Fussy grumpy 1 month old! Please help!!

[Lana01]

Hi guys, I'd appreciate some advice. My 1 month old daughter is super fussy and generally is a difficult baby. The first week was okay, but since then we've had maybe 3 "good" days with her. She takes ages settling despite me putting her down at the first signs of tiredness. Daytime napping is a nightmare most days, especially PM and evenings. We have a 7am - 7pm routine, although she rarely last until 7pm. I try to make sure she has her AM nap or 2, then lunchtime nap (the longest) and a PM nap. Its a hit and miss with her. In the evening we have bedtime routine involving a bath and a feed, and I start settling just after 6pm, takes me an hour and then she's up shortly after and then it takes up to 2 hours to put her back down. I swaddle her and play white noise. Rock her till she's drowsy and put her down. Had to resort to "crying down" as nothing else seems to work. She does sleep well at night. I dreamfeed around 11pm and she's then up around 3am when I feed and she's back down almost instantly. At day time she's in one place for a few minutes then gets grumpy and cries. It goes for being held, going in a sling or a swing, playmate, watching cot mobile - I have to always keep moving her - it's like musical chairs! Shes rarely in a good mood. She can genuinely smile bit only does it in the mornings maybe. She can already hold her head up and keep it up for a bit. She's a very strong baby. She also started fussing when I feed her (bottle) and hasn't been eating much at all. I'm basically have to force her most of the times. Anyone else has a fussy baby like mine? Any advice? Do they ever grow out of it?

Has she perhaps got silent reflux? She might be in pain.

Other than that, both of mine were in the sling all the time at this stage, they just wanted to be held.

good luck!

She sounds overtired, a 4 week old needs a lot more sleep than that in the day.

Look up tired cues & follow hers & go by that for naps.

It's sounds like you are trying to shoehorn her into routines she isn't ready for. Relax about the routines, stop trying to put her down for naps and don't leave her to cry. They need to feed and sleep frequently with lots of cuddles and comfort for at least the first three months, and try a dummy.

She's FOUR WEEKS OLD. She's too young to learn a routine. She's too young to be smiling (they don't social smile until 6 weeks or so). She's too young for restricted naps. She is way, way too young to cry it out.

This whole post reads like you are trying to "fix" her by shoehorning her into your rigid idea of what a baby is "supposed" to do. But a baby isn't supposed to do anything, except be secure and loved.

Stop forcing the routine. Tiny babies are fussy and they want to be held. Hold her. If she is gaining weight well don't force her to feed. Don't restrict her feeding or sleeping times. Keep her close and meet her needs. She's not a problem to be solved. She's a person .

Also, what PP said ^^ babies can't be spoilt, in fact the more you cuddle them and hold them, the more independent they'll be when they're older. My two were never apart from me for the first few months (sling, co-sleeping), they both walked at 8 months and are very sociable.

She is 4 weeks old. 4 weeks. No one has to resort to leaving their 4 week old to cry. Ditch the routine, cuddle them to sleep and google the 4th trimester.

She’s not ‘fussy and grumpy’ - she’s a newborn baby, who needs sleep and cuddles. Don’t force feed her - she’ll let you know when she’s hungry.

How can a month old baby have a routine! Sitting here with my 8 week old snoozing on my lap and he has a pattern but not a routine and everything changes day to day! In this heat he's feeding more and snoozing more so we let him. We put him to sleep in his cot between 10/11 at night but before that he naps downstairs on us or in his Moses basket! I'd never attempt to put him to bed at a set time everyday at this age.

Have a google of the 4th trimester it's really interesting and explains a lot of their behaviors for the first 3 months.

Wow! Didn't expect to be so unfairly judged on here! Firstly, she's nearly six weeks. I DO cuddle her and hold her but she loves it for a couple of minutes and hates it all of a sudden. I bought two different slings and she doesn't like being in one. I KNOW she's overtired. I put her down as soon as I know she's about to start getting tired (I've read loads about the cues). She just doesn't stay asleep! Wakes up crying. None of my soothing and comforting seems to work. As soon as I put her back down, she starts all over again for 2 HOURS! I follow 7am to 7pm very loosely - I'm not imposing a strict routine on her. She only has on average 3 and a half hours of sleep in daytime despite my efforts, maybe 4 and 60 ml per feed and I know it's not enough! She's been gaining weight but last time I weighed her (last week) she was 8lb (was born small) and I don't think with how her feeding has been lately she's gained much since then. I'll ask the health visitor for some advice on that.

