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Unloved, stressed, no way out. Anxiety with myself and daughter.

2 replies

xxxkdjjr · 30/04/2018 00:51

I met my husband online in 2008, we married and I fell pregnant in 2009. At first things seemed ok, he was doting and caring and couldn't be away from me. There were a few signs I should of picked up on, ie: he didn't like my 2 best friends, I ended up losing them. He showed other hostile behaviour. He Is never really happy, doesn't laugh, has never really enjoyed life and has ruined a lot of special occasions. He Is on tablets for depression and since being on these for the last year out sex life has been non exsistent. Once every couple of months, and that's when I start moaning. The tablets have affected him down below, but he was given viagra to help combat that. His excuse is, he never feels in the mood and when it does happen I can tell he is not interested. He doesn't show me any affection, I don't feel attractive, there are next to no cuddles, kisses. I feel so alone, all I want is to be happy and my kids to live in an happy loving home. I have no one, no friends, my mum is not the most pleasant of people and always puts me down, always has done. I can't talk to him, he just tuts or gets angry, he can't communicate. I have suffered with anxiety since the age of 22, I am 44 now. When I met him I had, had lots of treatment and was so confident, I am not that person anymore. On top of that my daughter who is 8 is now suffering with anxiety, mainly when surrounded by lots of children, to them point where I have had to deregiister her from school and home ed her. I am with her 24/7 from the moment I wake to the moment I go to bed, as she is sleeping in my room due to nightmares and feeling scared in her room, during the night she wakes and gets in my bed. Just to clarify, the issues with my husband started long before this. He Is grumpy because he gets up for work at 5.exam and goes on and on, but he does not realise the pre sure I am under being with our daughter 24/7 and home educating. I am also very concerned about my daughter, even at night,she currently has her mattress in our room, she waits for me to come to bed before she settles, then she wants me to face her so she can see me. I have an apt at GP soon, I just wish I had money to get her seen sooner than the months it will take on the nhs. On top of this my 21 year old son has moved back in and sleeping on the sofa, he has ADHD. Basically, if I could would leave my husband, but I can't. We are in ha home in joint names, he earns the money. I have nothing, before he has told me he won't leave, even though he wouldn't be able to keep the home as a single man (3 bed house) I just want to feel love, affection and happiness, I have realised that if I don't break away now, I will be unhappy form the rest of my life, but have no means of doing so. Sorry for long winded post x

OP posts:
May2019 · 30/04/2018 20:37

Hello, I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles. But you are not alone. I went through 13 years of marriage that was unhappy and loveless.

I suggest you go to relate for couple counselling. This is quite affordable I seem to remember. He may be depressed by he needs to be held accountable. Relate might help him step up a bit and face up to his responsibilities.

Stay strong. You will not always be unhappy. Tough times may be ahead, but you're a mother, you are tough enough for anything.

God bless,

xxxkdjjr · 30/04/2018 21:41

Thank you Deborah for the positive words x

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