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Original poster

im a one and done mum is that really so bad

22 replies

kellie92 · 24/04/2018 14:22

hiya i'm new here and i'm not really sure where to put this thread or where exactly i am going with this so it might be a bit of a rant but it's just something that's getting on my nerves recently

So, I had my son when i was 18 (I am no longer with his dad), i never really enjoyed pregnancy and had a terrible labor and delivery we both ended up in a critical state. But i obviously wouldn't change him for the world he is just the most amazing wee man ever.

I'm 25 now, getting married to my fiance of 2 years soon so everyone has started the when are you have a baby blah blah. I always say we are not, but then the reply is always well J isn't F's father wouldn't J like to have a baby of his own. Well no actually he wouldn't he is more than happy being F's step-dad and that's it. We are very happy as we are.

Everyone always seems so appalled by this I never understand why. Is DNA really that much of a big deal?!

Anyway rant over :)

OP posts:

hotstepper4 · 24/04/2018 14:25

Lol one and done mum.. Never heard that before, I quite like it.

I only have one. Was a conscious choice. I had him at 27, I'm 35 now.

However I do now have 3 step kids, aged 9, 8 and 5. And my ds loves them so much that it did make me feel a bit guilty for not having another.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 24/04/2018 14:29

I think that, as long as you and your dp are happy, then your family is the perfect size! And no-one else should be pressuring you about it.

Original poster

kellie92 · 24/04/2018 14:45

Everyone seems to have an opinion these days its ridiculous. Even the nurse when i go get my pill prescription topped up she needs to give her opinion!
I grew up with 2 siblings and understand how having a family like that is awesome. J is an only child so relates to F a lot more about lack of brothers/sisters. But i love it just the way it is. F is almost 7 now i think the gap would be too big to even consider another. Couldn't imagine a tween and a toddler together

OP posts:

FrozenMargarita17 · 24/04/2018 14:51

I'm a one and done mum and NOBODY will believe me. I suffered crippling pnd and I will not do it again! Dd and I are getting along great now and I wouldn't want to spoil that.

Original poster

kellie92 · 24/04/2018 15:03

FrozenMargarita , yes thats exactly the same as i feel, but nobody believes when I say one is more than enough. I never enjoyed the pregnancy and the early days of parenting were hellish. We are all getting on so great. J came along when F was 4 so he missed all the baby stuff so i feel there is not reason to go back there just because some people have an issue that F and J don't share DNA. It's like i am obliged to give him a baby cos the one I already have isn't his. He loves him more that i could ever explain DNA means utter bollocks. We are very happy as we are

OP posts:

Woshambo · 24/04/2018 15:09

DNA is 100 percent not a big deal, for me anyway.
My DGF isn't biologically related but he still brought me up when my mum left and I see him as my dad. We are so close.
My uncle took his DSS on as his own and still gives him a place to live, money, finds him jobs etc to this day despite splitting up with the boy's mother 10 yrs ago. He is also very much my cousin to me.

It's ur family and ur choice. People should accept it decision. Too many ppl think their way is the "right" way and are more than happy to let everyone know.

bloomsburyer · 24/04/2018 15:13

People (inlaws/sister in law) keep asking me if I'm going to have another.. I just look at them and smile and don't utter a word. It's no one else's business.

Plus my first child is still a tiny baby. I want to just enjoy her... which is exactly what I'm doing.

Original poster

kellie92 · 24/04/2018 15:18

yeah if only people would keep there noses out. Don't understand why people get so obsessed with if we have kids or not its a personal decision... whether you have only one or a whole football squad that's ok. the amount of people who actually inquire about my sex life is shocking...

OP posts:

troodiedoo · 24/04/2018 15:21

I thought I was a one and done mum, similar story to you op. Now have a 17 year gap.

justanotheruser18 · 24/04/2018 15:55

🙄 whyyyyy do people feel like they can have an opinion on your decision regarding procreation. It's so weird. I only want to have my perfect son because he is healthy and happy and all I could hope for and when we were asked by extended fam if we were having any more, we said no and they were like: aw won't he be lonely? Go on, give him someone to play with.

Fml. Having kids is HaRD. I don't find the responsibility easy. And I just don't think I see more kids in my life.

Do you, girl. Ignore everyone else.