I put her down as soon as I know she's about to start getting tired (I've read loads about the cues). She just doesn't stay asleep!

Of course she doesn't. Tiny babies won't sleep on their own and they have very short sleep cycles.

She sounds chronically overtired because you're battling her to get her to do what she isn't developmentally ready to do, i.e. sleep alone. You need to do what works to get her to sleep - let her sleep on your chest, or in a sling, or while you walk the pram. And the fact that she's nearly 6 weeks doesn't really change anything. She's still way too young for what you're trying to do. Babies of that age settle for the night more at 9-11pm than at 7.

For the love of God, set your copy of Gina Ford on fire today and start listening to your baby instead.

Here's what pediatricians say: From 2 weeks to 2 months of age, they sleep an average of 15.5-17 hours total, about 8.5-10 hours at night and six to seven hours during the day spread out over three to four naps". My DD hasn't slept that long in daytime like ever! I'm really trying to get her to sleep more so she's not as tired and grumpy. She's very good at night, and just sleeps very well on her own. I'm just hoping if I can figure out how to make her sleep longer during the day to avoid her being so fussy all the time.

My 3 week old is the same. I manage 2 hours out of 24 asleep as he is constantly awake fidgeting or crying. I think he might have reflux so waiting for an appointment at the GP. Sorry I have no advice to give but I’m watching with interest for some and you aren’t alone! X

I'm genuinely not being difficult but will she sleep on you? It's all mine did at that age

My six week old only sleeps in the day when I hold him, so I do, for hours! If I tried to 'put him down drowsy', which is really better advice for older babies, he would barely get any sleep. I also have a three year old at home but we manage. If this is your first can you not rock her until fully asleep and then cuddle her/hold her whilst she sleeps? Watch tv at the same time! Yeah you won't get much done but when it comes to babies, everything is a phase and nothing lasts forever. Roll with it, it will make your life easier!

Yes, it not what they recommend but if she manages to get some extra sleep time without waking herself up, I'll give it a shot. Will try to get her accustomed to the sling too, although I suspect she may be too hot to be in it right now ... Thanks!

Everyone and every professional will recommend something different. Do what works for you

My DS will go to down at night by himself (bath, massage, bottle ,bed) and awake yet in the day he has to be rocked/patted/sang to I've found just going through each thing when he is showing tired cues then something with work eventually x

I'm just hoping if I can figure out how to make her sleep longer during the day to avoid her being so fussy all the time.

Don’t put her down! Just let her sleep on you. And enjoy it. Because with your first baby there is nothing else you need to do. It gets more complicated the more children you have and you’re trying to keep them asleep and play with play doh simultaneously

It's absolutely fine and normal to hold them or walk in a pram or sling for naps at that age, none of my babies would have stayed asleep for long if I put them down.

Routine needs to be scrapped.
Let her sleep on you and enjoy it.
Have you tried a bouncy chair?

Bloody hell, I still hold my 8mo for all his naps...that way he sleeps longer, is happier and I can watch whole episodes of tv without being disurbed. Just do whatever is easiest and ignore the books!

Op my first didn't "go down for naps". Ever. He's nearly 3 and no longer naps but ALL his naps were on me, in the sling, in the pushchair, in the car. I did try the cot. It NEVER worked. He wouldn't be put down at all for about 5 months. My second, you could put down and he'd just go to sleep. It was amazing. So, they're all different. Your baby is so very young. Does she have a dummy? Try a dummy and a bouncy chair. Try letting her sleep in your arms. Going for a walk with her in the sling. With a dummy. (Dummy is a total game changer imo) maybe try posting on the sleep topic.

Thank you everyone! I've been trying a dummy but she's not keen. It's good to know I'm not alone! Will try all your suggested I haven't tried yet. Thanks again!

*suggestions
I done all with her at lunch time for an hour and a half. She is in and out of sleep most of the times. I think the heat might be an issue too. Hope it cools down soon!