Hi everyone, I'm new and worried about posting

[Mumof2Grandmotherof3]

I'm so sorry that this goes back such a long way and maybe I should have put it to bed but I just can't.
It was 35 years ago when I had my second child. My husband was there at the birth and a few weeks later, he likened my birthing position.... i.e flat on my back with legs splayed as every birth was then (there was no choice)....as, and I quote "Just like a tart in a top of the shelf magazine!"
As I said earlier, I should have got rid of the horrible feeling it gave me years ago but for some reason I can't. It really did hurt so much and still does. Am I wrong to feel like this? I'm hoping I don't get laughed at.
Many thanks for taking the time to read this.

Was it the birthing position that upset you or what your husband said?

It was what he said that upset me. He's said many nasty things over the years but I just can't get rid of this one. That was the only birthing position offered 35 years ago.

It’s never too late to tell him that it upset you

I think you are focusing on this comment because you were at your most vulnerable so it’s been amplified.

He sounds horrible. Are you still with him?

This was a stupid, insensitive misogynistic comment.

I’m sorry that it hurt you.

Is he normally like this?

What a horrible thing to say.

Has he matured at all in the intervening years?

Yes I've told him many times but he dismisses me.

He believes himself to be superior to everyone else. The way he walks and talks are testament to that. Yes I'm still with him but we had no physical relationships after that. It was my second marriage, my daughter has a different father. I suppose he's just controlled my whole life and I've been stupid enough to allow it. He worked away, only returning home infrequently so it wasn't too difficult but now he's just retired at 68 and I can't even bear to look at his face!

Yes I can imagine if he was away often, it was easier to manage. Now he’s home a lot it must be miserable.

What do you want to do?

I honestly don't know what to do. I've been very ill still trying to recover and so don't feel like packing up and moving and there's not a chance that he would go.

There's no harm in putting together an exit plan though. In the meantime I'd concentrate on building your social life and keeping in touch with friends.

You could have another 20 years left with this guy does your daughter get on with him ?

I find that comment incredibly shocking actually. It really doesn't sound like you have much of a relationship with him, why are you wasting your life on him? I would really think seriously about ending this. I couldn't forgive that comment.

I agree with getting an exit plan together that, or poisoning the bastard
Baby steps: once you feel a bit stronger to go Citizens Advice and find out what your options are. I hope you feel better soon. I do know how you feel, it took me absolutely years to get rid of mine.

Oh love.

You don't have to live the rest of your life with him you know?

Start planning now, for a future without him, when you're well, make it happen.

He sounds awful, and that comment would upset anyone

A horrible thing to say and completely ridiculous.
How anyone could compare childbirth to pornography is beyond me.
Of course you're hurt and upset, anybody would be.
Please don't waste any more of your life on someone who makes you feel like this. Start planning a new future for yourself. I know it's scary but you owe it to yourself.
I really hope your health improves soon and you find the strength to do whatever it takes to make yourself happy

I'm with Hilda 's strikethrough

Oh god love You pet carrying those feelings around all that time.... men can be wicked feckers ... would love to see him push a 8lb baby out of his penis and make a joke of it ohhhh u have the ladies on your side honey xxxxxx u tell him straight u don't like his talk and if he don't shut his filth up u shut him up with a right hook !! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

And hey momof2 and super granny u stand proud u got those kids into the world xxxx don't let him drag I down xxxxxx

Hey just new to mums net just introducing myself I'm sarah I'm 45 have 3 daughters 20,18 and 16 am married and live in south Armagh Northern Ireland

It doesn’t sound like he is ever going to admit to being an insensitive idiot so you will have to look within to overcome his comment.

He was crass, rude, horrible, and betrayed his own ignorance and would have looked like a complete idiot to anyone with half a brain.

It’s no wonder he hurt your feelings. You were giving birth, which is one of the most significant life experiences there is, and he should have had respect for that and for you.

You can’t change what he said or who he is and please do not apologise to anyone for the fact that he hurt you. You don’t have to apologise for his actions or for being upset.

How's arecthings going with you ? Xxx