Pashazade · 24/04/2018 16:01

Yep I'm one and done. I'm an only myself but other half is one of six. But we love our little family just as it is. I have the occasional twinge of a sibling might be nice but would I actually want to go through it all again, no, not if I'm honest with myself. I've never had any comments myself but many friends with just one have. It must be driving you crackers you have my sympathy perhaps a no, then a fixed smile or walking away if they continue to push (the polite alternative to f** off it's non of your business!)

whatshappening1 · 24/04/2018 16:05

I think its ridiculous when people criticise other people for how many children they have. The worst is people who don’t want kids the amount of abuse they get from other people who are convinced they will have kids is ridiculous! Also when people like yourself have only one child suddenly they are being told off for just having one and not wanting to go through it all again, I don’t blame you. Ignore what everyone else says just make sure your partner knows you don't want anymore else that will cause a few arguments

Original poster

kellie92 · 24/04/2018 16:12

its so weird like you pop to the shop and the checkout lady feels the need to question you. I have my little man and he is awesome, everything i want and more. I do sometimes get wee twinges of doubt that he wont have siblings and have the bond with them like i had with my brothers. Maybe its a little selfish of me but i finished with nappies and sleepless nights years ago i couldn't imagine going back there.

OP posts:

Namechange128 · 24/04/2018 16:14

Im three and done and while it was absolutely what I wanted and would have pined for more if stopped earlier... Honestly, I think it would be lovely for my DDs if they are happy with one. More time (for the kids, yourself, your relationship), more money and more space! Siblings can be lovely - but also not, while many adults I know are much closer to friends and cousins than their own brothers and sisters.

Ignore them and be your own happy family!

Original poster

kellie92 · 24/04/2018 16:19

my partner knows this. its a joint decision, I think he actually gets more flack than i do as he doesn't have any biological children.

OP posts:

Original poster

kellie92 · 24/04/2018 16:22

i am one of three and i think it is great, i have a great relationship with my brothers, we had a love/hate realtionship growing up with constant squabbling ect. we drove our mum insane. lol. it's just not for me. i'm more than happy with just one :)

OP posts:

CaffeineAndCrochet · 24/04/2018 17:09

In almost the exact same situation as you, OP. We're getting married soon so I expect the questions to start straight after. But I can't face going back to the baby days.

londonloves · 24/04/2018 17:16

I'm waiting for this to start in earnest as my son gets older. I realllly don't think I want to do it again. Wish people would just mind their own fucking business.

FrangipaniBlue · 24/04/2018 17:22

Years of TTC including 6 miscarriages (one with hospitalisation) before we got DS so we are unequivocally a one and done family!

Initially I used to get uncomfortable when people piped up with their comments about when we were giving DS a sibling. Now I just tell them why and watch them squirm, if you are bold enough to ask me personal questions then be prepared when I give you the uncomfortable answer!

I was also an only child with a step parent, my SD married my mum when I was 3 and they used to get asked the same questions as you OP, my dad was perfectly happy with me and no DNA does not matter one bit.

fruityb · 24/04/2018 19:36

I think we are as well. I’m 36 this year and Ds is 2 not long after. My husband is 38. It took two years for us to conceive so actually ds arrived three years after we had started trying.

It might not take that long again but the stress and emotional impact it had on me was enough. Ds has been an awesome baby but the loneliness I experienced and the fear of going anywhere with him was horrible. I had a section so didn’t go out on my own in the car for about five weeks - I had a two door car so getting him in and out was a pain in the arse so I didn’t really bother for a while.

Plus he’s now at an age where life is much easier. I adored him as a newborn don’t get me wrong but he’s quite good at entertaining himself or sitting and watching some cartoons with me. He sleeps well and I worry another wouldn’t be as good!

I love the thought of another one but I think we’ll just spoil the crap out of this guy. We can’t afford to think about another till he gets free childcare hours anyway.

I wouldn’t have any regrets at just one. I have nieces and nephews and family friends’ children and he’s surrounded with love and playmates.

Cornflower6 · 27/04/2018 17:26

This annoys me. It took 3 years to have my DD - maybe coz of my age or stressful job- ttc took time and then I had a mmc. I hated the stress of ttc & the miscarriage was awful. Also had a few issues with the pregnancy. As I’m now late thirties with a newborn I’m just grateful for her. I wish people would be more sensitive esp as I’ve been open with all our troubles. Yes I could be lucky & have another child without the same struggle but tbh I’m more than happy if we just stay as a 3. I also don’t know how we would afford another and my job is insecure. Ignore others they don’t have to raise and pay for your children.

Euphrasia · 27/04/2018 17:34

Common problem. People need to cop on and butt out. My friend is the same Frangipani, tells them straight out that they can't have another and watches the Nosy Parker squirm.

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