diet. He needs more carbohydrates, fats and proteins, preferably as home cooked and finger foods not jars. Is he self feeding at all?

I recommend the Carlos Gonzalez book My Child Won't Eat! if you are anxious about his eating.

He's eating enough but it's all processed food! Also it's very sweet. Lots of ready made baby meals are made more palatable by the addition of sweet foods such as carrot, beetroot, butternut squash etc. That trains the palate to only like sweet foods. The way to avoid this is by making your own meals. E.g. Pasta bolognese, chicken, rice and vegetables, mac n cheese, fish pie, you can bulk cook then just freeze in portion sizes.

He needs more real food, that diet is very lacking in fats and proteins which are essential for growth.

Personally I would stop all the pouches, cut back on sweet foods and start feeding real food. Even with allergies he can have what you’re eating, just adapt it to his dietary needs.

Sounds reasonable. Maybe mine would have also had some milk in the mid afternoon but depends how big the morning/evening bottles are. Kind of also depends how often the meals are “three spoons” vs “most of a portion”. One of my kids was pretty much two meals a day till 20 months - the third just never really got eaten much. (Sometimes it was lunch, sometimes dinner...).

(Btw you are going to get loads of people saying you should weave your own quinoa and not give pouches - I would not worry about it, honestly. As long as you begin to move over to finger food over time Ella is not going to poison him, and I don’t think the fruit is such a massive issue either - as long as there is decent enough quantity and variety in what they take I tend to think “fed is best”!)

Welcome to MN. MN is for parents but not everyone is a parent are there are men who post on here. Parenting board is really helpful.

Agree with above. Is he wee/pooing regularly and putting on weight/following his curve in the red book.

He does seem to be eating lots of baby food.

What are his allergies? My DD is dairy free and it takes a few tweaks but we are used to it.

And don't forget that heat affects appetite too. Congrats on your new arrival. Do you have some real life support too? Say grandparents?

I'd try to only use jars/pouches occasionally. The manufacturers tend to use a lot of fruit or sweet vegetables even in the savoury ones to make them moreish which isn't great for your child to have on a regular basis. I save them for when we're out and about.

My DD is 15 months and I recently posted asking the same questions so I'll copy across her day to give you an idea. (She is allergic to egg and milk.)

Breastfeed on waking

Breakfast: A handful of diced mango then 1.5 Weetabix with Oatly milk (She always has fortified cereal for breakfast to help her calcium intake. Most days its Ready Brek making a portion as per the instructions on the pack but made using Oatly)

10:30 snack: 3 mini rice cakes and half a digestive biscuit (the latter is for the 'milk ladder' - introducing tiny amounts of dairy in baked products)

Lunch: Half a salmon fillet, two new potatoes, a floret of broccoli and two spears of asparagus. Four grapes (cut up) for pudding

Short BF before nap

4pm snack: 3 mini breadsticks and half an apple

Dinner: slice of homemade light wholemeal toast with mashed avocado and cherry tomatoes. Half a coconut yoghurt pot for pudding.

People on my thread said I should give DD more if she wants it but it seems a huge amount of food!

Heat and teething can put little ones off food. And their intake can be varried daily so think about what he has in a week but a day.

Lindt I’m sorry but that is terrible advice. Fed is best applies to milk only, not to food. Once a baby turns one milk is no longer the main source of nutrients and they have to have a varied and healthy diet consisting of more than fruit and processed food.

It’s nothing to do with “quinoa weaving” it’s ensuring children start their lives as healthily as possible. Good nutrition shouldn’t be sneered at.

Congratulations on becoming parents 😁 it does sound like you're relying on jars etc but then again it's all new to you if you've only just adopted. I would recommend Annabel Karmel for meal ideas. She is fantastic. My DS is slightly older than yours (15 months) and today he ate:

Breakfast- 1 weetabix and 1 bannana

10am- whole milk

Lunch- home made bubble and squeak with broccoli

Frozen yogurt Lolly

1.39 whole milk and satsuma

3.30- blueberry muffin (I made so less sugar)

5.00- Dinner- home made spaghetti bolonaise

Yogurt for pudding

He will have whole milk before bed

He also has water throughout day

It's so much cheaper and easier when they eat what you eat. I used to use jars all the time but he went off them. Good luck and enjoy your son

I'm guessing you're trying to give your new son as much continuity as possible from his food when with foster carers, so not radically changing his diet when everything else in his little world has changed too? I think it sounds like enough food, but I also think that children (just like adults) have appetites that are affected by grief and distress. (Pop over to the Adoption board if you want to chat more about that side of stuff). Congratulations on your new arrival, and hopefully the HV / GP / SW will be able to reassure you about their eating.

