New mum

[FiN123]

Hi everyone

Could do with a bit of honest advice from other mums! I have a newborn baby girl who is now 6 weeks old and I love her lots! Being a new mum has turned out a lot harder than I thought it would be! We have had problems with milk, reflux, wind and colic. When I speak to other new mums they say it’s the best experience and most amazing feeling being a mum and I don’t feel this! I feel exhausted and sleep deprived! To top it off my husband has been struggling to deal with the new routine and isn’t adjusting to being a dad very well which is added stress. My husband says I may be post natal as I don’t have that feeling. I don’t feel depressed or detached I just feel tired as it’s hard work and I dont have much help! Is it bad to not feel like it’s the most amazing thing as I feel guilty that I don’t feel this way?

Oh god no, not unusual at all! Baby days are long behind me now but I had two nonsleepers, and remember feeling I was always the one covered in baby sick, with terrible skin and hair, always late and barely able to hold a conversation out of my baby group. My oh was going through some difficult family things as well so really couldn't be much of an emotional support either. Be assured that there are plenty of new mums feeling exactly like you. If you can, get to some baby groups, you might need to try and few before you did one that suits you. If you get on with your health visitor, talk to them as they may be able to suggest some things in your area. They will certainly be able to reassure you that what you are experiencing is normal. Sleep deprivation is hell. 6 weeks is teeny tiny, try and focus on getting through the days, enjoy cuddles and get rest when you can and keep telling yourself things will shift and change so quickly. My mantra was (and still is) "This too shall pass". If you do start to feel you aren't coping then talk to your GP, or HV, but at the moment it does sound pretty normal. Try and talk honestly to your husband if you can find a time when you aren't both tired/hungry/dealing with crying baby. Be kind to yourself, and to him (assuming he's not being a giant arse!), but be clear what he can help with (taking baby for a walk so you can have a bath/get a takeaway/unload dishwasher). Just like you he's adjusting to a new role, but I know my oh found it hard when the babies were tiny and really only wanted me - he had a custom of what a dad would be (all cuddling cooing baby, walking round with a baby strapped to his front, being all, well, manly!). Just like I had a vision of what being a mum would be, and we both had to readjust to the reality. Finding ways to make him not feel like a spare part did help, and it was only a few months later he was doing child care while I worked several days a week. Good luck with it all, don't be afraid to ask for help. And know that feeling tired and pissed off is totally normal for at least some of the time!

Definitely not unusual, I felt the exact same as you! I had some bad complications from birth as well so those first few weeks were a haze of feeding and sleep deprivation and a lot of pain and tears! I knew that I loved my daughter more than anything but I was just so exhausted I feel like I was a mum and I had no idea what I was doing! Sometimes when my partner was at work I dreaded it because I knew I'd have to do it on my own and I didn't feel like I knew what I was doing. There's never enough hours in the day but you do get there in the end! It takes time though, my daughter is just 3 months now and I feel a bit more human and we're getting used to each other and can understand each other a bit better. If you can, try to sleep when you LO does, everything else can wait and make sure you try to make the most of it because even though it feels so confusing and exhausting just now, it's those early stages that you do eventually miss even though it might not seem that way! Totally normal to feel the way you do though. Just remember you're a great mum!

A lot of people say what they think they should say rather than the truth. It IS knackering and relentless, but I think as long as you can keep it in perspective and enjoy the good bits- even if they're few and far between- you're doing fine.

Thanks for your replies everyone it’s made me a lot better! And I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels like this!