AIBU? Dinner lady issue..

[Mamapsychstudent]

My ds moved schools in-year in April last year and has been struggling with one of the dinner ladies.
She pulls him up on everything. It started with him having his coat on at the dinner table as he was cold and she stood him up in front of everyone and shouted at him. I told him to take it as a lesson learned but the issue persisted with trivial incidents here and there. I put him on packed lunches to avoid having to deal with her but now the issue has moved to the playground.
She banned him from the adventure playground the week before last for 'swinging on the monkey bars' after the bell has sounded. He claims he touched them when he was walking past but didn't swing on them but again I gave her the benefit of the doubt. The following day he claims he forgot and went back on the playground and was subsequently banned by her for a week. Again I simply said he needs to be more careful and to stay in her good books if possible. He has now been banned for a further week for asking when he is allowed back on. Further to this, other dinner ladies have got involved, asking him what his problem is with this dinner lady and then reporting back to her what he has said. He told me he had said 'if anything she has a problem with me' which was reported back to her and resulted in him getting a telling off by the deputy head.
He tells me she watches him all playtime even if he's just sat in a bench chatting with friends and feels intimidated.
He has his SATs exams next week and has been staying back after school to do extra maths as he is keen to do well. I think not allowing him some release and to play before his exams is a bit heavy handed. I appreciate I am only getting one side to this story. I have been in on more than one occasion already regarding this dinner lady and been assured by his teacher that she is a lovely woman just doing her best, although my son says she is notorious for bullying the children. I don't have a network of mums so to speak as I am new to the area and work and study so it's not always me who takes him in and collects him etc so I can't really ask about if anyone else has had a similar experience.
He goes to high school in September so part of me thinks let this lie as he doesn't have long. But part of me wants to meet her myself with the head teacher maybe and just have a chat and see what the issue is although I don't want to come across as a mum who won't accept her child ever being punished. Also it's SAT time and all the teachers seem busy and stressed so now may not be the time to raise the issue.
Another little boy who was banned has been let back on the adventure playground and when ds questioned this, this particular dinner lady said 'he has apologised and I believe him'. Ds told me he apologised too but I just don't know what to believe.
Anyone got any advice or similar stories to share? Xxx thanks

Why on earth is a dinner lady getting involved in the discipline of the kids? That’s nothing to do with them, surely? (I’m saying that with respect, my mum was a dinner lady at my school!!)
I would speak to your son’s teachers - this just doesn’t seem right!!!

Raise it! If he isn't getting into trouble elsewhere in the school then it appears that this particular individual has taken a dislike to him.

If he were the kind of child to attract trouble, then he'd be getting tellings off all over the shop - but he isn't, is he?

I'd be straight in to have a chat with his form teacher in the first instance. I'd also want to hear the dinner lady's side of it - but this is obviously not an isolated incident and you don't want your child bullied by a power-mad adult. Don't send him the message that you will always take the adult's side, and that he must "appease" people when he's the innocent party.

He might NOT be the innocent party, of course, but I'd want to make some further investigations.

Ex primary teacher here, I would go in and speak to the teacher as sometimes dinner ladies can get a bit fixated on certain children. I’ve had to deal with this a few times in the past, when actually the lunchtime support people are making situations out of nothing. Your son will have had his part to play in this, (certainly some children don’t respect non teaching staff) as pp says, if there aren’t other examples of bahaviour in class, then it’s worth looking into.

Some great replies here and really appreciate them!

He isn't having issues with other teachers or anything at present. There was an issue with him calling somebody a liar in PE the other week and he got a mild telling off but he's no problem child.

In my heart of hearts I suspect it's 6 of 1 and half a dozen of the other...

I think ds has got her back up by answering her back in the first instance. When asked rhetorically 'I bet you don't leave your coat on at the table at home' my son replied 'I do sometimes' which I think has initially p*ssed her off. I get that. And I went mad when he told me he has answered back. But since then it does seem like she's sniping.

I think this has now snowballed into a grudge on both sides with her viewing all of his actions as antagonistic (like touching the apparatus after the bell) and him viewing her as singling him out and her reaction as disproportionate and (banning him for 2 whole weeks).

Having said this, she is the adult here maybe should know better than to hold a grudge against a child?

I have emailed his mentor with my concerns, I will update you when I get some feedback!

UPDATE:

The mentor said issues such as this are beyond her jurisdiction so to speak and to approach the teacher (who I've already chatted with twice on this).

However, DS came out of school yesterday and said that there had been further issues with this lady but that he wasn't involved and had stayed out of it. She and another dinner lady had made 2 little boys cry, something to do with comments about their eating habits or something and they have asked their mums to go into school about it.

I think it's a case of give her enough rope and she will hang herself on this one.