Now he is 1 year old he doesn't need to be on formula, he can have whole cow's milk (unless he is allergic then other dairy alternatives soya etc).

As others have said he should be having the same meals as you (however watch the sat content so try on to add any to cooking).

If he has had jars/pouches he may take a while to adjust to the new foods, look, smell and texture so let him play/explore with the food as much as possible.

Have a look at Caroline walker trust there is a publication for under 5s. Or google eat better start better. Both of these will tell you about portion sizes and different food groups to offer along with snack eg. Three meals and 2-3 snacks per day.

All under 5s should be on a multi vitamin.

I am not sure from your OP whether your child is underweight/losing weight?

Babies go through different growth spurts when they eat more then it levels off - also the hot weather may affect appetite for hot meals.

DD2 suffered from low weight/ weight losses when she was 6-24 months. We had to attend a growth clinic at the hospital. We were advised to add calories to her meals - for example extra unsalted butter in baby meals or mashed veg, and we made up "just add water baby porridge" with full fat milk.

Is there a reason he is still on jars and pouches at that age? Learning to chew proper food is important for his speech development and lots of baby foods are sweetened with apple etc.

Congratulations on adopting your lovely little boy.

The amount of food sounds good to me but I would try and change things over maybe one thing at a time if you are trying to give him some continuity from what he has known with his foster family. So change an evening meal to a homemade dinner and let him feed himself. Change a snack to breadsticks or something else that is savoury. Do that slowly until he is eating a good variety of foods.

Agree with others that seems like too much sugar. Dates especially are very high in sugar. There also doesn’t seem to be much veg in the diet. When my twins were 1 they would have:

A glass of milk on waking

Weetabix or porridge for breakfast

10.30 Either a fruit or veg based snack. So either some carrots and celery cut into strips with some hummus to dip or some fruit cut up with maybe some crackers and cheese. They love banana so we had those a lot

Lunch would be a sandwich in summer, with a yogurt for pudding. In winter I do a lot of homemade soups and give it with a roll or garlic bread. Sweet potato and butternut squash was their favourite

Another snack around 3ish which would be either a small pack of kids crisps or maybe some crackers and cheese or fruit if they hadn’t had any for morning snack

Dinner would be home cooked whatever me and dh we’re having but I’d take their portion out before adding salt and chilli. We did a lot of curries and rice, cous cous, home made pizza, lasagne. They ideally need some sort of carb, a protein and veg with dinner. Pudding would be a low sugar cake, or yogurt or something.

Mine were big eaters though so they ate large portions. My dd however ate only ha,f of what the boys did. She would be happy with a fe mouthfuls of curry and a spoon of rice.

My 10 month old has

6-7am - Ellas porridge or muesli
10am - banana and strawberry/some cheese cubes
12-1ish - avocado/scrambled egg/peanut butter on toast
4.30-5 - ellas kitchen pouch with a yoghurt to finish.

He also has bottles before both his naps and before bed.

I find the ellas pouches good because they actually taste of what they're supposed to and have quite big chunks.

Sounds like he is eating quite well and hopefully you can all have fun trying out new foods without worrying when you see your HV
Congrats btw

Sounds like he is eating well, and if he has moved in with you quite recently I would keep his food and milk the same as it was at foster carers for comfort and familiarity.

You can move him to cow's milk and a more 'family foods' diet gradually in time.

If I were you I'd try and cut down on the pouches and jars and instead give him some of whatever meal you're having, obviously providing it's not too spicy/salty.

Congratulations

Of course sensible nutrition is important - but Ella’s pouches are typically made of completely normal food (and very rarely have any fruit or anything sweet in savoury options unless it is called out in the name like “Moroccan lamb with raisins” or whatever) so I don’t think there needs to be a big stress about using them as part of a kids diet - especially if you have just taken on a new child (congratulations by the way!) and presumably have a billion different things you are trying to get right. (Different answer if you were just feeding them puréed fruit for every meal, of course).

If they are eating a variety of different things and making progress on finger foods (which it sounds like they are) then it’s all basically ok in my book. Which isn’t to say that there aren’t bonus points available for cooking from scratch.

Hello and congratulations!

I adopted a little boy at 6mths old. In hindsight I would say in very early days, just go with what is familiar to him, even if it means being on "baby food" or processed food a bit longer. If you offer him a range of food he'll soon let you know if he likes it. My son is still quite cautious of "bits" many years later and I think I was too keen to get him eating textured food when the books said he should. He'll soon catch up on weight but those early months are so very formative emotionally, that sets him up for life.

Having said that MN saved me in those early days from my parenting ignorance, so ask away any questions! Hope it all goes well