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Original poster

I don’t want to go through with my wedding

18 replies

Louisjay01 · 02/08/2018 13:55

I am due to be married in three weeks and don’t think I want to do it. This has been the biggest mistake of my life. Since the day we booked our venue we have not stopped arguing and I can’t take it anymore. How do you call off a wedding but not break up?

OP posts:

CloudPop · 02/08/2018 14:34

I know someone who did this. Just called it off - lost money but took it on the chin. Told her partner she wanted to be with him but didn't want a wedding. They're still together well over a year later.

Melliegrantfirstlady · 02/08/2018 14:38

Postpone it. Tell everyone you’ve had some bad news and will be in touch with a new date soon

Babdoc · 02/08/2018 14:39

I have a relative who did this. Her mum sat her down about a week before it, and said it was a marriage for life, not just a fancy wedding day, and was she sure she wanted to go ahead. She cancelled. (And we drank all the spare champagne...!)
She married someone else a few years later.

xJune88 · 02/08/2018 14:41

I felt exactly this but I am so glad I married my now husband. The stress of the wedding made us argue more and I questioned everyday what I was doing. I would never be without him and am so glad we got married, best day of my life. Only you knows how you feel deep down and what is right for you x

HesterMacaulay · 02/08/2018 14:49

Could you cancel the wedding but still get married? No guests no fuss no speeches no hassle?

steppemum · 02/08/2018 14:56

the issue is not the wedding, the issue is whether you want to spend the rest of your life with him.

If the answer is a clear yes, then you know it is wedding nerves. If the answer is you are not sure, then you need to leave.

beeefcake · 02/08/2018 15:04

Cancel now- you should be excited

Debbi55 · 06/08/2018 21:55

I'm sorry to hear that.
Like the others say you just have to stop it/postpone it just talk to your other half that's what counts, and if he truly loves you he will understand.
My best friend got married and i knew she didn't want to do it, but it was to late, and so she cried taking her vows, i knew what she was thinking, but her mum had paid thousands of pounds for the do.
They did nothing but argue and split up 9 months later, sad at the time but they should have never have married.
She also had 3 children with her husband.
Now they are much more happy not living together and she knows that they made the right call.
I do hope you can be strong and speak to him, he needs to know.....))

GK3412 · 16/08/2018 04:27

You know, followingng advice from strangers about making a life long commitment is absolutely wrong. Talk to the man Act your age.

paintedwingsandgiantrings · 16/08/2018 04:33

You know, followingng advice from strangers about making a life long commitment is absolutely wrong.

Erm... think you've missed the whole point of Mumsnet.

The OP is free to take or leave the advice as she chooses. She'll probably get lots of different opinions. Talking it over helps.

Women are free to talk to whomever we want you know, even - shock horror - about the man we're with if, we want to.

inquiquotiokixul · 16/08/2018 04:55

Definitely cancel. You shouldn't go through with it whilst feeling like this.

I have 2 sets of friends whose relationships survived a wedding cancellation. In one case the cancellation was so close to the intended wedding that they lost every penny - and when they eventually married they had zero budget so it was a "bring and share" reception and everything was very simple and it was one of the best weddings I have ever attended because no one was there for the free meal & booze but only for expressing love and support for the couple.

The other couple decided that being permanently not-married suited them better in general, but did a no-guests-at-all registry office quicky about 20 years later purely as the simplest way to ensure that they would be each other's next of kin in the event of serious illness as they started thinking ahead towards planning for old age.

Of course sometimes the relationship doesn't survive this kind of upset but fear of that would be an absolutely terrible reason for going ahead.

Monty27 · 16/08/2018 05:03

Postpone it. Get away from all the trying to arrangements stuff for everyone else to enjoy your wedding.
Then take a breather together.
If you don't want to get married, don't do it.
Divorce is pricey emotionally and financially too.
I wish you well.

Jadetilly · 02/09/2018 00:30

Call it off. My friend was the same before her wedding argued everyday. They got married and 3 months later they broke up. At the end of the day it is only a bit of paper. Your happiness is the most important so fuck what anyone else thinks. You should be looking forwards to it not dreading it and wondering if you even want to get married

Herladyships · 02/09/2018 20:20

Hi, sorry to jump on this thread a month on from you originally posting it

I do think planning a wedding is extremely stressful as you are trying to please so many people & everyone important in your lives but you can’t think like that it has to be your day fir you two alone. You have more than likely been stressing & arguing about things that when you look back realise they were so trivia. Think back to you as a couple before all this arguing & stress started. You dont just jump into marriage, it has to be right. I do feel for you & I am not going to tell you what you should do but I do agree marriage is not about the actual day it’s about spending the rest of the time you have left on this earth with the man you love. Listen to what your gut is saying, your first instincts are usually always the right decision. Don’t worry if you decide to cancel it’s only money which by the way doesn’t make you happy. If you do decide to stay with him, get married a different way without all the expense & huge stresses put on you both
Good luck & let us know what happens in the end

Justkeeprollingalong · 18/09/2018 19:02

Update?

bluetrampolines · 18/09/2018 19:14

My legal bill to divorce my abusive x is millions more than it cost to marry him. Don't do it.

Magicroundabout321 · 19/09/2018 15:09

HI, sorry to hear that.

I knew a girl once who said the same, went through with the wedding then left for another man soon afterwards.

I'm sure others then realise it was the right thing to go ahead though.

Not sure what advice to give, but wish you all the best. Very difficult decision.

Maverick66 · 19/09/2018 15:26

I think you need to have an honest conversation with your partner.
Only you and him know the full story.
Strangers cannot possibly give you the right advice.
It could just be nerves or it could be that you are not suited.
Either way you need to be honest with yourself and your partner.

Best of luck with your decision.

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